Unwrap My Heart
by scribbledwords
Summary: Her heart is wrapped. Not like a present with the pretty red bow that you can just untie. Its more than that. It's a steel cage that keeps it locked inside. The heart is still beating, but it loves no more. Can Edward open it? - M for later chapters
1. Being Alone Was Best

The kiss was simple yet intimate. Not too much and not too little. It was sweet and was evidence of the 'honeymoon' period. The couple were locked in an embrace, their arms around each other. The man's more possessive, the woman's clingier. He was several inches taller than her, just enough to have to look down whilst she looked up. Their eyes shone with adoration and you did not need to hear it from them to know how much they were in love. He laid his forehead against hers, before their lips met again. The magnetic pull too hard to resist. The woman's hands were clasped together behind his head, holding him in place just as his were claiming her hips. The kiss ended and the smiles stretched so wide on their faces. His nose was red from the cold, her cheeks flushed with colour. The man tucked stray hairs behind her ear before tenderly holding her cheek. Whispered words made her giggle and he smiled in return. Each touch given was affectionate, each look was smouldering and each kiss exploded into tingles. The whole presentation screamed love. Most passers-by looked on fondly, others with disgust at the over the top display and some with envy that they could never find someone to share their love with to heal their broken hearts.

One however felt nothing. A young woman sat on a bench across the couple watching. Just watching. She felt no jealously, no repulsion and most definitely no resentment seeing the display. Her heart did not flutter and it did not ache with loneliness. She simply watched and observed. She observed the way the couple's hands intertwined, the way their lips seemed to just fit and how the way each kiss sent silent messages of love.

The woman pictured the couple in 10 years time. They got married in a beautiful ceremony that was one of the happiest moments of their life, they had three children, they never argued and their home was filled with the never ending laughter.

However that image was not reality. The woman's mouth twitched slightly as she pictured what would probably, most definitely happen. In 10 years time the couple would get married and it would be the happiest day of their life. They would have three children and argue everyday due to the stress and the lack of communication and commitment to each other. The man would have an affair with the blonde woman at work who was fifteen years too young, and the woman would sit at home and be filled with grief at her husband infidelity. She would think back to this day and wonder where it all went wrong. They would eventually divorce and the children would grow up believing everything was a lie.

The woman blinked the image away and continued to watch the couple that were for now, in bliss. She wondered if they knew. If they knew that they would not always be this happy. They probably did, but were too stupid to realise that being alone was better than building your hopes up on short term contentment. She liked being alone. The word alone had too many negative connotations. To her she saw all the positive aspects that came with it. She would never have to live up to someone's expectations of being perfect; she would never have to spend weeks agonising over a present, and she most definitely would not have to be worrying that her other half was committed.

No, being alone was best.

She had tried all that before. Being in a relationship. Feeling the pressure to be immaculate and groomed. To be the suitable girlfriend that was paraded around like eye candy. To practice that false smile in the mirror so it didn't look false. To be something that she wasn't. Trying to fulfil expectations that were much too high. She had turned into the person she never wanted to be. A person she didn't recognise. She was lucky that she got out before it was too late and she lost herself. She almost had. Maybe she already was.

The woman pushed the lingering thoughts away as she watched the couple walk away with their arms wrapped around each other. They were probably going home. To their home. The home they spent so long perfecting together to make sure it was just right for their future family. So it was warm and cosy and inviting. It would be a loving home, one that they could share with each other together.

Bella Swan had never experienced a loving home.


	2. Never The Type To Dwell

Isabella Swan preferred to be called Bella. Not Bells or Bell. Just Bella. She saw herself as a plain Jane. Typical brown hair, brown eyes and a small mouth. She was petite but had curves in all the right places. She liked how her stomach stayed flat without doing exercise and how her size shoe was always in stock. But she did not rank herself as attractive. Just average.

But to the male population. She was considered beautiful.

However, Bella was oblivious to the stares, the double takes and smiles when she walked. She wasn't lost in her own little world. She was just closed off emotionally. To men. She could not even count one male friend on her hand. Some men would call her high maintenance. Other's that she was playing hard to get. Women would see her as an arrogant bitch. The truth was Bella Swan was neither of these things. Not really. If her father hadn't been cold, and if her mother hadn't been so manipulative. Maybe she would have turned out differently. Happier, friendlier and more approachable. Instead her upbringing resulted in Bella Swan being the opposite.

Cold. Bitter. Concealed.

She was everything she never wanted to be. She didn't want to be this way. She wanted to be a better person. But she had never known anything different. Her life had never been normal. Not the way it should have been. The way it could have been. And when she thought of all the moments she had lost, it made her a little sourer every day. Of course those thoughts were fleeting in her mind.

Her life was organized and planned to very last detail. The only events missing off her list were Marriage and Babies. She had no interest. Never did and never would. At the few weddings she had attended, she had at least once caught the bouquet. And was then taunted with the expectation to be next up the aisle saying "I do". She avoided attending such ceremonies again. Deep down inside she could not deal with watching something she would never have. And the reminder of how happy weddings did not mean happy marriages and parents. In her head she saw such events as pointless.

She lived alone and liked it that way. Her weekends consisted of her sitting at home sipping wine and eating chocolate with the occasional shopping trip. She hated romantic chick flicks as they all ended the same and liked to read a good thriller book. She was always on time and constantly looked her best. Her apartment was decorated stylishly with light colours that made it spacious and welcoming. Photos were hung around her living room in elegant frames. None of those pictures contained her mother Renee or her father Charles. She never phoned them and never sent them cards. To the outside world this seemed harsh. In reality it was the best thing for her.

-xox-

Bella closed the door quietly behind her and hung her coat up on the rack. She wiped her small feet on the mat and made sure to take off her shoes before laying one foot on the carpet. Mother never did like dirt. She made her way to the kitchen where said Mother was waiting.

"Isabella. What time did I say before you left?"

"Half past seven Mother"

Renee Swan pointedly fixed her gaze on the clock on the wall before turning to face her only daughter she considered a disgrace.

"I believe you are late Isabella"

Bella frowned and look down at the watch on her wrist. She was indeed late, but only by a couple of minutes.

"Only a little" she replied quietly. Bella hated how she sounded so weak, so vulnerable.

Renee slammed her glass on the counter making Bella jump. It was then she noticed her father Charlie who liked to be called Charles was seated at the table in silence. Seemingly oblivious to the whole display.

"When I set you a time Isabella I expect you to obey that time and to arrive at that time!"

As Renee's voice rose, Bella became increasingly nervous, aware of her Mother's temper.

"I'm sorry Mother. It won't happen again"

"You make sure it won't!"

Renee picked up her wine glass, sipped the remaining liquid and purposely let the glass slip through her fingers and crash to the floor. Fragments flew across the ground, creating a pool of sharp daggers at her feet.

"Oh dear Isabella. This mess will not clean itself up"

Bella widened her eyes at her mother who merely smirked at her expression and proceeded to leave the kitchen and the broken glass she had left. Her father Charlie, sat and watched as his daughter picked each up piece up, even when she cut her finger. He said nothing. He never did.

-xox-

Bella shook her head as she tried to remove the memory from her mind. It took her a while to be able to sip wine from a glass without wincing. But that didn't matter now and the image of that moment ended.

Bella Swan was never the type to dwell on memories or events that included her parents.


	3. Truly Wrapped

When Bella was a young girl, she had always visualised of a man coming to save her. It became a want, and then finally as the years went on, it became a need and a necessity to escape the two people who were supposed to love her the most. She had never known love and craved it. The only way to stop her tears was to imagine that her life would change. She would be treated with respect and be cherished. But most importantly she would be loved. For a long time, that is all Bella ever wanted.

She attempted to have boyfriends but they never lasted long. Mainly because they were all too scared of her parents. She never blamed any of them. Renee and Charles made sure that none of them ever returned. After a while, the boys stopped calling and Bella stopped looking. She eventually gave up on the idea that a man was going to show up, and actually get past her parents.

Then she met James. She thought with his arrival that everything would change for the better. James appeared to be everything that Bella had dreamed of. He was good looking, charming and had impeccable manners. He pursued her the only way a man should. James took her out on dates to fancy dinners, never went further than a kiss unless without her consent and dressed appropriately. But most importantly, her parents loved him. At first Bella thought it was too good to be true. Renee and Charles finally approved of a man in her life.

They dated for a year, and yet at the time nothing seemed strange. James was attentive, well educated and romantic. It was no surprise to Bella that she fell in love with him. How could she not? He was everything that she believed to be perfect in a man. He was her first kiss, her first time and nearly her husband.

Since they hadn't been together long, Bella was shocked when James got down on one knee and proposed. But she loved him and pushed away her doubts and accepted. It was like a switch. As soon as she said yes, James began to change before her eyes. Looking back now he hadn't changed, he was just revealing his true self. He became cold, controlling and critical. Bella soon found herself becoming a shell of her former self, and there wasn't much of her before anyway. He expected her to look her best at all times, to prepare meals and clean. To not get a job and to be the stay at home wife. Soon, Bella stopped smiling. And when James wanted her to smile and laugh in front of his friends and colleagues. It was all fake. Inside, Bella was dying. Her light and spark was going out. She was losing herself. She became quiet and reserved. Her days were planned and scheduled by James, down to the last detail. From the moment she woke up, to the moment she went to sleep. She became a puppet on a string. She closed herself off, and with that her heart began to freeze. Bella didn't love him anymore. But she felt trapped. She had no other option and nowhere to go.

Her parents suspected nothing, or chose not to. Renee saw him as the perfect husband and never questioned why Bella seemed so rigid and stiff when they went to visit. Charlie said nothing. The wedding plans were being made and when Bella looked in the mirror in her wedding dress, she felt nothing. She felt no excitement, nerves or love. To Bella, she saw no way out.

She had James to thank for allowing her to escape.

-xox-

"Isabella, what the fuck are you wearing?"

Bella simply looked meekly at the floor. James had agreed for once she was allowed to see one of her friends for a couple of drinks and had put on a dress that had been gathering dust in her wardrobe. It was no way revealing and fell down to her knees so only a small amount of leg was showing.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" James snapped and grabbed her chin to force her face upwards. His eyes were dark and fierce, a sign that he was angry. Bella was used to him being angry. He was just like her mother. And she hated him for it. That was one emotion she allowed herself to feel.

"I'm sorry James, but I thought this would be ok."

James breathed in through his nostrils before he smacked her around the face. Bella gasped and held her cheek. He had never hit her. Not once. The stinging was proof that he had really done it. He then proceeded to grab the sleeve of her dress and rip it, ensuring it would never be worn.

For Bella, that was her wakeup call. First it would be slaps, and then it would be escalate to more. At night when James was sleeping, she packed a small bag with only a few of her clothes, the little money she had and in the dead of the night she ran.

-xox-

Even though she had escaped. Bella was still scarred. Parts of her were still in 'James' mode. She was overly organized, never late and dressed correctly. In a way, it was like she was still living with him. James had got inside her head, and had diminished her heart and the ability to feel anything. She hardly smiled or laughed, and was prone to cleaning on a daily basis.

Most of all, Bella made sure that she never loved again.

And that is when, her heart became truly wrapped.


	4. Her Bench

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who put me on author alert, story alert, made this story their favourite or reviewed. It truly means a lot. **

Life wasn't easy when Bella left James. He had been their source of income since he expected her to stay at home. She hated to think about how she was so dependent on him, on a man. For a while, she hit rock bottom. The only thing she allowed to hurt was her pride. Her friend Angela supported her in those hard months.

Angela was one of the few female friends Bella had. She didn't know all the details as Bella was not one to divulge. But she knew that Bella wasn't the person she made herself out to be. She saw parts of her real self in the months that she came to her for help. They were close, but she knew that Bella would never unveil all the details. Angela was ok with that, because she knew that one day, Bella would be ready to open herself up to someone. Angela hoped that that someone would appear sooner rather than later.

-xox-

Every day, at exactly midday, Bella would go and sit on her bench in the middle of the park. She would watch the children play on the frames, be pushed by their parents on the swings or look at couples who strolled through holding hands. On the outside all these people looked happy. Bella knew the reality. Only she thought she did. When she saw happy children, she saw them enjoying their rare moments of freedom. When she observed parents pushing their children, she saw boredom in their faces.

When she looked at couples, she saw her and James.

It was a memory she wished she could forget, but when you had spent so long being with someone you thought you knew. It took a while to get over. After leaving that night, James had relentlessly called her including Renee and Charlie. They sent texts, emails and left voice mails that suggested their disapproval and anger at her for leaving. Bella never told her parents the reason she left. In the end, Renee would blame her instead of James. In her eyes, he was perfect. Bella was one who was flawed. Of course, she occasionally sent them messages, letting them know she was safe. James however wasn't so easy to shake off.

He didn't know Angela, or that she was staying with her. A gift in disguise. He harassed her with texts and phone calls, ones that Bella ignored and deleted. Apart from on one account when she had threatened to call the police. He then stopped and she hadn't heard from him for two years. Life wasn't bliss, but it was certainly easier than it had been. She had no one to answer to. There was no one to tell her what to wear, how to act or how to just be. She was allowed to do part time shifts in her favourite book store and to not follow a schedule that someone else had set. Bella was marching to her own drum.

She could not escape all the consequences of what had happened. Her heart is wrapped. Not like a present with the pretty red bow that you can just untie. It's more than that. It's a steel cage that keeps it locked inside. The heart is still beating, but it loves no more. Bella had lost the ability to feel. Occasionally she would smile when she watched a film or if Angela said something amusing. But Bella hadn't laughed for years. She didn't allow herself too. Laughing meant Bella was out of control, and that was the last thing she wanted. The control to be taken out of her hands, allowing herself to be vulnerable and open again. Bella was a closed book, and she planned to remain that way. Opening herself up to people would only cause her more hurt. She refused to feel hurt anymore. Hurting was a sign of weakness, and Bella promised herself she would not be weak.

-xox-

Bella's heels tapped against the ground as she walked towards the bench. Her bench. She liked the sound of her heels. It made her feel like a confident and authoritative woman. The power of heels. She sat in the correct way. Back straight with her ankles pressed together to the side and a blank expression. This image always sent the message that she wanted to sit alone. And alone she always sat. Today was like any other day. She was seated and began her observation of the world walking by. No one was going to sit by her. They never did she thought.

And then someone did.


	5. Change Again

There had been few occurrences when Bella had been shocked by something or someone. Today was one of them. It was the unexpected that stunned her. The fear of the unknown or the unforeseen. The surprise that someone was going to sit by her. On her bench. Of course, she did not show it. Her face remained black like a white page. Yet inside, the emotion was stirring. She couldn't help but admit that it was nice to feel something like that for a change.

It was a man who sat next to her. A man who was slightly taller than herself, but just enough so she would have to look up to him. Not that she would. She did not even glance in his direction. But she did want to see the face of the man who had dared to sit next her, when no other hadn't. For a half a second, she thought it could be James. In panic she quickly glanced at his hands. They had long fingers. Nothing like the hands of James. The panic faded and she was able to breathe again.

For a moment that felt too long, they sat in silence. Neither acknowledged the other and they focused their gaze in opposite directions. Bella remained in her current position and continued to watch the world go by. She couldn't help but think that why now should someone sit here, after all this time. There were plenty of other benches. But there again, she had no claim over this one. In her head she saw it as her own. She did find it strange that she was so possessive over a bench. The thought almost made her smile. Almost.

"Hello"

That one word startled Bella. The man had spoken, and he had such a beautiful voice. It was not a word she would use to describe a man, but that is how he sounded. Simply beautiful. Bella slowly turned her head and looked at him in confusion.

He was attractive. The green in his eyes reminded her of the grass when it was sunny. They were vivid and so alive with colour. His hair was a mess filled with auburn and brown. An unusual shade. His lips were full and his cheek bones made her conscious of her own. Beautiful was the only word that could describe him. He was the first man since James that had appealed to her. She was wary though. He looked so trusting, and yet so had James. Bella was determined not to make the same mistake twice. If she did she would break completely.

"Are you talking to me?" she asked. She didn't mean to sound so rude and yet she felt uncomfortable. This was completely new territory for her. She had never engaged in conversation with many men before. James never let her. He was too jealous for that. Always so possessive. Like she was over her bench. Maybe they were more similar than she thought.

"As a matter of fact I am" he replied with a smile. Not many people smiled at Bella, because she never did it back. This situation was no different.

"You're sitting by me"

He smiled again. "Yes, well observed" he replied with a hint of sarcasm. Bella was used to the sarcasm because she received it from Renee and yet his did not seem so malicious.

"Why?"

"I've been walking for a while and thought I should take a seat. You don't own the bench do you?" he laughed jokily. Bella flinched at the sound. She wished she could laugh like this man did. So carefree and full of happiness. His laugh was not fake and his smile was real. He was real and he wasn't false like she had been.

"No I don't" she replied quietly with a tone that suggested regret and sorrow.

"I wish I did"

Bella glanced at the man quickly. "Why?"

The man relaxed his stance and crossed his arms in a comfortable position. He was so relaxed. She was so tense.

"Well, it would be mine wouldn't it? I could tell people not to sit next to me when I don't want them too instead of just sitting there letting them do it. "

Bella frowned slightly. He was obviously talking about her. Immediately she was on the defence.

"Are you trying to be funny?" she snapped.

Her walls had come up, and she was protecting herself. The only way to do that was to be as cold as possible and if that meant being intimidating and rude to a stranger, then she would do it. The consequence of this was that she drove people away. That made her lonely. So lonely. But she would never admit to this. She came across to others that she liked it this way. But deep down, she was crying out for someone to keep her company.

"No, I was just making a point" he replied calmly. He didn't even blink at her outburst when others would have been shocked.

"And your point is what?"

"That you don't really want me to sit next to you. At all"

"Correct" Bella replied sharply.

A silence fell over them. No one spoke. Bella breathed in quickly to attempt to calm herself. The man, whose name she still did not know continued to look around the park. It was starting to empty as the rush hour was ending and everyone was going back to work.

"I'm sorry" he said breaking the silence.

"It's fine"

It wasn't really. Bella felt uncomfortable and slightly guilty at her outburst. There were times when she wished that she wasn't the way she was. But she wanted this man to go. She wanted to be able to sit on her bench in peace and she could see that today this was not going to happen.

"My name is Edward Cullen" he said politely, holding out his hand for her to shake. She didn't offer her own hand and just nodded before looking away again. Realising she was not going to shake his hand, Edward lowered his own.

"Bella." She said quietly and he smiled briefly in acknowledgement.

"It's cold isn't it?" He said after a moment of silence. She wished he would go away. She was not in the mood for small talk.

"Hmm."

"Never been a big fan of Winter I must admit." He tried again and Bella had to fight the urge to sigh. This man could not take a hint.

"You have a nice day." She said curtly and with that she rose off the bench with her bag clutched tightly underneath her arm. She gave him a quick glance and walked off leaving Edward sitting there alone like she had been before. Before he ruined everything and sat down.

"Nice meeting you!" He called, she didn't look back. But she couldn't help but feel everything was about to change.

Again.


	6. Haunting Her Thoughts

**A/N: Sorry that there was no chapter last week as I was ill and I'm trying to meet deadlines. Glad that people are actually finding this interesting…that's always a good start! **

Bella hated change. She loathed it. She liked it when everything stayed the same. This dislike developed because through her whole life, it had been constantly changing. For once, she wanted to look at her life and see consistency. Of course, it was a silly thing to want. You couldn't prevent change and it made her dislike it even more. Her life was altered and twisted because of Renee and Charlie, controlled and precise with James, and now it was distorted because of the man.

Edward Cullen.

She tried not to let his abrupt appearance interfere with her life, or to have any impact on herself. She continued to immerse herself within the books that surrounded her at work, to lose herself and fade into the background of the endless chatter of topics that held no importance. To remain in her cold stance and intimidating attitude. To remain in control. Yet, at the back of her mind he stayed. He was everything that years ago that she would have been. Could have been. He was forthcoming, sociable and approachable. Instead she was the opposite. He had come near her when no one else had or would. It set her on edge. If he was able to sit by her without a care in the world, what else could he do? She sometimes wished she was like that. Careless. It would be less stressful. She would be able to breathe properly again without the weight pressing down on her chest. She felt restricted and bound to something she could not see. It was an anchor tied to her feet sucking her down to the depths of the unknown. She was drowning herself. Wound like a tight coil unable to unravel. She had become an observer of the world, not a participant. She was a rose with a thorn in her side. Perhaps several. She couldn't open up to people. Not even Angela, who was one of the only close friends she had. Everything she was holding in was slowly building up. One day it would all explode. And she didn't know what would happen to her if it did.

-xox-

Bella loved her job. Sure it wasn't much; it was only part time in her favourite book shop. That's one of the things she allowed herself to love. Books. She was one of those people who could read all day and would be content. Working there allowed her to experience one of life's little pleasures. To digest words that others had written. Ideas that had been picked out from their brains in moments unexpected. They allowed her to feel something. To feel something through the characters she loved and hated. She went on a journey with them. When they felt pain so did she. She could relate more to the negative emotions than the positive. James never liked her reading books. He said it put too many "funny ideas" in her head.

The boss liked Bella. She did not know this but he had grown some sort of fondness towards her like she was his own daughter. Marcus was in his late fifties, and had owned the shop for over twenty years. He remembered when Bella came to him for a job. Shy and so unsure of herself. He never asked about what happened to her, and yet he suspected it had something to do with a man of some sort. He had watched her become a woman with purpose yet so closed off towards the world. He wished that she would come out of her shell a little more. He had only seen her comfortable when she was sitting at the desk reading one of her books. That was the only time when you saw how she was really feeling. It was written all over her face. The emotions so clear, her eyes so open. He never told her this out of fear that she would stop reading all together. He admired her punctuality and the ability to keep all the books in the right place even if the customers ruined this on a daily basis. She showed no annoyance and was constantly rearranging everything into genres and alphabetical order. The book shop had a much more efficient system since she came along. He was very grateful. And in turn, Bella had some sort of father figure in her life.

-xox-

For the fifth time today, Bella was checking and rearranging the romance section. It was her least favourite and yet the one that demanded most of her attention. She found that she could never escape the duty of having to wonder down that aisle. Surrounded by the memories of the lies, the betrayals and the loneliness. She scoffed at the books with the happy endings, and admired the ones without. She liked it when the girl didn't get the boy. The prince never saved the princess. It matched the feelings of her cold cold heart. Unhappy endings were most realistic.

"Bella, you don't have to do that!"

Marcus startled her as she nearly dropped one of the books.

"Oops, sorry about that" he apologised as Bella replaced it correctly.

"Its fine Marcus, I was just thinking"

He smiled. "You're always thinking. A young woman like you should be out enjoying herself, not messing with the books"

"I like being here" she replied indignantly. Even sometimes she was rude to Marcus. And she hated herself for it. He was never fazed though.

"I know you do Bella, I still think you shouldn't spend so much time in here. There's a whole world out there, you should be seeing it, not watching it from inside here"

The amount of times Bella had heard this was endless. It never registered that her life was wasting away.

"Yeah, maybe later Marcus, I just need to finish up this section" she said attempting to reach for the high shelf but Marcus prised the book out of her hands and replaced it faster than she ever could due to his height.

"I'll do that. Go now, I don't want to see you until Monday. Now off with you!"

Bella sighed. She hated not working. It gave her more time to think. She didn't want to think. It had taken up too much of her time. She dwelled too much, and sitting at home alone allowed her to do this. Marcus was right. She did need to go out. Before she met James she would have jumped at the chance to escape from her home for some freedom. Now she was a recluse. She hated the social party scenes, and preferred her own company. She couldn't stand to listen to the people who complained about all the little things in life. There was much bigger things going on in the world that were more important. She hated their ignorance. But the fact that she also used to be. Before it all changed. Before her wake up call.

She gave a half hearted wave to Marcus before grabbing her bag off the desk and walking outside the shop. It was cold and she hugged herself tighter. She walked down the road and kept her head down. Keeping out of sight. Not drawing attention to herself. Becoming invisible. She joined the short queue of people waiting for hot drinks and eventually got to the front.

"Coffee please"

She reached into her purse to retrieve the money when a hand shot out narrowly missing her head with the money already in hand.

"I'll get this"

Bella looked up and saw the man that had been haunting her thoughts for the past couple of days next to her.

He was going to pay for her.

Bella was furious.


	7. Cold Hard Exterior

**A/N: *Hides* I'm sorry about the LOOOONG delay but I've had so many deadlines to meet that had to come first before my writing. But it's finally here! Hopefully some of you are still with me. **

Bella had not experienced annoyance or irritation for a long time. It was almost a foreign emotion to her. Like she wasn't completely human. But it was there, and it was running through her veins. It was almost exhilarating.

"You will most certainly not pay for me Mr Cullen"

The man behind the counter looked confused at what was transpiring. Edward's hand was still outstretched with the money in hand but he had still not taken it after Bella's sharp tone.

"Look its fine. Let me get this for you"

His defiance made Bella even angrier. How dare he. She did not need a man to pay for her own coffee. It reminded her of an older self. The one who was reliant on James financially. The embarrassment of asking him for change to get her through the day for the simplest necessities.

"Mr Cullen. You do not need to pay for me, nor do I want you to"

She tried to keep her tone low, but it was rising slowly with the annoyance that was building. Others in the queue were starting to look at her as if she was a mad woman. Edward seemed to be highly amused and yet almost frustrated by her refusal to something as simple as buying a drink.

"Look at it as an apology" he turned towards the man behind the counter "Just take the money, keep the change"

Bella watched, fuming in silence as Edward brought her coffee and handed it to her without a word. She glared at him and promptly stored off.

"Bella! Wait!"

She kept on walking until he ended up in front of her, stopping her getaway. He held up in hands in surrender. As if she was going to attack him.

"I'm sorry ok?"

"Have you been following me?"

He grimaced. The moment turning awkward and the tension filled the air.

"It wasn't like that, I swear. I saw you walking and I followed you with only the intention of apologising."

She didn't reply and only stared at his pleading eyes. She never thought Edward could look so helpless. It didn't suit him.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for bothering you, and I was extremely rude to make such an assumption on the bench. "

"There was no need for you to do that! I'm perfectly capable of buying my own coffee" she snapped, the anger and humiliation surging through her body.

"Jesus Christ! It's just a drink. I can go and take it back if you really want me too"

"I clearly explained Mr Cullen, that I did not want you to buy it for me" she said it slow and even, emphasizing the words.

"Next time I will remember in the future not to bother"

Edward's patience was starting to wear thin. Her outburst was unexpected and he did not know how to deal with it. For the first time in his life, he felt unsure of himself. And it showed.

Bella immediately felt guilty. He was a man who had tried to be friendly and it had failed in circumstances beyond his control. His attempts were always going to be unsuccessful. He would have made a good friend. A companion. Someone who could deal with all her insecurities, her issues and attitude. But only if she let him. And she wasn't sure if she could. Or even wanted too.

She took a deep breath to calm herself, "It's fine" she replied in her monotone voice. Her eyes were dead. She felt hollow. But Edward could see it. He could see it all. He could see right through the façade.

"It's obviously not."

"Mr Cullen –"she began.

"Edward"

Bella sighed.

"Edward. I accept your apology and thank you for buying me coffee"

"Seriously if you don't want it, I will take it back and we can forget all of this and –"

She interrupted him sharply, "Its fine. I'll keep it"

He was not satisfied. But he took it anyways. He could understand that she was not like others. Something had gone wrong in her life. Maybe many things. In a way he was fascinated. There were many layers to Bella, and for some reason he wanted to unravel them and discover what was hiding underneath the cold hard exterior she fought so hard to maintain.

They both took deep breaths and calmed themselves down. It was unlike either of them to get so worked up over something so trivial.

He stared at her intently and Bella looked away, feeling the blush rising to her cheeks. She hadn't felt this way for a long time. The heat on her face. Her embarrassment on display.

"You might want to drink your coffee. Don't want to have to go and buy you another one" he joked, a slight grin on his lips.

She admired his effort at the breaking the tension. She bite her lip, and his eyes were automatically drawn to the action that she immediately released it from her teeth. To distract herself she quickly sipped her drink. It burned her mouth, and warmed her insides. If only it could warm her heart.

"I should be getting back home" she said softly, glancing at floor quickly before looking up again.

"What is it that you do, Bella?" he asks, his head tilting to the one side in curiosity.

"I work in a book shop not far from here, just round the corner," she replied, thinking of her favourite place and the books all lined up in order. She realised that she had told him of her whereabouts without a second thought. He could easily find her. And yet, that thought did not scare her as much as she thought it would have.

"So, you like to read?" he states, smiling at her.

She nodded her head and averted her gaze from his smile. "I really do" she tells him.

"Let me walk you back there"

She felt her eyes widen in panic and her throat constricted with unease. "Oh no, you don't have to do that. My boss let me have the rest of the day off"

This wasn't her. She did not stand chatting with a stranger, or a man whose first name she had only recently found out. She found him easy to talk too, simple. The conversation was not forced. She didn't have to make an effort and she didn't know why. She was becoming less rude towards him. She had divulged information that she never would usually within the space of five minutes. What was wrong with her? Was it his easy smile?

He chuckled, unaware of her mind spinning with the thoughts of panic and confusion. "Lucky you, my lunch is almost over"

She nodded, not knowing what to say in response and sipped her coffee. A silence fell over them and she began to feel awkward. The words had escaped her, and she suddenly felt shy. She remembered her sudden flare-up and felt ashamed. She wanted to erase the memory. She wanted him to forget everything he had seen. Forget her and her bench. To leave her broken self, and waste his friendliness on someone who deserved it and would respond.

"I don't do it enough to be honest" he said, interrupting her train of thought.

"Do what?"

"Read. Never really got into it" he mused, scratching the back of his head.

"I couldn't live without it"

_Where did that come from? _

The words had rolled and slipped off her tongue and out of her mouth. She had never admitted this out loud for the fear that someone or something would take away her books. The one thing she now couldn't stand to lose. Without them, she would be lost. Even more than she is now. She had divulged a secret that she held precious to her heart.

"I guess I couldn't live without my phone" he smirked "But I guess that's not the same"

She bite her lip again. A habit. And again he noticed straight away.

"No I guess not" she replied quietly.

He shuffled his feet. "I should get going. It was…erm…nice seeing you again"

"Yeah…thanks for the…you know and... I'm…you know about before" she stumbled over her words and could not get her own apology out. She was mortified.

He smiled slightly and put her at ease. She liked his smile.

"Anytime, might see you around in your book shop or something"

He wanted to see her again. She didn't think she could handle another run in.

"Maybe" she said quietly, and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. He gave her an awkward wave and he walked off in the opposite direction. She watched him go. She noticed the coffee in her hand was empty and she promptly threw it away as if it was infected. The memories had to go. They had to disappear. She had to disappear from his mind, and he had to vanish from hers.

But for both, that was not an easy task.


	8. The Soul Grew Weary

**A/N: I like reviews, they make me happy :D Enjoy!**

Angela burst out laughing, clutching her wine glass as it spilled around the edge of it. Her legs curled up underneath her. The image of comfortableness. Her smile radiated around the room and the laughter lines indented into her skin. The sound of freedom and contentment was being spilled from her mouth and into the air, which engulfed Bella like a restricted rope that made her long for it to be freed. She wanted to savour the sound, capture it, and somehow absorb it into her bones. She wanted to steal the laughter for a while, pretend it was her voice. Her voice bursting. She could not even remember what her laugh sounded like. The laugh forgotten. The memory faded. It had disappeared. Maybe it had been sucked down, deep within her and refused to resurface. Or had her laugh been pulled out and moved to someone else? And somewhere, deep inside her, wanting to feel nothing was a spark. A pulse that burned with the desire to be rid of the numbness that contained and strangled her relentlessly. She was drained. Life had been drained and the soul grew weary.

Bella watched Angela giggle to herself before gasping for breath and clutching her stomach. She had forgotten what was so amusing. The moment passed and she took a sip of her wine. Tasting the flavour of sweetness that lingered on her tongue. The colour red reflecting her awkwardness and embarrassment of not being capable of a basic human reaction. To laugh. It was unusual for Bella to feel awkward around one of her closest friends, and yet it was a reminder that she could never be the social butterfly. The one who breezed through her days with ease. A harsh and piercing reminder to her heart of all that had transpired and all that had been done. Everything she had lost, and the little she had gained in return. Angela was everything Bella should and could have been. If life had not been so vindictive. Maybe she would have been laughing just as hard. Or the type to just smirk, the corners of the mouth twisting up and stretching.

"Oh Bella, it was the funniest thing I've seen for ages" Angela gasped interrupting Bella's internal yet tortured thoughts. She wiped a delicate finger under her eye to catch a tear that had welled up with her laughs.

"What?" she replied absent-mindedly as Angela focused on Bella's face.

"What's wrong Bella, you seem distracted"

She was. She felt sidetracked and unfocused. Confused and being nagged by the feeling that she was drifting. She had never experienced these feelings of uncertainty and doubt. The panic bubbled underneath her skin that tingled with nerves and yet she refused for it to show on her face. For her feelings to be displayed to the world like an open book. Even Angela.

"It's nothing" she replied quietly and Angela regarded her with a look that said she did not believe her. Angela was not one to back down. Maybe that's why they had a sort of friendship. One that had lasted longer and had more substance.

"Honey, you can tell me. You know that"

Bella nodded and sipped her wine again, hoping to distract her friend from the topic.

"Did something happen?"

And Bella wanted to tell. Oh god, did she want too. To pretend for a while that she was a normal young woman gossiping with her best friend about the handsome man who had approached her out of the blue. To fantasize about meeting him again and how they will be the boy-meets-girl story. To imagine their fairytale wedding, and the adorable babies they would have. But it all sounded so trivial. It would never happen. They would never talk like that. Bella didn't know how. The words were captured in her throat. Swirling round her head and screaming to be released from her tongue. But her lips remained shut, and the stitches were not released. The lips sewn together to hold secrets.

Angela sighed, used to the silence she received daily. She didn't like to pry, or push, or appear to Bella that she was being nosy. She just wished Bella would open up more and not be so reclusive and aloof. It obviously was not doing her any good. Locking it all away. She doubted Bella even had a journal or somewhere to release all her locked up thoughts.

"Ok...but you know if you want to talk about it. You can"

Bella nodded. Grateful for Angela's sensitivity and the warmth she attempted to project.

"It's just…someone I met…and it's made me think. That's all" she said quietly, staring outside the window.

Angela leaned forward in her seat and sipped her nearly empty wine glass. She was intrigued. Bella never talked about meeting other people outside the book shop, or ones that had any impact on her. "What you thinking about?"

"Nothing important" she lied.

Ever since her second meeting with Edward and her flare up, it had lingered in her thoughts. A nagging memory that kept being replayed over and over in her head. Even though it made her cringe, the reminder of her shouting, it never went away. She thought of him. The way he looked when she snapped at him. He hadn't been expecting it and yet he dealt with it well. It was like he knew what to do. He hadn't come into the shop yet. Maybe he hadn't found it or he had forgotten about her. Either way she found herself glancing at the front door when rearranging books. Even Marcus could see she was preoccupied with the smiles he gave her when he caught her looking. But he never came and she wondered if he would at all. She did not know why she was so bothered by this thought. Perhaps it was because he was the second person in her life who had attempted to engage with her properly apart from Angela. A persistent figure in the background. She often thought she would see him again in the park. But it had been over the week and she hadn't. She felt uneasy. Like something was missing. She didn't understand why he was having such an effect and she didn't like it. This lack of control over her train of thought. So she pushed him away. To the back of her mind that she hoped his image would fade. That she would forget his features and what his voice sounded like.

"Well this someone must have made quite an impression on you" Angela said cheerily before setting her wine class down on the table in front of her. Bella downed the last of her drink and relished in the burn that slid down her throat.

"Yeah…I guess they did" Bella said quietly and glanced out the window again.

"Hey missy! Don't go all airhead on me"

Bella sighed and focused her attention back on her friend again.

"Let's forget about the mysterious man and –"

Bella's eyes widened. "I never said it was a man!"

Angela laughed. "Please, only men turn our lives upside down, and by the looks of it this one seems to have already succeeded."

Bella froze. She knew all about men affecting lives. It wasn't Angela's fault for the comment because she didn't know enough. Bella never revealed the true extent, not even half of it. So she shrugged it off.

"Anyways, we are going to open another bottle of wine and you're going to listen to me moan about my awful day at the office and tell me I need to suck it up. Then you can tell me about the disasters at the book shop!"

"There are never any disasters –"

Angela picked up the empty wine glasses and shook them at her teasingly.

"Exactly! Not with you around. You're like superwoman; I don't know what Marcus would do without you"

"The books would be out of order?"

Angela disappeared and Bella could hear her clanging around for a new bottle. She eventually came back waving a new one her hand and Bella shook her head.

"Let's live a little. We need to see a smile off you!"

Bella bite her lip and let Angela fill a glass for her. She wondered if she would ever smile properly again. And she couldn't stop the image of a smirking Edward appearing in her mind before it disappeared again.


	9. Blindly Walking

**A/N: Apologises for the delay, but my education has taken over since I have all my exams coming up so updates will not be as frequent. **

He was a fading figure in the background of her foggy mind that had turned into a shadow. His features had become blurred and she was struggling to remember which way his smile turned upwards. The left or the right? But she was good at that. Forgetting. Removing memories that she did not want, and the ones that lingered she pressed to the back. He had definitely changed something. She felt more restless. Not the calm collective self she usually was. The sound of his laugh loitered around in the air, and she would turn her head if she heard it. It never was his laugh. It had whispered away into the swirls of the air and smoke that polluted the earth. She could not help but wonder why he had become so removed. She started to question if she had imagined it all. If he was real. He seemed different to everyone else. He acted like he actually cared, that he would be bugging her constantly. She liked the idea of that. His presence leaving an everlasting imprint on her life. The imprint burned, and scolded her skin. It left her feeling itchy, uncomfortable and unable to sit still. Her fidgety body was waiting for something, for someone, for him to appear. To resurface from the diminishing depths of her captured memories of him. In a way, she did not blame him. She was harsh, the opposite of everything he was. Maybe he had realised that maybe she was best left alone. To stumble along in life, tripping her way through tragedy and skipping the decisions that needed her attention. She was annoyed and confused at the emotions and thoughts he had drew out of her. She was tired. So very tired of the life she owned. Stuck in a rut that she begged to crawl out of. Her days planned and organised. Firm and practical. She went to the book shop, fiddled with the orders, dodged Marcus and went home. The predictable life. The easy life. The life she never wanted. The life she could never have.

-xox-

Bella sat at the main desk next to the till sorting out the books that had been put on reserve. It had been a quiet day, and not many customers had come in. Marcus had popped out for lunch so she was enjoying the silence of the shop. She sighed and picked up a stack that needed to be put back in the romance section. She often found herself taking regular trips down that particular aisle. It seemed to laugh at her. She didn't like to stay down there too long. The wood and the books seemed to mock her. She could feel the eyes of their spines staring at her with pity. She did not want it or need it. But it was something she could not avoid. Evil aisle. Haunting section and the genre she disliked the most. Her empty heart, hollow beats and pumps. The ever rising panic of emptiness that consumed her whole, until she felt her lungs constrict from invisible smoke. She hated that aisle. And as she walked down it, her feet felt heavy as she walked. Her feet felt like failing. No more walking towards sorrow they screamed in protest. Clamps and chains on her ankles, anchoring her to that section forever. Seeing it, and touching it but never actually experiencing it. Never feeling it. Her eyes closed in defeat and she placed the books back in the right order. Their covers bright and colourful. Splashed with flowers, hearts and skies so blue. The typical romance novel. She shoved the last book in particularly hard. She felt guilty for a second. Mistreatment of the book, reflecting the mistreatment of herself.

The bell above the door rang, signalling someone had entered the shop. Probably Marcus returning from his lunch. With a sigh she briskly walked out of the section that clutched at the despairs of her heart. The cold one, the lonely one. Beating for no one else but herself. She rounded the corner and gasped.

It wasn't Marcus.

Her noise made him turn around. He was dressed causally, jeans and a white shirt with his coat unbuttoned halfway. She took in his features, and his face was captivated in her mind. His messy red bronzed hair, with the piercing green eyes.

"Edward..." she breathed. His name falling from her lips felt good. It burned in a sweet way. Bittersweet for a beautiful man. Her feet planted to the floor and she found she could not move towards him. She felt shock and annoyance. She had been hung over the fact that he said he might see her again. It had been two weeks and she felt embarrassed that she had become almost obsessed with him. But he was here. He had come, just not when she expected him too. She'd almost forgotten all about him. Almost.

"Bella" he nodded and the air filled with tension. They felt uneasy. Their last meeting hanging over them like a reminder.

"Wh- what are you doing here?" she stuttered in disbelief.

"You mentioned you worked here. And I thought I could try and get into reading"

She paused. "But that was weeks ago..." she trailed off. Not wanting to give away she had been counting the days. Obsessive girl. Mad girl she thought.

He scratched the back of his head and shuffled his feet. "Yeah...I've been busy lately. Work and other things."

"Oh" she nodded and looked down shyly. Excuses were beginning to pour out.

"My sister, she's getting married in a couple of months. Bit of a whirlwind at the moment. She's a perfectionist." He smiled fondly at the mention of her. His little ball of energy.

Bella looked up at the mention of a family member. He had a family, a real one. He had a sibling, someone who had links to him in ways she did not. In ways she did not with her own family.

"Yeah...so that's the reason I haven't been in earlier –"

"No it's fine. I didn't expect you to"

Red stained her cheeks. The thought of her moping and watching the door these past few weeks made her inwardly cringe. His reappearance shocked her nerves and sent volts through her.

"Do you have a lunch break anytime soon?"

She glanced at the large clock on the wall. Marcus would be back soon and then she could leave. She could leave with him.

"Yeah" she replied quietly, pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. He noted the action.

"Come with me Bella" he took a step closer, and she could not help notice how her body tensed, waiting for something.

"Where?"

He paused before tilting his head. "Anywhere"

She could go with him. It was no problem. Marcus would return and it would all be so simple. But she hesitated. She was blindly walking on a straight line, falling off the edges. She wanted to jump, to leap into the unknown, and yet the comfort of what she had always known and feeling safe within the shop kept her there. Her little place of escape. And yet the place that kept her prisoner at the same time.

He realised she was silent and panicked. "We can just go and get a drink...or something"

She said nothing.

"I mean it's up to you...we don't have to get a drink...we can err...get some food" he stumbled through his words and felt nervous. He ran his fingers through his hair. An anxious habit.

She looked up at him, and her mouth twitched. He was...adorable.

"A drink sounds good"

He looked up quickly as if she misheard. Then he smiled a small one timidly in case she would change her mind. She didn't smile back though, her teeth pressed into her lip.

"Cool...do you want me to come back in a bit?"

She hesitated. But she couldn't leave until Marcus got back, and she didn't feel up to the awkward questions he would ask about the beautiful man in a shop asking her for a drink.

"Yeah, that would be good"

He nodded and zipped his coat back up.

"Right...I'll see you soon then?"

"Yeah...soon"

He glanced back at her and quietly walked out the shop, the door closing softly and hitting the bell again. An echoing sound round the shop indicating he had left.

Bella breathed out. Feeling released from the hold he held upon her when he was in her presence.

And then the knots formed within her stomach.


	10. The Knots

**A/N: -waves- Hey to all the new people who have just joined the ride, and thanks for putting me on alert! **

The knots twisted, turned and pulled at her stomach. It made her feel sick, and coiled up inside. The tightness around her heart squeezed and she felt like she had been tossed up into the air with no safety net to land on. She had jumped. Leaped in fact and now her act of impulsiveness was backfiring. She was nervous and stood there wringing her hands for a good couple of minutes after he left. The silence of the bookshop, apart from the constant ticking of the clock made her safe haven feel eerie. Her body was tensed, and was preparing itself for an attack. She felt like she had stepped over into no man's land, vulnerable and waiting for a war to emerge from the other side. She was the solider with no armour, and Edward was the bomb that was going to explode in her face. All her instincts told her to run, leave before he came back. She had time. She could do it. Marcus would come back, she would smile and make a quick getaway. Her chest felt tight and she clutched at her heart as it raced. The heart that was wrapped was beating, and yet seemed to be pumping nerves and fear through her veins. Why did she do it? Why did she accept his invitation? It was so unlike her. A person, she hardly knew, and she was going with him to an unknown location. The inevitable failure was looming and she could feel it.

In an attempt to slow her heart, measure her breath and calm herself down she momentarily closed her eyes and focused on the ticking of the clock. She breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth. A calming ritual she regularly practiced. Her heart stopped pumping as fast and the tension in her hands was released slightly. She flexed her fingers and the ache that remained in her palm reminded her of the way she had been clenching her hand tightly. Fingernail imprints burned onto her skin. Her own mark. A reminder that she wasn't normal.

The bell above the door was hit, the sound startling her.

"Bella…what are you standing there for?" Marcus exclaimed as he stepped into the shop and untied the scarf from around his neck.

She stood there awkwardly, the knots still twisting and pulling from inside her. It felt like the ties from her stomach were directly linked to her heart and was tugging painfully.

"Well, never mind, you can go for lunch"

He walked over to main desk with the reserve books still piled up. With the arrival of Edward, all thoughts of work had gone out of the window.

"This pile looks about the same size it was when I left it" Marcus joked and Bella instantly felt bad.

"I'm sorry, I got distracted"

Marcus waved her off with his hand and plonked down heavily into his favourite chair.

"It's fine! Was only messing with you kid"

Bella nodded and slipped on her favourite jacket with the fur collar.

"Wrap up warm, its cold out there! You can take my scarf if you like"

She gave Marcus a small smile in gratitude and wrapped it round her neck. It was warm and soft against her skin. She stepped outside the shop and gasped as the cold air hit her. It pinched at her face and she instantly felt her cheeks blush with colour. Her hair whipped around her, becoming tangled in front of her eyes and she brushed it off impatiently. She quickly looked both to her left and right and breathed out when she could not see Edward anywhere nearby.

Unbeknownst to her, Edward was nearby and had been waiting across the road for something to do. He had stood up when he saw Bella exit the stop and for half a second, deliberated waving and making his presence known. However, this thought faded when he saw her intention to flee. At first, he was hurt that she planned to skip out on him and then slightly annoyed. She had not said no and yet at the time there seemed to be an air of hesitation and nervousness about her that he could not put his finger on. Determined to find out an explanation but not to be mad, he quickly crossed the road and followed Bella walking away with her head down. Attempting to shield herself from the wind. For a moment, he felt a bit guilty at following and did not want to come across as a stalker, but he thought he was owed at least a reason for her bailing not five minutes from her agreeing to go with him.

As Bella walked, she thought the knots in her stomach would untie and release her from the turmoil she had been suffering. In fact, they got worse as she walked away in order to avoid Edward. She crossed her arms over her stomach in a bid to get rid of the pain. She chewed on her lip at the rising feelings of guilt. An emotion she had not felt for a while. What would he think of her now? Her throat tightened at the thought of him being mad, and never seeing her again. What was wrong with her? Despite her feelings, she continued walking even though somewhere inside her body she protested.

"Bella!"

She stopped short and froze. Her breath catching as she heard his voice call her name. Panic rose up again and her stomach hurt even more. It hurt so badly. She wanted it to stop hurting. She turned slowly, and saw Edward quickly walking towards her. The knots pulled and fear gripped her like a vice. She wanted to bolt. To run as hard as she could, but her feet seemed to grow roots and tied her to the ground. Her breathing was harsher, and her eyes stung as she awaited the confrontation that was about to transpire. She couldn't do this.

"Bella!" he called again, and as quickly as she blinked he was in front of her. She looked up at him, and felt enclosed and trapped within his gaze.

Edward cautiously lifted his hand and placed it on her shoulder, murmuring words of reassurance as she realised she was speaking out loud under her breath. Her panics becoming real and obvious.

"I can't do this…I can't do this"

"Sssh Bella, it's ok"

His eyes were filled with worry and concern. Why was he looking so worried? She couldn't breathe and her arms were aching from the way she was holding herself tightly.

"Bella look at me!" his fingers held her chin gently, as he tilted her head so he could look more directly into her eyes.

"You need to breathe. Focus on me…that's it"

Bella listened to his soothing voice, and as she looked into the depths of his green she found her throat releasing slowly, and the air rushed down into her lungs. Her gasps lessened and the arms around her middle relaxed in their effort to hold her. The knots stopped pulling and the panic faded into a dullness that lingered. She realised both of Edward's hands were cradling her face gently, and the smoothness against her skin made her want to close her eyes and rest her head for a while. He looked as her as if she was precious and breakable.

But that's what she was to him. Edward saw a woman before him, who was scared and vulnerable like a child. Her eyes wide and filled with glistening panic. She looked so small. It was natural he felt so protective of her. There was a permanent fear in her eyes that contradicted the wall she tried so hard to keep up.

"Are you ok?"

Bella inhaled and exhaled slowly then nodded. Slowly, Edward released his hands from her face and she missed the warmth as the cold hit her cheeks again.

"Yeah…I…thanks" she stuttered, words failing to express how she felt right now. Her guilt and gratitude all mixed into one.

Edward nodded, satisfied that she was now calm and over her panics.

A short silence passed over between the two of them. The wind ripped through Bella's hair and she quickly tugged it behind her ear.

"I'm sorry" she blurted out quickly.

"For running out on me?"

Bella nodded, the shame making her feel sick again.

"If you didn't want to, you shouldn't have said yes"

It pained him to say it because he had really wanted to go with her. He wanted to get to know her. The woman with hard exterior that seemed to fail in his presence.

"No…I…did, I just…I"

She had wanted to go with him. She wanted to feel normal for once, to escape the clutches of her fear and anxiety and to be spontaneous. She wanted to be out of control and throw herself into the unknown instead of planning her days. But it had all backfired. She wasn't prepared for the fire that was waiting on the other side of the line she had jumped over. But she couldn't explain this to Edward. He wouldn't understand. She was too complex, to damaged and had wrapped herself so tight it would be a challenge to unravel herself.

"I shouldn't have sprung it on you like that" Edward said regretfully.

But she didn't want him to regret it. For a moment before the knots over took, the surprise of him asking evoked a feeling of sweetness.

"No…it's just…" she sighed before continuing "me".

Edward frowned at the blame for herself. She was obviously a very reserved person, and his offer for a drink had obviously been some sort of shock. She had reacted in fear, and the response of this reaction was to run. He only hoped she would soon stop running, long enough for him to catch up.

"Look, we can forget this ever happened. And I won't come by the shop again –"

"No!" she said quickly, cutting him off. The thought of never seeing him again made her throat tighten again.

Edward gave her a small smile and in return, she blinked.

"Do you still want to go for that drink?"

Again like before, Bella hesitated. She didn't want a repeat performance of what just happened, but Edward was here. He could keep her calm and grounded. He had that affect on her. But the reminder of what had happened earlier, the knots, the panics made her want to run again. She had jumped before and look what had happened.

Edward must have been able to recognise her indecision.

"Hey" his fingers touched her chin gently again "It's just a drink"

But to her it wouldn't. It would be her letting the barriers down, giving up the fight. Unless she could keep up this wall, just for the moment. Just for this one drink. Keep everything locked up and close to her chest. The only way she knew. She couldn't afford to let him in. He could tap on that wall, and look through it, but he would never come crashing through. She couldn't let it happen. The thought of exposure was her living nightmare.

Edward smiled, unaware of her thoughts "Come on"

With the armour locked into place, she nodded and avoided looking in his eye.

And the two of them started walking, the one more resistant than the other.


	11. From The Inside

Bella walked beside Edward in silence. They both did. It was not uncomfortable, but a tinge of uneasiness hung in the air. She was at war with herself. Constantly going back and forth within her head. The part that had been locked away for so long was nudging at her to let go, to rest for a while. The other was screaming at her to withdraw and defend herself. She felt like she was being torn into two different people and she did not know which one to be. For the first time in ages, she was feeling so many different emotions. Emotions that she had learnt to harness and ignore. She could not deny that Edward was bringing them out. Whether or not that was a good thing, she was unsure. He was persistent, that was for certain.

"Do you drink often?" Edward questioned, breaking her out of her deep thoughts.

"Only the occasional glass of wine by myself, sometimes with my friend"

Did that make her sound like an alcoholic in denial?

Edward, however, was not focused on that.

His brow furrowed slightly, "Friend?"

Bella took note of the curiosity in his tone, "My best friend Angela"

His forehead relaxed, and Bella almost smiled fondly at the mention of the friend who laughed so loud she shone.

"You close then?"

Bella nodded, unable to admit out loud how close she really did feel to Angela. She held back, the fear of jinxing the friendship made her panic slightly. Even though Angela did not know everything, she was the support system Bella needed to function. She could not, and would not lose it.

"That's good to hear…tell me about her"

So she did. It was one of the rare moments when Bella actually felt comfortable talking. She told Edward how Angela laughed so loud you could hear it from the other end of the street. How her smile seemed to light up the room. That she was always complaining about her job in the office, but secretly she loved it. She didn't tell Edward how Angela had been such a big support after running away from her parents and James. But still he listened, and seemed truly interested in what she had to say.

She realised that for the past couple of minutes, all she had talked about was her friend. She blushed in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry" she blurted out and Edward's eyes widened.

"What for?" he asked in surprised,

Bella ducked her head in awkwardness, "For babbling about my friend"

"It's fine. There's no need to apologise, she sounds really nice"

Bella blushed again and tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear. Edward noticed the movement as he always did. His hand itched to do it himself.

"We're here"

They walked into a small bar that seemed to be tucked away from the rest. As soon as Bella entered she marvelled at the cosy setting and the casual décor that reminded her of her own home. She instantly felt comfortable. There were a few people already having a quite drink, including a couple who were in the corner together intimately. She quickly looked away from the caresses of love.

"What do you want?"

"Glass of red please" she replied quietly, avoiding his stare. He nodded and ordered quickly.

"I can't stay long I have to get back"

"It's fine, just a quick drink then"

Edward handed her glass and Bella sipped it slowly, relishing in the taste that slid down her throat. The burn warming her from the inside out.

He led her over to a table in the quiet corner for some privacy and she followed him without question. It made her nervous. Her willingness to follow him. How far would she go to trail behind him?

They sat opposite each other, a safe distance from the close proximity they had experienced earlier during her panics. Bella felt more comfortable this way. It would be difficult for him to touch her. For his fingers to burn her skin.

"You feeling better?" he asked with a cautious tone.

She looked down embarrassed and nodded slightly, and Edward seemed to relax.

"Good, how's the wine?"

Bella sipped her glass again before answering, "It's lovely, thank you"

Edward grinned, his eyes twinkling with amusement "No problem!"

He started to undo the buttons on his coat again, warming up from the heat inside the bar.

"It's so cold outside, nice to feel some warmth for a bit" he said, rubbing his hands together for some friction.

Bella reached up and untie the borrowed scarf from around her neck and placed it carefully on the small table. Edward noted her perfectionist way of folding and the precision it was positioned.

"Nice scarf"

Bella blinked in surprise. It had been so long since she had received a compliment. It was for an item she did not own, but for the moment it made her feel a couple of inches taller.

"Thanks, I borrowed it off a friend"

"Angela?"

"No…Marcus"

Edward frowned slightly at the mention of another man's name. Questions quickly flickered through his mind in curiosity and a hint of jealously. Who was this man? How was he connected to Bella? Was he a friend, or more?

"Marcus…?"

"Oh, he owns the book shop I work at. He's really nice"

"Nice…

Surprisingly, Bella again launched into a rant about one of the closest male friends she's ever had.

"He gave me a job when I really needed one. He didn't have too, but he did and I will always be grateful for that. It's not the best paid but I love it, it's my second home. I spend so much of my time in there; he's always trying to get me to go out more. But I'd rather stay there, rearranging books and reading."

"Sounds like a great guy"

Bella nodded "Oh yes, he really is"

Edward could not help the jealously he felt towards a man he had never met, but to see Bella talk about someone with such admiration and gratitude stirred a need inside him for that look to cross her face when she talked about him. For once in the short time he had known her, she seemed more at ease talking about things she was more comfortable and familiar with. Today, he had made some sort of progress in getting to know her. She was slowly, but surely opening up. He believed she did not realise it though and he wondered what she would do if she did. His worst nightmare would probably come true, and she would close herself off altogether with no chance of return.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to see you earlier, but with the wedding and everything…"

Edward trailed off in mid apology and saw a significant change in Bella's stance. Her eyes instantly cast down and her hands became clasped in her lap. It seemed his absence had had some sort of affect.

"Its fine" she replied in a monotone voice. The voice that represented everything she was.

"You should see my sister, she's tiny but she can be a hurricane" he joked, hoping to lighten the mood.

Bella didn't say anything and continued to avoid meeting his gaze.

"I guess she's been planning it for so long that she wants it to be perfect you know? She's dreamed of getting married since she was a little girl and I guess it needs to fit her idea of a fairytale. I know she has high expectations but I think she knows deep down that the day is going to be just right anyways no matter what happens. I think she just likes the control to be honest"

He paused before smiling, "Or the chance to boss me around"

Bella nibbled on her lip at the description of his sister. The woman who once like herself had dreamed of the fairytale wedding with the white dress, a church, throwing the bouquet and marrying a man who she could see herself spending the rest of her life with. Now, Bella couldn't stand weddings. She hated the whole thing. For it to be once in her grasp, and then snatched away so quickly and so hurtfully made her resent the whole process. She envied his sister for still being allowed to love it so much.

"It's a good job Jasper loves her so damn much" he said thoughtfully, thinking of the man who was in love with his sister and it showed so much on their faces.

"Jasper?"

"Oh he's the lucky lucky groom obviously" he joked sarcastically, but the humour was lost on Bella. No one was lucky to get married. It would all end in tears.

"When's the wedding?"

"About 2 months away. So not long in bride days, to Jasper it seems ages away!"

"Well, I hope it all goes to plan" Bella said stiffly, and took another sip of her half empty glass. The taste of the wine calming and reminding her of home.

"Maybe…I mean if you want too…come with me" he stammered, unsure and nervous of his invitation.

Bella was oblivious to the request, "To what?"

Edward stared at her blankly, the confusion clear on her face. It hadn't registered that he was asking her to come to the wedding as his date.

"To the wedding…"

"You want…what…me to the wedding?" she said incredulously. Her words were stuttered and stammered, a sign of pain and insecurity.

"Yes, with me." he laughed nervously

"You want me…to come to the wedding."

"To the wedding." Edward repeated,

"With you."

"With me."

"To your sister's wedding."

"To my sister's wedding."

"Who I have never met."

"Who you've never met."

"Can you stop repeating please?" Bella said stiffly and Edward nodded seriously, picking up on Bella's tone.

"Yes…sorry" he said formally and Bella immediately felt slightly guilty for being so sharp but he had caught her off guard. As he always did. Bella quickly grabbed her glass and drank more than sip this time. God knows, she needed it.

"I don't think it's appropriate" Bella said calmly but sternly. The walls were coming back up. He had thrown a brick at her steady armour and it had rattled her from the inside.

"Excuse me? Why not?"

Edward was shocked at how quickly she had changed before his eyes. This was the cold Bella. The one that detached herself from everyone else.

"Well I don't know you, you don't know at me. Not nearly enough. You could be some crazy killer for all I know."

"So? We can get to know each other then. We've got two months."

"And…"

"I'll make you a deal. Within the next two months if you still think it's not appropriate for you to come to my sister's wedding then we can forget I ever asked. But I will ask you again, and it will be entirely up to you nearer the time"

Bella was silent and contemplating the offer. The idea of going to the wedding filled her with dread. It did not help that she hated weddings but she was going to be surrounded by strangers with the potential for them to ask awkward questions she did not want to answer or even think about. But the idea of getting to know Edward more was too appealing to pass up.

"Why are you so persistent? Why me?" She asked confused.

"Let's just say it was a spur of the moment. I just go for it in life, make sense?"

"Yeah I guess so. You're not afraid of consequences." Bella observed and Edward frowned thoughtfully to himself.

"No…I guess I'm not."

Bella looked down at her wine glass before Edward spoke again.

"Look I know this is weird. We have only just met and we know pretty much nothing about each other but I can't explain it but I think you should give me a shot. That is if you want and assuming your available."

Bella blinked. "Available?"

"You know…single, unattached."

"I am."

"Good, so you want to do this again sometime?" He asked hopefully.

Bella looked at him carefully. He did not look dangerous but appearances could be deceiving. She was silly for going off on her own with him but something about him and his presence was drawing her too him.

"Ok?" Edward could not help but feel hopeful.

"Ask me again nearer the time."

"Will do!"

Edward smiled at Bella but as usual she did not return it and stared at him blinking occasionally. This man was truly extraordinary.

"I think I should be getting back."

"Right of course."

A formality had settled over the relaxed conversation that was ending slightly on a sour note, particularly for Bella. She was confused and frankly surprised at herself how caught off guard she was. Her walls had not been as strong as she thought. She finished her glass quickly and wrapped the scarf around her neck and put on her coat. She watched under her eyelashes as Edward did the same.

He walked her back to the shop. A gentleman. He kept a safe distance and made an effort to make sure their hands did not brush between them. When they reached the shop he did not follow her in as she thought he would.

"Thank you for coming out with me during your lunch" he said graciously and Bella glanced nervously at the shop, wondering if Marcus was watching.

"It's fine."

"I'll see you again then."

Bella nodded slightly, "Yeah maybe."

Edward hesitated and shifted from foot to foot, almost as if he did not want to leave.

"Goodbye Bella."

"Goodbye Edward."

She watched as he walked off in the opposite direction from when they came before he suddenly stopped, turned around and started running back to her.

"Wait, Bella!"

She waited patiently before he was in front of her again slightly out of breath.

"I forgot…I don't even know your full name."

"Swan."

"Bella Swan. I like it, it suits you." He said cheerfully before giving her an awkward wave and jogging back off again.

She sighed and shook her head before going into the shop.

What an interesting lunch.


	12. Intuition

**A/N: Hope everyone is cool and groovy! Hey to all the new followers who are hiding somewhere and not saying hello. I send you all muffins. Chocolate ones obviously…**

**P.S There is a reference to the Fifty Shades of Grey book – if you hate it I apologise.  
There is also mention of E.T – if you haven't watched it, then you're missing out.  
**

The bell tingled above the door signalling Bella's return to the book shop. Marcus was at the counter dealing with a customer who was purchasing several books. He gave her a quick smile before turning his attention away from her again. She untied the borrowed scarf and hung it on the peg over the top of his coat. She would thank him again later.

A couple of other customers were pondering around the shop. It wasn't exactly big, but it was big enough to have a number of aisles locating the different genres. A mother and her young daughter were in the children's section, browsing the colourful books of fairy tale stories. Bella watched briefly as the two of them interacted. The unconditional love was apparent as the mother smoothed the little girl's hair affectionately. A bubble of pain was about to resurface but Bella pushed it down before the emotion could register in her brain. She quickly turned away from the scene and saw that a man was on his own looking in the history section. She watched as he picked up book after book, slowly turning the pages of each one before returning it. She hoped he was putting them back in alphabetical order.

Marcus finished with the customer who exited the shop carrying two heavy bags of books. Bella would have smiled as the customer walked past but as always it never reached her lips.

"Bella! How was lunch?" Marcus asked cheerfully as she took the seat next to him.

"Fine thanks. Was cold though but thank you for letting me borrow your scarf"

Marcus waved her off, "It's no problem at all, you should probably think about getting your own though it's not getting any warmer"

Bella nodded and noticed that the reserve pile had shrunk since she had left.

"I've been getting a lot of phone calls, they all wanting to know if we have that damn book"

"What book?" she asked.

"That book….you know…something to do with grey or shades of grey"

"Fifty shades of Grey"

Marcus clicked his fingers together, "That's the one! Honestly, I don't understand why women would want to read about stuff like that. In my day we never had any of this, it was done one way and that was it!"

Bella felt her cheeks flush at Marcus mentioning sex back in 'his day'. It made her cringe slightly. She saw Marcus as an older male figure she looked up too, and felt embarrassment at the topic. The whole sex thing had not even entered her mind since she had left James. It had been nice in the beginning and then it had become another chore. James had taken and never gave back. He had always been rough as well, hurting her and ignoring her whimpers when it became uncomfortable. She certainly hadn't missed it because she didn't really know what she was missing out in the first place.

"Do you think I should get some in?"

Bella chewed on her lip, feeling uncomfortable "It's up to you. I heard it's bestseller at the moment"

"Best seller! Jesus…whatever happened to the classics"

"It might bring more profit in"

Marcus frowned slightly and sighed. "Yeah...that might be something to think about"

"Marcus, what's wrong?"

"Let's just say that the income isn't very good at the moment. But don't you worry about a thing, I'll get some of these books in and they'll be flying off the shelves."

Bella felt the knots return in her stomach. She felt sick at the thought of her beloved shop existing no more. It was a big part of her life, the one thing that kept her grounded and safe. The only thing she had allowed herself to fully love with her whole heart. Losing it would most certainly send her to rock bottom again.

"Bella, look at me" Marcus said sternly. He hadn't meant to upset her, but he couldn't keep the knowledge from her in case the worst possible outcome came true. He knew how much she loved this place and he hoped it wouldn't resort to him permanently leaving the closed side flipped on the door.

"It's going to be fine. I don't want you worrying over this"

Bella nodded and continued to feel the knots twisting. She would worry about this at night. Twisting and turning, unable to sleep with the possibility that her life would return to the way it was before. Dull and cold by herself. Nothing to do but surround herself with reminders and memories she would rather forget.

The mother and her young daughter suddenly appeared at the counter, with two several colourful books in tow. The little girl hugged them to her chest as if they were the most precious thing in the world. Bella remembered feeling like that at one point. Books still made her feel that way but that was only thing she could feel for.

"Go on Anna, give your books to the nice man" The mother encouraged gently, and the little girl tentatively went on her tiptoes to place the two books in front of Marcus.

Bella was unable to watch, "Excuse me" and quickly stepped from behind the counter and briskly made her way over to one of the aisles. Which one she did not know as she was too focused on getting away. Marcus watched her out of the corner of his eye concerned but didn't say anything and continued to ring up the two books.

Bella had made her way down the History section where the man was still browsing. He looked up briefly at her sudden appearance and gave her a dazzling smile. He had sandy blonde hair and was dressed smartly. The book he was holding was focused on some war, but she could not see the title only the pictures gracing the spine. She nodded at him as her way of apologising for disturbing him and quickly left the aisle and went to the next one.

-xox-

The phone rang in her apartment and Bella quickly paused the action film she was watching. She had forgotten the name of the film and it was better than watching the rerun of Bridget Jones.

"Hello?"

"Bellllaaaa" Angela sang down the phone and Bella felt herself relax slightly, "What are you doing?"

"Just watching a film"

"Romance?" she asked hopefully. She had been forever trying to get Bella to watch one, but she had never relented and so Angela had to compromise with comedies.

"No way, action move as always. Guns and all"

Angela clicked her tongue over the phone and Bella's mood improved significantly from today. She had been worrying all afternoon about the future of the shop despite the looks Marcus kept giving her.

"How was work then?"

Bella hesitated and Angela immediately knew something was wrong. That's what she loved about her. Call it friend's intuition.

"Bella…what's happened"

"Oh Angela, it's the shop. Marcus let slip today it's in a bit of trouble."

"I'm so sorry Bella"

Bella couldn't help feel irritated at Angela apologising. What was sorry going to achieve. It wasn't going to make things better. Saying sorry wasn't going to magically introduce profit into the shop. She never really understood it when other people or even strangers said sorry when they heard bad news. Like when you told someone that a person had died that was close to you. It's always the same "I'm sorry to hear that" or "I'm so sorry for you". Bella didn't see the point anymore. But she didn't want to take it out on Angela. She didn't know any better.

"I know" she replied in a monotone voice.

"It will work itself out. Don't stress yourself over it too much honey"

"Marcus has been telling me that all day"

Angela chuckled slightly, "Maybe you should listen to him then"

"How was the office then?" Bella asked, attempting to change the subject away from her and the shop.

"Same old same old, hey you should have come lunch with me"

"I had…er…plans"

Angela was silent on the end of the line for half a second.

"What…you had plans? With who?"

"Just someone" Bella said nervously. Her lip was being chewed mercilessly by her teeth.

Angela gasped over the phone, "Oh my god!"

"What, what!"

"You're joking!" Angela cried,

Bella was utterly confused and a headache was beginning to form with Angela's cries over the phone.

"You have got to be kidding me!"

"Angela! Focus!"

"You saw that guy…the mysterious man. The one who was making you think and stuff!"

"I never said that" Bella replied defensively, but she knew deep down that Angela had somehow rumbled her.

"You didn't have too. I can hear it your voice…oh my god…shit where's my keys?"

Bella could hear Angela rummaging around on the phone and became even more nervous.

"Angela, what are you doing?"

"Stay right there. I'm coming over!" Angela cried, and Bella suddenly found herself craving a drink.

"Why are you coming over?" she asked,

"Because this is a conversation that cannot be done over the phone!"

"But Angela – "

The phone went dead signalling that Angela had hung up and Bella put the phone down sighing and shaking her head in confusion at what had just happened.

She decided to tidy up a bit since her friend was making an appearance. She cleared away the plate she had been eating her meal off and put it in the sink for later. She wasn't looking forward to Angela coming round. She was going to ask all sorts of questions she wasn't sure she could actually answer or even want too.

Twenty minutes later, the door buzzer rang and she quickly ran to the speaker.

"Hello"

"Bella let me up!"

Bella buzzed Angela up and could hear her running up the stairs at full speed before knocking on her door. Bella opened and Angela bustled in carrying two supermarket bags.

"I've brought the good stuff!"

She went straight to the small kitchen and started getting everything out the bags.

"Right two bottles of wine, I have chocolate…actually a lot of chocolate"

Bella watched silently as Angela poured too big glasses of wine and dragged her gently by the hand to one of her sofas.

Bella sat and took a gulp of her glass, knowing she was going to need it.

"Right the inquisition of Bella Swan starts…now!"

Bella widened her eyes at the word 'inquisition'. She sounded like she was being investigated for murder.

"Name?"

"My name? But you just said it" Bella said confused and Angela shook her head.

"Not your name silly, I already know it! His name….come on, I want the details"

"I'm not sure this is a good idea –"

"Bella, ever since you showed up here you have never had a date with a man, let alone even looked at one, not to mention had a full blown conversation with one…"

"It wasn't a date" she mumbled and continued sipping her wine.

"Whatever, the point is…you've made contact and I need to know everything!"

"You're making me sound like an alien from out of space who has made contact with the male species for the first time"

"That's exactly what you are. You're like E.T, obviously a prettier version."

"You're comparing me to E.T…" Bella said sceptically as Angela nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes I'm comparing you to E.T…obviously you don't ride in a bicycle basket with children flying in the air…but that's not the point!"

Bella was stunned into silence.

"Name please"

"Angela…" Bella said hesitantly,

"Bella…don't shut me out now" she pleaded, her eyes wide with hope.

His name was on the tip of her tongue. All she had to do was let it roll off and release into the air. She was dying to talk about him with someone. To get all her questions out in the air, and to feel the weight lift off her shoulders. She needed a girl. Another woman to talk to about the beautiful man who was making her feel so much all at once.

That's probably why she told her in the end, after taking a big breathe.


	13. The Keeper

**A/N: I don't own Twilight, I sometimes wish I did. There again, I would have killed off Jacob after the first book. But I guess I'm just a violent reader…**

**Anyways, I'd love to know what you think so drop me a review or a message! **

"Come on, give it to me honey!" Angela joked as Bella stared at her wide eyed trying to remind herself to breathe. Her tongue was twisted, but his name was pushing off the edge.

_Just open your mouth, and say his name. _

Angela was oblivious to Bella's inner turmoil. She just looked like a deer caught in the headlights of some flashy car. Talk about nervous.

"It's…his name…" Bella stuttered and stammered.

Angela crossed her arms in annoyance, "Spit it out. You're not saying Bloody Mary!"

"OK! It's Edward" Bella threw up her hands in exhaustion and felt her cheeks flush.

Angela, who was surprised at how easy it was to get Bella to tell her, was ecstatic. A real man!

"Ooohh Edward, that's a very 18th century name…is it 18th century? I don't know…I was shit at history but anyways it's traditional. I bet he's a gentleman…he's a gentleman isn't he? Oh my god, he so is. Did he open doors for you? He better had, or I'm going to kick him right in the –"

"Angela!"

"Sorry, rambling over here!" Angela said bashfully and sat opposite Bella in a comfy chair.

She tucked her legs underneath her, and leant forward in earnest. She was encouraging Bella with her wide eyes.

"Belllaaa" she sang, "You can't stop now. It's just getting good!"

Bella crossed her arms in a defensive position. She didn't mean too, and Angela was her friend but didn't want to talk about the whole Edward situation. It was too confusing, and she didn't like the way it was mixing her up inside.

"I don't really want to talk about him to be honest." she said stiffly.

"You sure?"

"Yes." she replied flatly, and Angela sat back.

The air became thick with tension and both women sat there feeling very uncomfortable in each other's company. Angela was thinking of something to say that wouldn't touch Bella's nerves and Bella was trying not to think at all.

Angela sighed. "Girl you burst my bubble here. I got all excited!"

"I could see that."

"Sorry" she replied apologetically, "It's just…I'm happy for you."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Happy for me? Why?"

Her friend shrugged and gulped greedily at her wine before answering, "I don't know, he just seemed to bring something out of you I guess."

"Out of me?"

"You know…he made you _feel." _

Angela knew to some extent that Bella had an issue with expressing her emotions. She knew that she closed herself out, but she had no idea of how bad it had become. How dark thought of anxiety, fear and panic possessed her every day. Bella was good at putting on a blank mask. At least, she thought she was until Edward appeared to be seeing through it.

"That's not always a fine thing."

"Oh my god, honey he's good for you. It is a fine thing."

"Him making me feel is not what I want." Bella argued and sipped at her wine in defiance.

"Well babe, then you might as well be a robot!"

"Suits me then." Bella shrugged dismissively.

"That's ridiculous. You are not a robot! Look, do you like me?"

Bella's eyes widened at her friend's question, "Excuse me?"

Angela rolled her eyes and huffed in irritation, "I said, do you like me…as a friend obviously."

"Yes of course." Bella answered without hesitation. Without Angela, she would not have got through those first couple of months. She relied on her and still did.

"Then you are not a robot, and you are capable of emotion." Angela replied triumphantly as Bella stared at her dumbfounded. She hadn't thought of it in that way.

"I guess you're right."

Angela smiled evilly, her eyes twinkling "I'm always right!"

"I can honestly say you're the only person I feel some sort of emotion towards."

"Bullshit!" Angela said sharply, and it made Bella jump slightly in her chair. The wine sloshed around the glass reminding her of a swaying ship.

"This Edward guy…he's making you feel. Now you either keep swimming in your giant river of denial, or embrace these emotions."

"That's the point Angela, I don't know how and if I even want too." Bella cried, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"From the sound of things, you're doing just fine." Her best friend replied smirking and Bella felt her forehead crease.

"But why? Why is he the exception? For the majority of my life, I've cut people off, even you sometimes…and I don't know any different. I can't be any different. It's who I am. The way I am. How can one man possibly change all that? This isn't a fairy tale and he's not going to save me from myself. It's just a load of bullshit!"

The room suddenly fell quiet except for Bella's harsh breathing. She realised for the first time, she had let go some of the frustration and anger that she had kept bottled up inside. Her eyes had widened along with Angela's, at the knowledge that some emotion had risen to the surface and burst without her control. It was an eye-opener. How much emotion was she suppressing? And what would happen if one day it all exploded? Bella was shocked, and so was her friend by the looks of it as they sat there, both stunned into silence.

_Where had that come from?_

"Well…that was unexpected."

Bella nodded silently, and Angela laughed nervously. To calm her nerves Bella gulped down the last of her wine and quickly refilled it. She was embarrassed and slightly mortified that she had shouted at her friend. She didn't mean too, and it worried her how much damage these outbursts could do.

_What if happened when she was with Edward? She would never be able to look at him again. _

"I'm sorry Angela, I…I don't know what came over me." She said quietly, feeling the blush rise to her cheeks.

"It's okay honey." She said with a smile that let her know she was not mad, "bound to come out sooner or later."

Bella bite her lip as Angela regarded her friend silently. She knew how much Bella struggled; it was a constant mission to get through the day for her. And sometimes, even though Angela would not admit it, she did feel pressure to always be there and to live up to the pedestal that Bella had unknowingly put her on. She would never leave her though, not after everything she had been through. She might not know all the details about her relationship with her parents and James, but she knew it was bad. It was the reason Bella was the way she was. She would never pry though; she was waiting for Bella to tell her on her own terms. But sometimes she felt that this decision was not the right one and she questioned whether she should push Bella more.

"Does Edward know?"

"Know what?" Bella replied nervously,

"About James…your parents –"

"No!" she snapped, her tone making Angela flinch. "I'm not going to tell him."

Angela's eyes widened in shock and disbelief, "What…never?"

Bella shook her head.

"You can't do that Bella! If you're going to start something with this Edward…you need to be straight with him about everything…even your incapability to express emotion or feel it properly" Angela argued as Bella crossed her arms across her stomach defensively.

"I'm not going to start anything with him!"

"What, so your never going to see him again?"

Bella nodded. "Yup."

"It's over before it even began."

"Nothing was going to happen anyways."

"How do you know?"

"I just do ok?" Bella snapped and Angela narrowed her eyes in defiance.

Bella swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat, "I think he already has an idea that something is not right." She said quietly to her friend.

"What do you mean?"

"I think…well…I had a bit of a panic attack in front of him."

"You did?" Angela asked surprised. She had only been prone to witnessing Bella's panics at least once or twice and during both occasions she struggled to calm her friend.

Bella nodded silently unable to meet her friends gaze because of her embarrassment.

"What happened?"

"He came into the shop to see me, he wanted to take me for a drink on my lunch break and at first I was so nervous and apprehensive…but then for some unknown reason I said yes and –"

"Whoa!" Angela cried holding her hands up to pause her friend mid sentence, "You said yes!?"

"Yes." Bella replied confused, "And then to cut a long story short, he said he would come back to meet me, but I left before he could intending to get away –"

"You left!"

"Yes…and as I was saying, he saw what I was planning to do and caught up with me. And I just panicked."

"Oh my God, were you ok?" Her best friend asked nervously, the guilt eating away her because she was not there to help.

"No…Well I wasn't but Edward calmed me down."

Angela's eyes popped again out of her head. "Seriously? First time as well?"

"Uh huh."

"Honey, you've got a keeper there!" Angela said triumphantly grinning as she picked up her wine glass to sip.

"Oh no, no he's not a keeper. He's not going to be anything."

"Bella! He's the only person apart from me who has successfully calmed you down, and shit even I'm not that good at it!"

"Angela, you are!" Bella protested but Angela waved her hand to dismiss it.

"Regardless, he's got some special technique going on and you need to hold onto that. I'm not always going to be there Bella, and this is a perfect example that you need someone else in your life."

"Even if I did need him that way, he's never going to want me like that. We are wrong for each other; mostly I'm wrong for him. We are complete opposites."

"Opposites attract and besides, he's still lurking around isn't he?"

Bella sighed and looked away in denial.

"Trust me Bella, that man sounds like he is going to be sticking around whether you like it or not."

Angela got up, touched her friends hand affectionately and picked up the two empty glasses to wash leaving Bella alone with that final statement.

Bella did not know if Edward sticking around was a good thing or not. But she was sure she was going to find out.


	14. Something So Intimate

**A/N: This story is rated M for later chapters (in case people are just confused ) **

**It's a slow burn but someone's got to do it… **

Reflecting on her engagement with James was a task that rarely happened. But sometimes she found herself looking back as the women bragged about their giant diamond rings and elaborate celebrations. She listened and nodded in all the right places as they babbled on and on about their perfect fiancés who had proposed so romantically, how they squealed 'Yes!' when the question was popped like a cork. Just like the champagne bottles that were opened for the reception. She couldn't help but scoff inside when the women droned on about how happy they were and how life was now complete for them. She thought they were stupid. And yet, she knew she was being hypocritical because at one point, she was just like that. It made her feel sick. Sick to her stomach that she could have been with James forever with no way out. She often wondered how she found the courage to get out when she did.

They were so happy before. In love and besotted. At least she was, now she was not so sure about James at the time. Those cosy nights in watching TV had never made her happier. She could not help but feel adored when he cancelled his plans with others in favour of her own. For a while, it was just them two. Together all the time, cut off the outside world. Until his friends started moaning and whinging like the immature men they were. Her parents also made comments that James spent too much time with her. Always disapproving. She never understood why but he started going out more. Leaving her to sit, waiting for him to come home in the dark. He stopped answering his phone when she called. So she kept calling, until he would end up with dozens of missed calls. She was confused at the sudden change in their relationship. Why he had become so cold and distant? Was it something she had said? Her constant questioning and insecurities irritated James and the arguments began. She was always left feeling guilty and paranoid. She was always in the wrong and could never do anything right. It left her feeling depressed. Her fiancé had changed before her eyes and she had no idea why or how to stop it.

-xox-

"Jesus Christ Bella, you knew I was going to be out with the guys and that I would be back late. You don't need to keep calling me every five seconds!" he sighed exasperated with the same speech over and over again.

"I didn't know where you were! You never tell me anything anymore and it wasn't every five seconds."

James scoffed and looked at his phone, "Look, you've called me four times…it's ridiculous."

Bella was dumfounded and stunned into silence as she struggled to respond. Surely four times was not that excessive? Was she turning into one of those needy women?

"Honestly, you're making me look like a laughing stock. The guys think I'm under the thumb…well that opinion is about to change."

Bella's eyes widened, "What do you mean?" she asked hesitantly,

"I mean, don't fucking call me anymore when I go out okay? It's irritating and I'm sure you've got better things to do!" He snapped and his harsh tone made Bella flinch.

"Like what?"

"I don't know! For God's sake, clean up or something…this house is a mess and you're just sitting there calling me all the time."

"Why are you being like this James?" Bella cried as she grasped the corners of his jacket.

With a disgusted look on her face, he pushed her away and she stumbled.

That night was the first of many. He would come home drunk, his breath smelling of alcohol and his words slurred and harsh. He would make her cry. Never from physical wounds but through the way he spoke to her. For a while she did not understand what was going on. She simply took it. But the few friends she had at the time noticed the change in demeanour and how she acted around them. She became quiet and withdrawn. They made a big effort. Attempting to make her smile and laugh, inviting her to come out more which Bella at the time gratefully accepted the momentary escape. However, it didn't last long.

"Bella, what is that?" James snapped, glaring at her dress with disgust.

Bella looked down at her outfit in confusion. "I'm going out for drinks with the girls"

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" James snapped and grabbed her chin to force her face upwards. His eyes were dark and fierce, a sign that he was angry. Bella was used to him being angry.

"You are not going out looking like that, no way!"

"But James –"

James breathed in through his nostrils before he grabbed at the strap of her dress. He pulled hard and it snapped painfully against her skin. Bella gasped as the top of her dress ripped at the top.

"Put something else on you look like a slut!"

He threw the scrap of material he had in his hand across the floor and stormed off, grabbing a bottle of whisky and a glass on his way to the bedroom. Bella felt tears burn her eyes and she clasped a hand over her mouth to keep in the sobs.

-xox-

Bella shook her head to rid of the memories that were swirling round her head as she placed a book titled 'All About Marriage' written by some tough talking lady who was not shy about telling the truth back into its rightful place. Bella hadn't read it, but many of the women who came into the shop always commented on it. She could never understand why anyone would want to read a book solely based on that topic. A topic that she despised.

She thought about the last time she had attended a wedding. She had not known the bride that well and was quite surprised to receive that cream and golden lined invitation. She was apprehensive about attending, but the thought of declining was a last resort. She remembered the church, with the long aisles and pews filled both sides. The bride was blushingly beautiful, and Bella achingly uncomfortable. She had hated the whole ordeal. Not because there was anything wrong with the wedding, it was just the whole process in general. The vows were the worst. She wondered if the groom was lying through his teeth as he promised to love and cherish his bride. The wedding was just a big reminder of what could have happened. A married life with James. She thought of the wedding dress she had left behind. Growing dusty and grey without ever being worn. Maybe James had given it to his new bride. If he had one. She tried to picture her life as if she had never left. All she saw was bruises, fiery eyes and anger. It had been the right decision to leave. But sometimes, she wondered if it was her fault the way James had become.

Bella sighed and walked out of the aisle to finish up the last of the books. She checked the last of the pile and made her way to the Sci-Fi section. She heard the bell above the entrance door tinge, letting her know another customer had arrived.

"I'll be with you in a moment" she called out. She heard no reply from the customer and frowned. She was sure she heard the bell go. She started to make her way towards the desk when a man appeared at the entrance to the aisle.

Edward.

Bella felt her stomach flip, her insides twist as her eyes took him in. Messy hair and bright green eyes.

He smiles and it's everything and more.

"What are you doing here?"

She cringed inside at her harsh accusation but he did not even flinch. Her remarks and tone seemed to have no effect on him what so ever.

"To see you." he said grinning, and she felt the corners of her mouth twitch. She heard whispers of encouragement in her head, _smile at him_ and _don't be so cruel_, but she pushed them away.

"Why?"

"Don't tell me you've forgotten our deal already?" he teased and Bella hesitated.

"Look about that..." she took a deep breath before speaking, "I think we just leave it."

Edward frowned slightly, "What?"

"You don't know me," she said quietly after staring at his confused expression.

"I'd like to."

Edward took a tentative step forward.

"Why would you say that?" Bella crossed her arms over her chest, feeling protective of herself.

"Because I want to know you, inside and out"

Another cautious step brought him closer and yet she could not find the desire or courage to move.

"What if I don't want you too?"

His smile is beautiful and reassuring. She wonders if another woman gets to see those smiles. Are they all for her? It's a hopeful smile, one wishing that she'll let him in.

"Tough. I've already begun."

Bella's eyes widened and she felt the panic. The nerves and the need to run.

"You can't. I won't let you."

She couldn't breathe. She couldn't let him in. But he was already slowly moving towards her.

"Bella...it's ok."

Her fear was gripping and tight. She squeezed her eyes shut, blackness covering the vision of him. How could she refuse him when she saw that face? Those eyes and that smile.

She can feel him in front of her now. Goosebumps and hair raised on her arms. His breath on the top of her head.

"We'll keep it simple."

His fingers gently brushed her hand, silently promising and comforting. Her hand relaxes and his hand slips into hers. She had always wondered how it would feel. His large one engulfed her small, and yet she felt safe.

His head bent and he felt his lips at her ear, "You don't have to be afraid anymore."

Her eyes shot open as she felt a deep seated anger rise, "I'm not afraid." She said sharply. Her gaze meeting his. Their noses were touching and she felt a deep pull to touch him, to lean in and be wrapped up in warmth. Her body was fighting against herself. How could she let herself be with him? She was incapable of so much. Fear had an icy clench on her heart and love had left long ago. She had nothing to give.

"Then why won't you let me in?" he whispered and she looked away. How could she look at him and see everything.

"There is nothing to know or see...you don't understand."

His hand gripped hers tighter, "Help me to understand...let me understand Bella please."

"I'm empty" she said in her usual monotone voice. Detached.

Edward's harsh intake of breath let her know that he severely disagreed. "You…are…not empty." He said emphasizing each word sharply.

"You may be lost, but you're not hollow."

"That's not for you to decide." She whispered back shakily.

"Maybe not…but I can see Bella. Somewhere there's something deep down."

"And why is it your concern? I don't know you, we've barely just met. Who are you to make such judgements?" she snapped and as always he did not even flinch or blink an eye. He was immune.

"Because I care!"

"I'm not worth it." She whispered sadly as her nose brushed his.

Both their eyes were open as they looked at each other. Green to Brown.

He smiled slightly; the corners lifting as he carefully tucked a piece of hair behind her ear that had fallen.

"Oh Bella…now that is something I get to decide."

Edward leaned in closer and Bella felt her mind scream to move away whereas her body tilted towards him, needing and wanting the contact. All her instincts were shouting at her to let him be close. Their breath mingled together as his lips brushed hers softly. They tingled from the light contact and the sweetness of a kiss that she had been wanting. A kiss she had not experienced for years.

Seeing no hesitation, Edward went back for more, his lips pressing more firmly against her own. They felt soft and tasted of him. She quickly realised she could kiss him forever. For once in her life, all the control she had kept so hard to maintain faded away as she lost herself to the beautiful man in the place she loved the most.

His tongue slowly peeped out and she automatically inched her mouth open wider to let him in. She did not think about anything else. Her head was clouded with Edward and the feelings this kiss was erupting from her. Emotions that had been locked away were starting to stir, and the ice on her heart began to thaw slightly. His hand gently cupped the left side of her head as his other hand continued to hold hers tightly in his own. She finally felt safe and at peace. For this moment she did not have a care in the world. She did not fight it simply because she did not want too. She had had enough of fighting. Time to put down the armour for a while. This was the direct entrance to her soul. To the dark depths that needed some light. And he was opening it by initiating something so intimate.

_Angela was right, she was so right. And so was he. _

Eventually, the kiss slowed and Edward pulled away. Hesitation and uncertainty in his eyes at how she was going to react. But he must have been happy with what he saw, because he smiled so brilliantly.

And he laughed quietly. A real happy one against her mouth and it tickled. She could feel the corners of her own mouth twitching and for once, she felt she could truly smile if she really wanted too.

So she did. And it was glorious.

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**Yes i'm leaving you with a cliffhanger...mwahahaha ;) **


	15. Let Me In

**A/N: I love the few reviews I receive – even the guest ones. They are much appreciated. **

It was a strange feeling. A foreign one. To feel her cheeks and her mouth form a smile. It was almost like it was her first time again. Her face felt stiff, like it was getting used to working properly again. And yet she could not stop smiling. Flashing her teeth at the man who had put it there. Ironic at how it was a man that had made her smile. But it felt so good. To let herself do the natural thing instead of letting her corners twitch in irritation. It was too much effort trying to stop it forming. How could she ever stop something so natural ever again?

"I knew your smile would be just as beautiful." Edward said with a smile of his own. His hand cupping her cheek tenderly.

Bella felt her cheeks flush and she looked down shyly, still smiling.

"Hey, don't hide away. It's true."

She looked up at him and saw so much in his eyes. The way he looked at her, it sometimes made her want to run.

"I guess I'm just not used to hearing it." She said quietly.

"Well, I'm going to make sure that you do hear it."

"Edward…I –"

Edward quickly shook his head and placed a pointed finger over her red swollen lips. Bee stung from kissing.

"Don't tell me you regret what just happened because I certainly don't."

The clench around her heart felt a little lighter, looser and not so tight. It left her feeling more exposed than she ever had before. Edward had done that. He was trying to reach inside and pull something out. But he would always be patient. Bella had a feeling he would wait. No matter how long it took for her to let him in.

"No… it's just…this is really fast." She stammered.

Edward frowned, "I know…and I'm sorry about that. I don't want to push you but sometimes I can't help myself. Just don't overthink this for once."

He gently pressed his soft lips against hers but didn't develop it into anything more before pulling away again.

Bella sighed and opened her eyes that had been partially closed. "When you do that, you make the bad things go away." She whispered.

"What bad things?"

Bella shook her head. Her nose brushed against his slowly in a silent apology.

_I can't tell him. Not yet. Then I've completely lost all my control. _

"You don't have to say anything now. But it's not true what you said before."

Bella look puzzled as he stroked her face gently. "You are worth it…to me."

Their hands were still linked together, keeping them connected and Bella could not ignore the tingly feelings it shot up her arm. Electricity. It made her feel safe.

"But I meant what I said. Let's just keep this simple between us."

The other hand that was cupping her cheek slowly moved to tuck under her chin, forcing her to tilt her head up more. She didn't resist.

"Besides, you've got until the wedding to decide if you want to get rid of me or not."

He smiled cheekily at her before moulding his lips to her own again. This time he didn't pull away and it became so much more. It wasn't slow before. This was greedy and passionate, and Bella yielded. It felt so good to kiss again. She'd forgotten how much she had missed the act. It was like all her emotions were being set free and parts of her old self were coming back again. All she knew was that kissing Edward had become her new favourite thing to do. The taste of him was so addictive.

Edward once again slowed the kiss down, pecking her lips once before pulling always slightly.

"I just…don't understand." Bella said finally once she had got her breathing under control.

"Neither do I. But I know one thing. I do care about you. I feel very protective over you."

Bella closed her eyes at his words. They were sweet torture and she could not help but feel her stomach twist deliciously.

"Edward…"

He gripped her tightly, "No Bella. You need to let me in. If not me at least someone."

Their breath mingled together as both their lips brushed each other's. "I think…I want it to be you." She whispered.

His closeness made her desperate. Made her want to escape from the hold she had put over herself as a person. She wanted to be free. And to do all the normal things that she had held back on. Her heart wanted passion and someone to fill the space that had been left vacant for so long.

"I do as well." He said quietly. She felt warm and fuzzy inside. "Will you try for me?"

Bella nodded and they quickly kissed again. She couldn't get enough. Addicted to her drug.

"Bella! Where are you?"

A voice interrupted the couples bubble and they quickly pulled apart breathless. Bella quickly put her hands to her cheeks, feeling how hot she was. She knew she was blushing again.

"Bella!"

It was Marcus calling her, and Bella instantly panicked. She was supposed to be working and she was here making out with Edward in the aisle she hated the most. How ironic.

"You should go."

"Why?"

Bella quickly glanced behind Edward's shoulder to see the entrance to the aisle empty before meeting his confused expression.

"This is my workplace…I shouldn't be here with you…like this."

"It's okay. I'll leave, but can I see you later?"

"I don't know…I-"

Edward suddenly gripped the tops of her arms. "Bella please, don't fight me or this. You can't shut me out now."

"I'm not…just give me some time ok?" she pleaded. Bella felt so bad, but she needed time to process everything that had just happened. She had not kissed anyone since James, and even that was a rare occurrence. Especially after everything started to change. After trying to block out everything she was feeling, she was being hit with a tidal wave of all the suppressed emotions. And she did not know how to handle that.

"Look, I'll give you my number…" Edward quickly rummaged in his pockets and found a small pen and pulled out a scrap of paper.

"Do you always carry a pen with you?" Bella murmured, raising her eyebrows at the fast pace of it all.

Edward quickly scribbled his digits on the paper and handed to her. Even in his haste, his script was still neat for a man. "I knew it would come in handy."

He handed the number over and Bella quickly enclosed it in her hand, "Please use it." He whispered, touching her lip to stop herself from biting it again. She immediately released. His hand glided down to the top of her arm where he rubbed it affectionately.

"Bella! There you are!"

Marcus appeared down the aisle and started walking towards them. His gaze fell on Edward and his hand that was on Bella's arm.

"Is everything ok down here?"

Edward slowly let go of Bella's arm. He was meeting the man that Bella had talked about, the one who gave her the job that she loved doing. He had high respect for him and instantly straightened up.

Edward stuck his hand out, "I'm Edward Cullen, and you must be Marcus."

Marcus returned the offer and shook his hand firmly.

"Bella hadn't mentioned you." Marcus replied sternly. His protectiveness coming out. Both Edward and he looked at Bella, who looked completely bewildered.

"She didn't?" Edward said confused. "Well, I've heard about you. She told me how you offered her a job, which was really nice of you."

Marcus gave a small smile at Bella who quickly looked down in embarrassment. "Yeah and she's good at it aren't you kid? Never wants to leave."

Bella tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and bite her lip. She was totally unprepared for this situation.

"Edward's a friend." She said quickly, and Edward raised his eyebrows slightly at the label but said nothing.

Bella looked at him with pleading eyes.

_Please Edward. Not just yet. _

"How'd you guys meet then?" Marcus asked after an awkward pause.

"Around –"

"In the park-"

Both Edward and Bella looked at each other as they replied at the same time. Bella hated what she was doing, but she wasn't ready for all of this. Everything was too overwhelming.

"Right…" Marcus said slowly, confused to what had just transpired "Was you looking for a book Edward?"

"Oh no, that won't be necessary. I was just leaving." Edward replied quickly as Bella chewed on her lip feeling guilty. God, it had been ages since she had felt like this.

"Feel free to stop by at any time. Bella's always here!" Marcus replied cheerfully.

Edward nodded and turned his eyes onto Bella who was refusing to look him directly in the eye. It made his stomach turn. He never wanted her to hide her eyes from him. They were his favourite features apart from her mouth.

"I'll see you later Bella."

It ached not to touch her, but he could see that it would probably freak her out right now. He didn't really understand why. Maybe he could ask her next time?

Bella gave a small awkward wave as she watched him walk out of the aisle.

"That was interesting."

"No it wasn't." Bella replied quickly.

Marcus just looked at her. "Something is obviously going on between you two."

"There is nothing going on!" She quickly noted that she still had the piece of paper in her hand tightly scrunched u.

_That lie tastes so bittersweet on my tongue. _

Marcus smirked and patted her shoulder affectionately. "Sure there isn't."

He looked at her face and saw she was troubled. He often worried about Bella; he always felt that sometimes something wasn't right even though he was not the type to pry.

"If anything is bothering you, you know you can always tell me right?"

She was like the daughter he never had. He hadn't said as much but he thought she had an idea of just how much he cared.

Bella looked up at Marcus. _Always being the father I never truly had. _

"I know. But I'm fine."

"Hmm okay. Shout if you need me." Marcus said unconvinced and touched her shoulder again before also leaving Bella alone.

She took a much needed breathe, feeling the air rush into her lungs and out again. Her heart was pounding as she touched her swollen lips. She didn't feel the need to smile anymore. The moment had passed in her unexplained panic. She was unwilling to answer all the questions surrounding Edward and her. Ones she could not even answer herself, let alone Marcus. She did not know what they were. Friends?

_Friends don't kiss each other like that. So sweet and hungry. _

She shook her head slightly to get rid of the images that ran through her head. She needed to focus, gain some of the control she had lost. These feelings had to be locked away for a while. But now they had been tapped in to, it was hard to harness. Bella felt like crying, smiling, laughing and shouting all at once.

_I need space to scream. _

She quickly unclenched her hand and opened up the crumpled piece of paper. She mentally counted the digits and realised Edward hadn't fobbed her off with a fake number. But did she really believe he would do that? She wasn't going to use it. Not now at least. The realisation that he expected her to call or send a text hit her. She couldn't do this. She never had to be the first to make a move. James had done all that for her. Now the ball was in her court. And she did not know what she should do next. She was inexperienced in these situations. How long did she wait? Wasn't it typically three days? She could feel herself starting to breathe harshly.

_Not again. _

Without thinking she quickly rushed to where Marcus was at the desk. She hated for what she was about to do. She had never let him down but today was going to continue to be a first for everything.

"Marcus I'm sorry, I'm going to head home." She said breathlessly. Her heart hammered against her chest and she put a hand over it to stop it from hurting so much.

"Bella what's wrong?"

She could feel her panics rising again. She needed to get home. Her head needed to be cleared from all the confusion.

"I don't feel well." She said sharply and Marcus frowned at her tone.

"Do you need anything? I've got some tablets in the back somewhere-"

"No! No thank you. I'll just get home. I'll be back tomorrow." She said quickly and without giving Marcus a chance, she grabbed her coat and hurried out of the shop, wincing at the harsh sound of the door slamming.

The piece of paper that was stuffed in her pocket felt like it was burning. Burning right through the material and onto her skin. Etched in her mind forever.

_Call him. _Somewhere in her whispered. But as usual she ignored knew who she needed right this moment.

She hit Angela on speed dial. Within a few rings, her best friend picked up. "Hey honey, what's up?" she replied cheerfully and Bella gulped in a mouthful of air.

"I…I need to talk to you." Bella stammered and Angela's tone immediately became concerned for her friend.

"Bella what's wrong? Talk to me."

Bella started to walk home. It was cold and she hugged herself with one arm, the other clasped to her ear. "It's Edward."

"Did he turn up again? My, that man is not giving up on you is he!"

_He never will. _

"Angela! He…he…kissed me. We…I mean…we kissed." Bella stuttered and quickly increased her walking pace. She needed to get home, she needed her home.

Angela was quiet for a moment before speaking. She was obviously shocked but tried so hard not to show it. "He did?" and then eventually, "Are you ok?"

"I don't know! I don't know what to think…how to feel –"

"Bella! Calm down. Everything is going to be fine. Look I'll come round after work ok?"

Bella bite her lip as she rounded a corner and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw she was nearly home. It made her relax slightly.

"Yeah ok. I've gone home early anyways…I just needed…" Bella trailed off, unable to explain what she truly needed but as always her best friend understood.

"I know. When I get there we are going to have a serious talk ok? You can't leave this Bella."

_You can't run anymore. _Bella knew she couldn't. Too much had happened. She was too involved even though she hadn't intended to be. But the way Edward had kissed her. It couldn't be left, and a small part of her knew she couldn't leave him.

She hoped it was enough to make her try.

* * *

**Updates coming soon! Much love to you all :) **


	16. Try For Me

**I do not own Twilight as you all know. **

**Hello to all the new followers and people who put this story on their favourites. **

**This is for A – I love you more than cake. **

**Ugly Betty will always have a small place in my heart. This is for the girl with braces who fought long and hard to feel comfortable with herself. **

* * *

"Honey, this guy obviously likes you. I don't see what the problem is!" Angela cried impatiently after trying to convince Bella for the past fifteen minutes that there was no need to panic and that she should run with this.

"It's just confusing." Bella replied stubbornly, crossing her arms like a petulant child. She knew she was acting like one, but it didn't help when Angela was lecturing her.

"What's to be confused about? He kissed you, you kissed him. Sparks flew and what not –"

Bella coughed slightly and blushed, "Sparks did not fly! That's just an exaggeration."

_But it still felt good. _

"Ok whatever. But you liked it. You can't lie to me about that, it's written all over your face. It says it all."

"Yes I liked it. That does not mean that this needs to go anywhere!" Bella snapped as Angela ran her hands down her face and groaned.

"Edward clearly wants it to go somewhere."

Bella sighed. That was one thing she could agree on. He was more than willing. He'd pretty much already signed up for it.

"Well, if you don't want it you need to open your mouth and say it!"

_I do want it. I'm just scared. Petrified and frozen inside and out. Wrapped up heart wants to beat again. _

"I've said I would try…" Bella whispered and Angela's eyes widened in surprise and shock.

"You…you did?"

Bella nodded and quickly looked away in embarrassment. She did not regret saying it to Edward, but fear sliced through her heart like a knife. Bleeding terror on the floor and pooling at her feet. For once, she wished Edward was here. To suck up all the fright and to leave her open and wanting to everything he could offer. To feel free and bask in his affections and the words that made her feel so sweet. To feel those lips that chased away the darkness that still lay dormant inside.

"Bella…I'm proud of you." Angela said finally after a moment and Bella quickly looked at her friend in confusion. What was there to be proud of? She had willingly offered up her wrapped heart that could so easily be pierced again. And yet she would not haemorrhage no more. She was all dried out.

"You've finally let go a bit. You have taken a leap of faith and I think you needed too."

"Do you think he will hurt me?" Bella asked quietly and Angela touched her hand gently in comfort.

"From the sounds of it, I doubt it. But I'm no fortune teller. You've got to take a chance otherwise life is going to pass you by and you will wonder where it all went. Everyone has the potential to hurt you. It's just some people are worth taking that chance for."

"Then what is the point in being close to anyone?" Bella snapped and she dug her fingernails into her palms to feel something other than anger.

"It's life. And not everyone will. But being hurt comes with life and that is something neither you nor I can escape or avoid."

Bella was quiet for a moment, thinking it over before speaking. "I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to be…normal. Whatever that is."

_I want to live the life I've always wanted._

"And you can," Angela said, taking a seat next to her and laying a hand on her shoulder. It reminded Bella of Edward's comforting touch. "You just need to start again."

"How do I do that?"

"You try." Angela said softly and Bella bit her lip. "And the first thing you can do is use that number he's given you."

Bella unfolded the scrap piece of paper that had been scrunched, pulled and twisted in every shape possible that tears were starting to appear through the number. The evidence of her anxiety and nerves were apparent in the creases. Who knew black scribbled digits could affect her so much?

After a moment of silence Bella squeezed her eyes shut, unable to make the first move. "I can't."

"You can Bella, you just won't. There's a big difference."

She shook her head to rid of the thoughts and worries swirling round her head like mist and grey fog. "Not tonight. Too much has happened in such a short space of time."

Bella opened her eyes again to meet Angela's disapproving gaze that soon softened, "I need baby steps."

Angela gently laid her hand on top of Bella's that was crumping the paper in her hand again. She soothed her clenched fist with gentle fingers and Bella's hand relaxed slightly.

"Ok baby steps it is then." Angela said eventually and gave Bella a reassuring smile.

"What's a baby step then?" Bella asked confused as Angela carefully unclenched Bella's by pulling her fingers away from her palm one by one to reveal the number that was now the size of a tiny ball. She plucked it from her hand and quickly opened it, grabbed Bella's mobile phone off the table and opened a blank message.

"You text him." Angela said brightly, and pushed the phone towards Bella who took it gingerly in her hand.

"What shall I say?"

"How about hi?" Her friend suggested and Bella tapped it into the blank message. She stared at the one small word on the screen contemplating.

"Doesn't it look a bit….impersonal?"

"What do you mean?"

"It looks a little cold…maybe I should add one of those smiley faces?" Bella asked unsure of what to do. She had never experienced the act of texting a man first, let alone boys at school. She had pretty much skipped the whole process when she met James since he had always texted her first. Now, she was not really sure what the dos and don'ts were.

"No don't do that. I read in a magazine it makes you appear unattractive and unappealing to the opposite sex. Apparently it puts them off, as well as bad grammar and abbreviations."

Bella raised her eyebrows at her friend, "Seriously? One emotion can do all that damage?"

"Honestly Bella, don't take my word for it. Put one if you want, I don't think Edward will really care to be honest."

Bella added a smiley, deleted it, and then after half a second typed it again. "I think this is much too complex for me. I can't even make a decision on whether I should put a stupid emotion or not, let alone dive into whatever this is between us."

"Calm down. Just leave it at hi, it's nice and simple."

With a deep breath in attempt to calm her nerves, Bella added the number that she had been given and with a hovering thumb pressed the send button. A secret 'start' button to life. She felt a small part of relief that she had done something she would had never have dreamed of doing.

Her mobile suddenly vibrated in her hand startling her and Angela squealed in delight.

"Honey! He has text you back already."

_She's so excited and I'm terrified. _

"Aren't you going to look?"

"What if it's bad?" Bella said in a quiet voice that reminded herself of her lost childhood. The scared and lonely girl who could never speak out loud.

"Don't be silly, it's not going to be bad. Just open the message and you'll see that there is nothing to worry about. You're just a woman texting a man. Don't overthink it."

Bella wished she had Angela's courage. Her brave friend, the one always throwing herself head first into whatever she did. Giving 100% at all times.

"Yes but said woman has issues." Bella replied in a tight voice, venting and lashing out with her bite. The venom on her tongue.

"Woman's friend does not care about said issues. Just read it!"

"I'm doing it, I'm doing it…" Bella opened the text message and instantly felt the relief.

_Hey :) is this who I think it is? – E_

"Looks like using emotions don't bother him…"

Angela laughed sarcastically, "Ha ha! You need to reply."

_Yes it's Bella – B_

"Could you not be a bit more imaginative?" Angela mused,

"Hey, don't knock my texting skills!" Bella said, angling her body so her friend could not see what she was doing.

"Right now, you have none!"

Bella groaned in annoyance but Angela just grinned teasingly.

_Well this is a surprise :) - E_

Angela peered over Bella's shoulder as soon as the phone had vibrated, "He sure loves to put a smiley face…"

"Can you stop mentioning the emotions please?"

"No, it's fun winding you up." She replied cheerfully and sauntered into the small kitchen out of sight.

_What do you mean? - B_

Bella's fingers tapped furiously on the keypad, and she was amazed at how she hadn't dropped the phone by now. Her hand was gripping it tightly though. When it vibrated she felt it all through her bones, the sensation tingling.

_Never thought you would text me. Was thinking I would have to come stalk you at work. – E_

_You already do that enough. – B_

_:O Are you saying you don't want me to come anymore? – E_

Bella tensed. Oh god. She did not mean for it to sound so harsh. The truth was she secretly liked him turning up. It was spontaneous and showed Edward's lack of fear in life.

_No, please don't stop – B_

She worried that she sounded desperate. Too clingy. She had read that being clingy was a bad thing. The men who ditched their women because they felt 'suffocated'. Is that what she had done to James?

_I was only messing. You couldn't stop me if you tried – E_

Her cold heart fluttered like a butterfly testing its broken wings. Weary and yet hopeful.

_I left work early today. – B_

She wasn't sure why she texted him that. It just happened.

_Why? Are you ok? – E_

_Yeah, I just needed my space. – B_

_I understand. – E_

_You make me feel and think so much. And I don't know what to do with it all. – B_

She felt brave by text. He couldn't see her. Her face, her eyes. He could not feel her beating heart and her harsh breath. All he had was her truthful words, and through those words she felt safe.

_Don't hide them. Show me all of them. – E _

_I don't know if I can. – B_

_Try for me. You said you would. – E_

_I know I did. – B_

_I'll come see you soon. – E_

_I'm scared. – B_

_Me too. – E_

Bella frowned. Edward scared? He was the most fearless person she had ever met. Did she scare him?

"Bella, stop frowning it's giving you wrinkles already and my cream is not that good." Angela said sternly reappearing from the kitchen holding two steaming mugs. Bella took one gratefully and sipped it gently. The hotness burning her tongue and warming her cold insides.

"I'm not sure I can do this." Bella said in a small voice.

Angela looked at her with sad eyes and resumed her position next to her.

"Honey, you got to stop. Somehow you have it in your head that this is your story. The lonely girl without a heart. But that's not all there is. You're beautiful, smart and so many other things. You are who you are. The sooner you're okay with that. The sooner you're going to see what I see. And you're going to be happy. I promise."

"Are you sure?" Bella asked doubtfully, looking at her phone. Edward's last message was still open.

"I'm positive. You need to do this before you look back and regret it."

"And if it goes wrong…" Bella trailed off unable to think about the worst possible situation.

"I'll be right here with you."

_Come by sometime this week? – B_

_I won't be able to stay away – E _

Her mood lifted and she felt her mouth twitch again. He made her want to smile all the time. She wanted to smile. It felt so good. So light and free.

"Does this mean he's your boyfriend?"

"No he's not my boyfriend…"

"Yet." Angela pointed out.

"Ok since I'm trying to be all positive then I'll just let that slide."

Her friend squealed and hugged her tightly like a proud mum. "You have a man!"

Bella nodded slowly, letting the fact sink in.

"You do realise you're going to have to dress up a bit more when you go on dates."

Bella looked down at herself then back up at her friend.

"Dates?"

"He's not going to want to hang out in the shop all day. Well, at least I hope not. He might take you like out out. Not just out."

"Right…"

Angela looked at Bella and saw her confusion and panic. She didn't have a clue.

"Oh boy."


	17. Melting

**A/N: I have over 100 followers! Just want to take this opportunity to say a massive thank you to all the people who read, put this as their favourite or send me a message. Without you, this story would not be going anywhere. **

**I'm sorry updates are not as frequent, but my assignments are now being handed out and they are not easy or straightforward! Therefore, chapters from now on might be slightly shorter so the waiting between updates should not be so long. **

"Are you sure you're ok Bella?" Marcus asked concerned, his eyes suspicious and worried. He studied her face, as if he was looking for the answer. He obviously did not find it in her blank mask.

"I'm fine. Stop worrying." Bella replied quietly, feeling the guilt eating away at her. She left so abruptly and spoke so harshly to a man that did not deserve her sharpness. He had done nothing but be there and support her.

"I'm sorry about the way I left yesterday. Things just got a bit…" She trailed off unable to think of a word to explain how she felt. Her mind was all jumbled and confused. Mixed up with panics and the thoughts of Edward.

_Edward, Edward, Edward. _

Marcus nodded. A silent acceptance of her apology. She could tell he was still slightly hurt. Still stung from her bite.

"As long as it does not become a regular occurrence."

Bella bite her lip. It was clear she had upset Marcus yesterday for skipping out on him. She did not say anything in response. Her guilt making her feel sick. She quickly looked away from Marcus's gaze.

"Anyways, can you mind the desk for a bit?"

She nodded and took Marcus's seat whilst he disappeared down an aisle.

Bella loaded up the computer to have a quick look at how much was being reserved from the shop. She grimaced at the few requests that had been placed. She had tried not to think about the financial worries that Marcus had mentioned. But she could not help but be concerned. Without this place she had nothing. She knew that Marcus had eventually caved in and had made the decision to get some copies of Fifty Shades of Grey. She hoped their popularity would bring in a profit.

To stop her mind wringing with more worries she quickly looked away from the computer, unable to think about it anymore. She was tired and weary. She had exchanged texts with Edward for the majority of the night. With each vibration earning her a smirk from Angela. And with each smirk came her blush. She felt like a teenager again. Experiencing the first steps a young girl does when she is texting a boy. Fumbling over words, overthinking her messages and his. Reading too much into his reply. She knew she could become tongue-tied around Edward, but she never knew she could be finger-tied as well. Bella found the whole thing exhausting emotionally. She was always second-guessing herself. Paranoid over what she typed. But she didn't stop. Waiting for his reply was too addictive. Soaking up his boyish confidence was infectious. She hoped he found her just as fascinating.

-xox-

"Hey, come out with me." He teased that charming smile and those twinkling eyes.

"Just five more minutes." Bella said quietly, peaking at him underneath her eyelashes.

Edward was leaning over the desk so close that she could smell him. He had come to see her as promised just before her break. Her stomach clenched, but in a good way at the sight of him. Nerves and anticipation swirling together.

"Let's just go now. It won't make a difference…"

Bella felt the urge to roll her eyes. He was so impatient and yet she found that quality endearing.

"You look pretty today." He said, his hand supporting his face as he gazed at her. Truthfully she had made more of an effort this morning after what Angela said about him taking her out. She hadn't done much as per usual. Just a touch of concealer and a sweep of mascara over her lashes to frame her dark eyes. It wasn't much but she definitely thought it was an improvement.

"Then again, you're pretty every day."

Bella blushed at the compliment. Edward had been doing that a lot this recent week. Saying nice things. He was not lying when he said he would make sure she heard these things often. She liked it. It made her feel warm.

"Ssh you!" She replied embarrassed and he smiled at her blush.

"Oh look, five minutes are up!"

"You lie."

"Yes I do, but that's not the point. Let's go!" Edward replied smugly, grabbing her hand gently and pulling her round the desk.

"Fine, but I need to actually come back at some point…"

"Hmm, would Marcus mind if you didn't come back today at all?"

Bella gave him a look and he pouted in response. She loved that pout. It made him look so young and it never failed to make smile

"That would be a yes."

Edward wrapped his scarf around Bella. He was constantly reminding her to get one, but secretly she liked wearing his. It smelled of him. She wanted to wrap herself up in him.

He gently pulled the end of the scarf so she clumsily stumbled towards him. He smiled and gently kissed her forehead. Her eyes closed at the touch of his lips.

"Tell me if you get cold ok?" He said tenderly, a single finger stroking the apple of her cheek.

Bella opened her eyes and nodded. The green of his eyes even brighter than usual. Always looking after her, watching her with careful concern.

He took her small hand in his large one and led first outside the shop. The bell signalling their exit into the cold. It took their breath away, and harshly burned their lungs. It was a crisp winter. Bitter and unforgiving. Out of habit, Bella squeezed Edward's hand tighter. His thumb rubbed smoothly over the back of her hand to soothe her.

They walked in comfortable silence and joined hands with no idea of their destination. By some strange coincidence they ended up in the park where they first met. Where Edward first tipped her life upside down and spun it. Bella sat down on the bench that she considered her own and Edward silently regarded her with open eyes.

_Will you let me sit? Let me share your space and your world. _

When he sat, Bella didn't feel like she did the first time. She was not being invaded or trapped. She was comfortable with his presence. Their hands were no longer linked, but the deep pull inside was still tugging.

"Remember when I sat here?"

How could she? Her panics when he had appeared. The way she considered him attractive. The green eyes that caught hers. The voice that could sing a lullaby and lull her into dreams.

"You surprised me."

He was looking at her while she stared ahead. She could feel the burn of his gaze.

"Why did you do it?" She said quietly after a while. Still not meeting his eyes.

"Honestly? I can't say for sure. Just felt like I had too. You looked so….so…"

"What…what did I look like?"

She chewed her lip. Did she really want to know the answer? How others saw her, how he saw her.

"You looked so shut off from the world. You were there physically…but not really. Even your eyes. They were open but closed."

Bella gave a harsh laugh. "That's what I am Edward. Newsflash!"

"God, why do you always say things like that?" he said exasperated, tugging on his hair in frustration.

"It's the truth, it's who I am -"

"The hell it is." he interrupted with fierceness. "Maybe before, but not anymore. Otherwise you would never have let me kiss you!"

Bella looked away. He was right. But she couldn't admit it. She was changing and it was all too fast. Or too slow. The path was unknown and she hated the lack of control. Edward challenged her and she didn't know what to do with it.

He stared at her for a while before he eventually spoke, "Do you regret it?" he murmured.

Her eyes flicked to his. "No…but it doesn't mean anything."

_Such a dirty liar. It means everything and more. _

She was trying to hurt him, push him away.

"If you have no feelings for me, you can walk away right now."

He prayed she didn't.

"I can't."

"Why is that?"

"Because…I…" Bella breathed deeply to calm herself, "I can't."

A sense of relief washed over Edward. Knowing he wasn't the only one who felt some sort of link connecting them together.

"But I'm afraid, and I still don't get what this is between us. What we are."

"We are more afraid of things we don't understand."

Bella looked down as he shuffled closer to her on the bench. She could smell him, and goose bumps rose on her arms.

"We don't have to put a label on this. We can just…be."

They locked eyes. His open and almost pleading. Hers more guarded, soft and unsure.

"All I know is that whatever this is…I want to see where this leads. With you."

His hand rested gently on top of hers and she didn't pull away. The urge wasn't there anymore and instead her skin tingled.

"Just please don't lie to me and say this mean's nothing. That you feel nothing."

She said nothing.

"Unless you really do feel nothing and I'm just pushing you into this…god if I am I'm so sorry –"

"No! You're not." Bella said quickly. She didn't want him to feel bad. He hadn't done anything except bring some sort of freedom and relief. She wanted more of it, more of him. Without thinking, she turned her palm up towards his and linked their fingers together. Edward quickly looked down and their hands and the corners of his mouth lifted.

"I just…want you to be happy. To smile more." Edward said eventually. Her heart ached.

"I want to keep those bad things away all the time….whatever they may be."

"Sometimes…I feel like I'm going to be swallowed up whole." She murmured. "That I can't keep my head above it all."

"You need too. At least for me." He answered quietly.

They were sitting closer together now. Their arms as well as their hands touching.

"Just know that I'm here…and that I'm not going anywhere. Is that enough for now?"

"Is me not running enough for you?" She asked softly, and he nodded.

His lips touched hers softly. Gently and slowly. His nerves still apparent at how she will react. His worries about moving too fast. But she didn't pull away, and with each touch he felt more confident in the knowledge that he could kiss her without a doubt.

"I can wait." He says after he gently pulls away. He's desperate for more of her taste though.

The wind whips around them and Bella shivers. The cold biting into her skin and freezing her veins. Extra ice on the already iced heart. Even when Edward wraps his arm around her; pulling her closer to him, she still feel's cold.

She thinks of the couple she saw embracing a couple of weeks ago. She wondered if they looked like that. Sitting cuddled up together on the bench. Did Edward look at her like that man did? What did she look at him like?

"You're freezing. Come on, we'll get some coffee."

Edward stands and gently pulls her up by the hand. His arm resumes his position around her shoulder, and she automatically tucks her head closer.

They walked to the coffee shop where Edward tried to pay for her drink. Bella remembered how angry she had been. How she was so fixed on the idea of never letting a man do anything for her. Even paying for a drink. Edward was right. She wasn't same as before. There wasn't a massive change but it was significant enough.

"How do you like it?" He asked as they got near the front.

"Milk, one sugar."

Edward nodded and ordered the same. "We're so adventurous."

"I'm not keen on all these fancy drinks they make up."

"Would it be cheesy of me to say that you're already sweet enough?" He said smiling.

It was an awful joke. But Bella felt a small smile grace her lips.

They sat in the quiet corner, away from prying eyes and gossip from teenage mouths. She felt warmer inside; shielded from the cold and feeling hot under Edward's gaze. His observing gaze making her blush. It wasn't sexual. Just looking. Trying to peel back all her layers and reveal what was underneath.

"I'll break your heart." She said softly. Words and truth slipping and tripping of the tongue. She was incapable of feeling any type of love. Love is for fools. Love just rips you to pieces and spits on the remains. Her love for James was all fake. His love was slapping her round the face.

Edward frowns and regards her closely. "Why do you say that?"

_What happened to you? What made you so cynical? _

"The truth. Thought I should warn you before this goes any further."

"We just talked about this. Please stop." He said pleadingly. She felt horrible. So mean. Her insides that were melting cried for her to stop bleeding venom. To stop digging at him. Trying to make him run so she wouldn't have too.

Bella looked away. Unable to see whatever was in his eyes. If it was hurt she wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Whatever you say…it's not going to work. You can say all the horrible things you want. I'm not going anywhere. "

Bella closed her eyes in defeat, "I don't mean too." She whispered. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"Apology accepted."

_Guilt is such a horrible feeling. It's eating at me like he is. _

Bella stared at her coffee cup. She was still unable to look at him directly.

"Would you let me take you out sometime?" he said with a sheepish smile.

"We are out…" Bella said confused and he smiled at her.

"I mean…like a proper date. Take you for a meal."

Bella bit her lip. This is what Angela meant. "Yeah…that would be nice."

"Great!" Edward beamed and sipped his steaming coffee. "How about tomorrow night?"

"That's fine."

He touched her hand gently and she shivered. But not from the cold this time. They continued to drink their coffee, sneaking quick glances at each other when they thought the one was not looking. By the end, her cheeks were flushed and he was grinning.

Maybe everything was going to be okay after all…


	18. Feeling Nervous

**A/N: ****Meyer owns Twilight, as you all know. But we all wish we did…**

**I'm so sorry about the massive delays, I've had loads of assignments and they have slowly piled up. Therefore my writing took a bit of a back seat. **

**But anyhow, here's the next chapter…**

**Btw….HAPPY NEW YEAR! **

Bella didn't think she had ever been so nervous. In fact, she could not remember the last time she was. Not counting the flittering memory of her waiting for James to come home, wondering what would happen when he walked through the door. She quickly pushed it away. Refusing it to make her panic. She had got better at that lately, calming herself down. Taking deep breaths and slowing her heart rate to a nice steady pace. She never imagined herself as someone who would be so tranquil. Usually she was always on the ball, her mind constantly working unable to shut off. Focusing solely on her job and the way she used to carry herself. Head held high and cold eyes. She'd be lying if she said she had not noticed the subtle softness that was beginning to show through. She wasn't so hard. Not as intimidating. It was nice for a change. To let herself relax and her hands unclench from the control.

Her date with Edward was tonight. It would be an interesting experience. She had already planned for the date everything she had to do and was going to. She couldn't help it. It was a habit that she couldn't turn off. The to do list she had wrote was stuck up on her fridge so every time she walked past she saw it. She had even written the times next to it when each task should be started. Being organised was something she would probably never left go. The last date she ever went on was with James. When he was courting her and she thought that for once she had got lucky in life.

James was something that still niggled at Bella. Now that she had agreed to try at this with Edward she wondered how she would approach the subject when and if it rose. He was bound to ask about her parents at some point. The lack of photographs that contained no family, just scenery. She was not sure how to answer him. How can you explain to the man you like that your parents treated you like shit? She knew it couldn't be avoided and eventually she would have to open up more. Maybe it would be good for her, she thought. It also didn't help that it looked like Edward had a great rapport with his family. Something she never had. The topic was guaranteed to come up at some point. That was the whole part of the process wasn't it? You go on a couple of dates, then it's meet the parents. Bella hoped Edward never met hers. She was not entirely sure she would be comfortable with meeting Edward's family. Then again, there was the whole issue with the wedding invite.

Bella glanced at her list and saw she was still on schedule. Angela had gone shopping with her in the day to help her choose a suitable outfit. She suggested something a bit more formal since Edward was taking her out and they were not just going to coffee shops and walking down streets. It was nice to spend time with Angela though, just the two of them. It took her mind off her worries about the shop and her nerves about the upcoming evening. She had no idea where Edward was taking her, but she had given him her address which was a big step for her. He could now find her whenever he wanted. That proved more than anything the effect he was having upon her. Having him in her home would be another step. Only Angela had been inside. For him to walk into her private space spoke volumes that she did not want to admit to herself just yet.

-xox-

She was right on schedule. A couple of minutes in front of her detailed plan. Just the way she liked it. Her dress ended just below her knees and was a dark blue. The neckline was not too low but enough to suggest what lay beneath and it clung to her curves, accentuating every dip in her body. She made an effort with her makeup and styled her hair more. For once, she felt like she could actually pass off as being pretty. Her nerves had calmed somewhat throughout the day, but now that the time was nearing she felt them flutter up again. She felt like a young girl again. The one who believed in first love and crushes on boys. God, she was so naïve back then. She was determined not to make the same mistake. Once was enough. Twice would be taking it too far. But Edward was different. She could not really explain why. She just did. It was in the way he looked at her. The things he said and the way he carried himself in her presence. Something was bubbling beneath the surface. She could feel it. It tingled underneath her skin, waiting for something to happen.

The door buzzed loudly shaking her from her thoughts and with a deep breath she picked up the phone.

"Hello."

"Hey, it's me." Edward replied. Without answering she let him up and replaced the phone. She could hear his footsteps on the stairs as he approached closer.

Shortly after he tapped softly on the door, Bella looked quickly over her apartment. Satisfied she smoothed down her dress and opened the door hesitantly. He was standing there nervously, one hand rubbing the back of his neck. He looked smart. She could tell he had made the effort as well. It made her feel warm inside and she felt the corners of her mouth turn up slightly. She felt even warmer when his eyes cast over her outfit.

"You look lovely." He said with a smile and she looked away bashfully before awkwardly stepping aside to let him in.

"I got you these…I wasn't sure what you liked." He handed her a bouquet of mixed flowers and again she blushed.

"You didn't have too. I'll just go find a vase…" she trailed off and they stood there for a moment smiling at each other.

"Make yourself at home. I won't be long."

Edward sat down on the only sofa she had whilst she disappeared into the kitchen to put the flowers in some water. They weren't extravagant, but to her they might as well have been. She admired them for a moment before returning.

He was looking around her apartment curiously, his eyes casting over the pictures and her furniture. The smart décor and neatness of the place screamed control. He said nothing though. She stiffened slightly at the thought of him asking about family.

"Shall we go?" she asked. He nodded and stood up. He looked too handsome to be standing in her apartment. He seemed to brighten up the place and make it look even smaller. She was putting her faith into something unknown. There was a still a glimmer of hope. A fraction of fear deep seated. She hoped Edward didn't give a reason for her faith to be shattered.

Like a true gentleman he helped her put her coat on and opened the door to let her go first. Unwillingly the thought of James popped into her head again. Their mannerisms were alike. The chivalry. The way he treated her with respect. It reminded her so much of when James courted her. The effort he had always put in. But that had all been a show. She could not help but wonder if Edward was doing the same. These thoughts plagued her and she could not shake them off no matter how hard she tried.

They walked in silence down the stairs and outside the building where a shiny car was parked out front. A sliver Volvo. Bella's eyes widened at it.

"Is this yours?" she asked in awe.

Edward uncomfortably shifted from one foot to the other. "Yeah…I guess."

Bella raised her eyebrow at him, "You guess?"

"Ok yes it's mine." He replied reluctantly. He didn't look thrilled at the admittance.

"Wow." She replied flatly. Edward obviously had money.

"You don't mind do you?" He asked nervously.

Bella shook her head slowly, "No. I mean…I guess I'm just not used to travelling in style. I'm more of a public transport girl."

Edward glanced at his car then back to her again. "Do you…do you want to –"

"No, no. This is fine."

Edward nodded and proceeded to open the car door for her. She bite her lip nervously and as gracefully as she could, sat on the plush passenger seat. Edward walked round the car and swiftly got into the driver's seat.

"Put your seat belt on," he instructed softly, and I connected the belt loudly. The tires then squealed as he pulled from the space onto the road, accelerating much too quickly for her liking. He raced down the road, barely under the speed limit but still somehow avoiding being caught.

"I hope you don't find it terribly rude of me to say, that you drive like a maniac." She said flatly.

Edward chuckled and swerved the car round a corner with the ease of a pro. Bella gripped the seat tightly as she titled to the side.

"Do you want me to slow down?" He quickly glanced at her panicked face.

"Please."

Without hesitating he slowed down to appease her. She immediately relaxed her grip on the seat and promptly clasped them in her lap.

"You nervous?" he asked after a moment of silence, turning another corner more softly this time.

"A little." She admitted as she stared out the window as the car flew past people braving the cold.

"Don't be. It's only me." He changed gears and went slightly faster than before, but it was tolerable.

"Exactly." She said looking at his profile. He continued to keep his eyes on the road but he smirked in reply.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Just a small restaurant. One of my favourites, it's not far."

He carried on driving without saying much else. Bella sat in silence, looking out the window as the world rushed by. He turned onto another street and began to slow down. He turned smoothly into a space illuminated under a street light and parked comfortably. He had parked so that her door opened onto the pavement and his onto the road. She looked out the window to see a restaurant, the name Bella Italia lit up. She had heard about this place, known for its Italian cuisine. Before she had the chance to get out the car, Edward had already switched off the engine and was opening the door before she knew it. Pleasantly surprised she quickly grabbed her purse and stepped out into the cold. She huddled her coat tightly round her as Edward locked the car with a flick of his keys. He guided her gently to the restaurant, one hand resting lightly on her back. She wondered if his fingers would leave a heated imprint on her skin. Before she reached the door he quickly opened it first and let her in first.

It was much warmer inside and the place was brightly lit. Candles had been placed on tables casting a glow over other seated guests. It was not busy; there were a few seats near the back which Edward requested for to the hostess.

"Is this ok?" Edward asked once they had been seated.

"It's perfect." She replied quietly and promptly picked up a menu to still her shaking hands.

"I just love this place and well, the name is an added touch." He said with an attractive smile.

"So, do you come here often then?"

"Didn't know you were one for trying to chat me up Bella." He teased and Bella quickly looked away in embarrassment.

"I'm only joking Bella," he said concerned he had upset her.

"I know. I did walk into that one didn't I?" She smiled weakly and he nodded towards her menu.

"Know what you want?" He asked, picking up his own menu careful to avoid the candle.

Bella quickly scanned over the menu. "I think so."

A waitress quickly appeared at their table, a small pad and pen in her hand ready.

"What can I get you two to drink?"

She was blonde, tall and attractive but Edward hardly looked at her. She immediately felt insecure, automatically comparing herself. I bet she found it easy to smile.

"Bella?" Edward asked tentatively, stirring her from her thoughts.

"A glass of red would be fine thank you." She said quietly, fingering the napkin placed on the table nervously.

"Just bring the bottle please."

The waitress smiled at Edward but he was too busy looking at Bella. "Great, I'll bring it over!"

Without thinking, Edward reached across the table and placed his hand on top of Bella's that was fiddling with her napkin still.

"Hey, are you ok? We can go if you want…"

"No I'm fine, just be patient with me. It's…..been a long time." She managed eventually. Her hand felt warm underneath his and strangely she felt comforted. His thumb rubbed over her hand soothingly.

"Me too." He said quietly. Bella looked up and met his eyes. Something bubbled inside her, making her stomach clench uncomfortably. The thought of Edward with someone else pained her. She was jealous of a woman she did not know. She could not help but wonder what had happened.

The waitress then chose to ruin the moment causing Edward to let go of her hand abruptly and move back into his seat.

"Here you go," she said cheerfully placing two glasses on each side and a bottle of red. "Are you ready to order?"

"Bella?" he asked.

"I'll have the Pesto Genovese." The waitress quickly noted it down and turned to Edward.

"The Pollo Pizzaiola, thank you."

The waitress quickly disappeared again and Edward carefully opened the bottle of wine and poured her a generous amount.

"To our first date." Edward held up his glass and they toasted. The wine tasted delicious and she enjoyed the sweet burn on her tongue.

"Nice?"

Bella nodded and continued to sip her wine. It relaxed her and she found herself calming the nerves.

"You still nervous?" he said sheepishly with a smile. She felt herself flush as she shook her head.

"I feel more…comfortable with you than I did before." She admitted and Edward eyes lit up with hopefulness.

"That's good. I don't want you to ever feel uncomfortable around me…ever." He said firmly and his eyes bore into hers.

"I'm getting better, I promise."

The waitress appeared with our food and set the dishes in front of us. It smelled delicious and she suddenly realised how hungry she had become. She had not been able to eat much throughout the day due to nerves. They began eating their food in silence, occasionally glancing at each other in between bites.

"The wedding is not that far away now by the way." He said in passing and Bella almost choked on her pasta. She coughed and quickly gulped some of her wine.

"Are you ok?" He asked concerned and moved to get up out of his seat.

Bella quickly held her hand up to stop him, "No, I'm fine honestly."

"Sorry. I should have remembered that is a touchy subject." He apologised and looked as if he was feeling guilty.

"How far away is it?"

"About a month or so. Alice is really excited I don't think she can wait any longer." He spoke fondly of her and Bella could not help but smile.

"I can imagine."

Edward continued to look at her as he eat. How is it possible for a man to make the art of eating so seductive?

"You still think it is inappropriate for you to go with me?" He questioned her and Bella chewed thoughtfully for a moment before answering.

"Not as much as when you first asked me."

"Will you go with me then?" He pressed, leaning forward in his seat.

"Don't you think it might be slightly rude to turn up to a wedding without me ever meeting your family first?"

Edward frowned briefly, "Yeah probably…"

Bella started to panic. She had accidently mentioned family, meaning the topic was bound to land on her. She started to chew her lip and her fingers clenched under the table. Charlie and Renee was the last thing she wanted to discuss on her first date. It was not exactly a great start.

"Why don't you meet them then? Then you won't feel so impolite…" he suggested.

"Um…yeah I guess" she replied distractedly, fiddling with her pasta.

"You don't seem so sure about that…"

"No, I'll meet them." Bella said determined. She wasn't going to let her past hold her back anymore. She needed to push aside her fears. Somehow, she had to get over her aversion to weddings. It wasn't going to be easy.

"I just don't usually like weddings…"

Edward raised an eyebrow, "You don't?"

"No. Avoided them for a few years now."

"Why's that?" He asked, obviously curious and confused. She didn't blame him.

"Let's just say I had a bad experience and I see weddings in a completely different light." Bella said stiffly. She had already divulged more than she wanted too, but Edward had this way of making her talk and say things. She could confide in him without fear of judgement. He just seemed to understand.

"Oh right." He said frowning, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Bella looked down at her food as if it was the most interesting thing in the room. She twirled some pasta on her fork in a bid to distract her hands. "No, not really."

"Thank you anyway."

"What for?" Bella asked confused, eating a piece of pasta.

"Being honest. Letting me know something else about you. Your life." He shrugged.

"I know I'm not exactly the most forthcoming person…"

"And that's ok. Whenever I get a piece of you, it's more than I could ask for. I kind of like it in a way, figuring you out. You're….interesting."

Bella gave a small smile, "Not a word I've been associated with before but I'll take it."

His eyes were warm as he finished off his pasta. He rubbed his stomach tenderly and drowned the rest of his glass.

"You had a good night then?"

Bella finished the rest of her pasta and sipped her wine, feeling comfort in the wine. "Yes I have thank you, yourself?"

"Of course. And it's not over yet." He said, his eyes twinkling.

"It's not?" Bella asked confused.

"Not by a long shot."


	19. Fire

_**He made her mouth become unstitched and the words that had been sewn to the back of her throat became loose and flowed out like string.**_

"You going to eat any more of that?" He asked, nodding at her nearly empty plate of pasta.

"Yeah, I'm just taking my time that's all." She replied with a smile before forking another mouthful, "I like to savour my food, not shovel it."

"Hey! I don't shovel, I just eat fast." Edward said, holding his hands up jokingly.

Bella raised an eyebrow at him, "Yeah…I'm going to say you shovel."

"I'm a man though."

Bella gave a small laugh, "That you are."

"You want anything else?" He said, tilting his head at the menu.

She shook her head whilst wiping her mouth, "No, I'm stuffed."

"So am I." He said, rubbing his stomach. "You seem more relaxed."

Bella tucked a piece of hair behind her ear shyly. It was true. She definitely felt more comfortable since sitting down. There was no pressure even though it was kind of a date. It was all very laid back and she did not feel trapped with him.

"Yeah I am."

Edward smiled and for a moment she just stared. He was even more handsome when his face lit up.

"Hey, you ok?" he asked with a slight frown, "You seemed far away there..."

"I'm fine; sorry it's just…I like your smile." She said blushing. He made her mouth become unstitched and the words that had been sewn to the back of her throat became loose and flowed out like string.

"I like your smile too."

"When it appears…" Bella pointed out before drowning the rest of her wine.

"And when it does it's amazing." He stated and Bella quickly looked away from his piercing gaze that burned right through her skin all the way to her heart, warming it up and melting the remaining ice.

Edward quickly touched her hand softly making her look back up at him, "It's true."

"Ok you can stop being so charming now," Bella joked and patted his hand.

"One of my many qualities,"

Bella nodded but did not reply back. That was one of James's qualities. His charm. The way he smiled that made her swoon when she was younger. For some reason, she was finding it hard to ignore the similarities. After all this time James was still creeping up in her life. And that made her angry.

"You said the evening wasn't over?"

"Nope, come on let's go."

Edward signalled over to the waitress that we wanted the bill and she promptly brought it over. He didn't even give her chance to look at the receipt before he was paying for both of them.

"I could have paid half of that." Bella said stubbornly, watching the waitress take away the payment.

"Don't be silly, it was my treat."

"You should have let me contributed at least a little to it,"

Edward stood up and held out his hand, "Forget about it. You can get the next one ok?"

Bella sighed but took his hand and they left the restaurant together.

It had got colder over the course of the evening and as soon as they stepped outside the harsh air whipped at Bella's hair making it fly and curl around her face. She automatically shivered and Edward looked at her in concern.

"You're cold."

"I…I'm fine…" she said through her teeth chattering and Edward shook his head and steered her gently to his car which was thankfully on the restaurants door step.

He opened the door for as she thought he would, "Get in Bella."

Bella rolled her eyes before eventually seating herself back in the passenger seat.

"You're so stubborn." Edward whispered softly before bending down and giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. Her eyes closed at the feel of his lips on her skin.

"Where are we going?" She asked once he was behind the wheel. He didn't reply until he had pulled smoothly out of the space and back onto the road again.

"I thought I'd take you back to my place. Is that ok?"

Bella turned to face him in her seat, "Really?" her tone conveying her excitement and curiosity.

"Yeah it's not far, nothing special. It's an apartment like yours."

"I can't wait to see it."

Whilst driving in comfortable silence, Bella had time to reflect over the evening. It was obvious there were still some demons she needed to address and issues surrounding her past with James that were clouding her mind and judgement. Maybe Edward did have similarities when it came to manners and being complimentary but that did not mean they were the same type of people. She could never imagine Edward doing anything what James had done to her. Then again, she never though James would turn out the way he did. That's what had destroyed her trust the most. How easy it was for him to pretend. To play the part of the perfect boyfriend before shattering that image in her face. But Edward was restoring her faith. Each day he was building her back up again piece by piece. That's when she realised that she was starting to like him. How could she not? He was everything and more.

Edward eventually began to slow down and pulled outside a building much bigger than hers. There were steps leading up to the front doors and she automatically knew that his apartment would be more lavish than her own.

"I'll go park it round the back later. It will be alright here for a bit."

He put a gentle hand on her back again as they walked up the stairs and through the automatic doors to the elevator on the right hand side. It took a while for the lift to come back down but once inside Edward pressed the eighth floor.

"I'm not really high up but still got a good view." He said and they stood in silence as they watched the buttons light up as they flew upwards.

They stepped out onto the eighth floor and Edward gently took her hand and led her to his door near the end of the corridor. He quickly unlocked the door of '816' and let Bella go in first.

Bella was right about Edward's apartment being more extravagant than her own. It was much more spacious and there was more room to move about. It was not top of the range, or one of those expensive bachelor pads, but it was enough to leave her slightly embarrassed about her own.

"Wow." Bella said looking around before gently dropping her purse on the nearest table.

"You like?" He asked whilst removing her coat from her shoulders before hanging it up next to his own.

"You have a great place."

Edward walked into his small kitchen area hidden behind a minimal island and pulled out another bottle of wine, "You want some?" he asked waving it gently.

"Sure" Bella shrugged and sat herself down on one of the comfy sofas. She tucked her legs underneath her and relaxed as she watched Edward move around the area trying to find some wine glasses.

"You still cold?" Edward noted Bella wrapping her arms around herself and she nodded.

"There are a couple of rugs in that box over there, help yourself."

It was nothing special, just a box made out of varnished wood. She lifted the catch and inside was a number of different coloured rugs. Soft and fluffy and she traced the fabric with the back of her hand.

"You have so many."

Edward strolled over and set the drinks on the table. "Yeah, my family and I used to do that on cold nights. Sit in front of the fire snuggled up in rugs. I guess it's just stayed with me."

Bella quickly looked away at the mention of his family. She could picture that scene in her head. A large house, all of his family huddled together under rugs to keep warm and comfy. Her family never did anything like that. And it hurt. More than she liked to admit.

"That sounds nice." She said quietly, choosing a deep purple rug and pulling it out.

"What about you and your family?"

Bella tensed up immediately and her grip tightened on the fabric which did not escape Edward's notice.

"No never." She said stiffly and Edward decided to not push anymore. He could see that her demeanour had completely changed from the mention of her family. There were obviously some hidden truths and issues there.

"Come on, let's get you warm." He offered his hand and helped her up.

She couldn't help but blush as he wrapped the rug around her tightly and placed her feet on his lap. No matter what he did, he always managed to make her feel better. He gently removed her heels and Bella couldn't help but squirm as his fingers touched her ankle. She could feel the electricity even under her tights.

"You're ticklish?" He said with a grin,

Bella gave him a warning look, "Yes…we don't need to see it in action though!"

Edward squeezed her ankle gently, "I won't, promise."

"I had a lovely evening with you tonight." She murmured as his delicate fingers traced patterns on her calf.

"Me too. Would you consider ever doing a repeat?"

Bella smiled and wrapped the rug around her tighter, "Of course."

"Come here, your still cold." He said and quickly wrapped his right arm round her shoulders pulling her closer to his side. She quickly relaxed into his body heat and shivered slightly. From the closeness she could start see the appearance of stubble on his chin and without thinking she rubbed them softly with her fingers. She met his eyes and almost gasped at the intensity they held. His lips parted slightly and the pad of thumb touched his bottom lip. It felt soft and she could almost imagine how it felt before. However, imagining was never better than the real thing.

"Can I kiss you?" He breathed against her fingers and she pulled them away slowly. She found it sweet how he was still cautious and hesitant around her, always making sure she was comfortable before he did anything.

"Please…" she whispered feeling brave all of a sudden.

This time as Edward was leaning forward, her mind did not protest at her to stop this. Instead the instinct to be closer was much stronger and she fell into the pull of intensity. His lips were even softer than she remembered. His breath mixed with hers and she started to feel intoxicated. She relaxed in his hold and she gripped the hair at the nape of his neck. She felt his hand grip her hip and the other cradled her head. The kiss had started off sweet but it was already changing into something more passionate. She had moved so far over that her all of her legs were bent over his lap. Edward seemed to like it when she tugged on his hair as he kissed her harder. The hand that was on her hip moved down and gripped her thigh that had become revealed as her dress had begun to bunch up. Bella gasped into his mouth and his tongue met her own. This was completely different to their first kiss in the shop. It had more fire. She could feel his and her own desire bubbling beneath the surface. She felt it completely over take her and she let it. Once again she lost all her front and control and gave in to the stirrings deep in her stomach.

Before she felt like she would run out of air, Edward pulled away from her lips much to her disappointment. He didn't stay away for long and his delectable mouth attached itself to her neck. She felt her eyes close at his touch as his mouth left kisses and nips. She was slightly embarrassed at the noises that were coming out of her mouth, but Edward was distracting her from even thinking about it. It had been so long since anyone had kissed her there and it felt so good. It felt really good. She didn't stop him when he started to suck on her neck. She didn't even stop him when he pushed her dress up more to her waist. And she didn't even protest when his fingers started feeling along the top of her tights. His lips left her neck and pressed against hers again. She wrapped both her arms around her neck to hold him tighter to her. Edward then started to lay her down softly on the sofa not breaking away from their kiss. His hands crept up to her waist again and started to tug her tights down. She could feel him everywhere. His breath and tongue in her mouth, his chest against hers, his fingers touching her bare skin as he gently took her tights off past her underwear to her knees. Bella even helped to kick them off her feet. He parted her legs and automatically she wrapped them around her waist. She wasn't thinking straight. All she knew was that she wanted Edward closer and more skin to be shown. Her blue dress had been pushed up so high her simple white underwear was on display. He pressed himself against her and even through his trousers she could feel how much he wanted her.

Edward smiled against her lips as he reached behind her searching for the zipper. In frustration he couldn't pull it down as she lay down. However, he didn't want to move from the spot in between her legs. He growled and started kissing along her collarbone. Bella managed to open her eyes and stared at the ceiling gasping. Edward pushed her dress up more so her bare stomach showed and he fingers started to toy with hem of her pants. Just dipping below the hem but not low enough to actually feel anything. It was only when he started pulling them down her hip that she panicked.

"Edward…wait…stop!"

A part of her didn't want too but the bigger half of her wasn't ready to take that step just yet. She felt bad though for letting it go on as far as it did. But for once it felt so good that she had basked in the feeling of letting Edward be in control of her and her body.

Edward stopped kissing her skin immediately and looked up nervously, "What's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry…I just can't go there," she whispered and looked away embarrassed. She could imagine what she looked like. Messed up hair, red cheeks and wild eyes. Her body crying out for him to touch her more. But her head was ruling over for this one.

"Oh…oh right. Erm…I'll just…" Edward stammered and he quickly sat up and moved away.

She hated for ruining the moment and for making it so awkward but if she was going to do this with Edward she needed to feel 100% ready.

"I'm really sorry Edward,"

"Stop it," he said fiercely grabbing her hand in his, "This is my fault. I shouldn't have done that-"

"No! I let you carry on. Don't get me wrong I liked it. Well, I more than liked it. You're…and well the kissing…and your hands are great, but I just can't do that with you….right now." She rambled and Edward kissed her hand.

"It's ok, you're not ready and I respect that." He said sincerely and Bella felt herself melt inside. Was there anything wrong with this guy?

"Ok good…I did like it though." She admitted whilst blushing.

He smiled at her and rubbed his other hand through his messy hair, "I did too."

After a moment's silence Bella sat up and tugged her dress down as far as it would go sitting down. "I think I've definitely warmed up now." She said jokingly and Edward laughed.

"Well I've accomplished something then…oh here's your err…tights."

He picked them off the floor and handed them to her sheepishly.

"Thanks" she said gratefully and got up gingerly.

Edward had a glance of her behind in those pants and quickly looked away. It wasn't good to be tempted any more than he was. Satisfied that Edward wasn't look Bella quickly pulled on her tights and fixed her dress more appropriately.

"You still had a good night?" He asked eagerly, "I hope I didn't spoil it."

Bella shook her head, "No…you didn't."

"Come on, you've still got some wine to finish and I'll take you home ok?"

Bella sat back down but kept a reasonable distance. Edward looked far more appealing than he should. "No more for you though!" she teased and he held his hands up.

"Yes I know. Designated driver and all, got to make sure you get home safe."

Bella peered over her wine glass at him and felt herself smile inside. She hoped this feeling wouldn't end anytime soon.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter! :) **


	20. Memories of her Childhood

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.

WARNING: This story does NOT have a beta. All mistakes are my own.

**I apologise for the delay in updates. As posted on my profile, I have been dealing with family health issues at home whilst doing multiple assignments all in for the same date. Thank you for your patience as always and on a positive note, hello to all the new followers! Drop me a message and introduce yourself if you wish : ) **

"So, how did the date go?" Angela asked the next evening when Bella went round hers for a change. Unlike Bella, Angela lived in a house with her boyfriend Ben Cheney happily settled. They had been dating for about 7 years and Bella was pretty sure that Ben was going to propose at some point. Now that was a wedding that she could not avoid as Angela was bound to make her a bridesmaid.

"It was good…really good." Bella said, fiddling with a loose hem on her jumper.

"Are you going to give me any details?" Angela teased and Bella couldn't help but blush.

"Like what?"

Angela rolled her eyes, "You know! Like where did he take you, what was he wearing, what did you talk about and was he polite etcetera." She fired off and leaned forward expectantly.

"We went to Bella Italia, he got me flowers, wore a nice shirt and opened the door for me."

"Come on! I want a bit more than the basics. It's just me!" Angela pleaded.

"It was everything and more! He's….perfect." Bella sighed and her friend's eyes widened in shock.

"Did something happen? Did you two -"

Bella blushed heavily, "No, but we almost did."

Angela squealed and launched at Bella from across the room, locking her into a tight hug. Startled, Bella patted her back awkwardly and gasped for hair as her friend was squeezing her so tight.

"Can't….breathe…"

"I can't believe this! I'm so happy for you Bella!" Angela cried, pulling back and holding Bella by the shoulders beaming at her.

"I think you're more excited about this than me…" Bella joked and Angela giggled.

"It's just, you've come so far and I'm proud of you for taking such a big step. It can't have been easy but you've done it. "

"It wasn't easy. I've been at war with myself for a while but it's nice to…let go I suppose." Bella admitted.

Angela let go of her shoulders and grabbed Bella's hands that were twisting together nervously. "You definitely look more happy and relaxed than I have ever seen you before."

"I am." Bella said with a happy sigh. She had come so far. More than she ever imagined.

"I need to thank Edward, big time!"

"You might be able to meet him."

Angela's eyes widened with excitement, "Really?"

Bella nodded, "He invited me to his sister's wedding a while ago. I didn't say yes straight away because it was uncomfortable for me, but I would still like it if I had you for moral support."

"I'll support you, you know that." Angela said reassuringly and Bella gave a small smile.

"I'm going to meet his family first."

"Wow! Must be getting serious." Angela noted,

Bella felt panic rise up; she didn't want things to move too fast. "I wouldn't say serious, just another step. I would feel even more awkward if I turned up to his sister's wedding who I have never met. And you know I don't like weddings all that much. Might as well make it as easy as possible."

"That makes sense. But I'm still coming with you to the wedding."

"Good," Bella said gratefully, "I'll just let Edward know to make sure it's ok."

"So when you meeting the family?"

"Soon," Bella bite her lip out of nervous habit and Angela squeezed her hand again.

"You're going to be fine and they will love you. Promise."

"I really hope so!"

-xoxo-

_Is it strange that I miss you even though I saw you last night? – E_

Bella smiled at the text whilst her thumbs hovered over the screen, thinking of her response. Feeling brave she replied.

_No I miss you as well – B_

_Are you sure you want to meet my family? – E_

_Yeah I do – B_

_We'll organise something then, soon. – E_

Bella bit her lip and didn't reply straight away. She knew she could not meet his family. It was unrealistic. Besides, if she was going to have chance of attending this wedding then she might as well face her demons as soon as she could. She was determined to break out of this hold that she had placed upon herself. She wanted to feel normal and Edward had shown her that she could. Deep down, she really wanted this to work whatever it was between Edward and her.

_Ok let me know – B_

_Will do :) – E_

Bella found herself grinning back at the emotion he had sent. She wondered briefly if he had been smiling when he sent it.

"Bella! I need some help over here!" Marcus shouted from the back of the shop, startling her from her thoughts and making her jump.

"Coming!" Bella called back and swiftly got out from behind the desk. She remembered to shove her phone in the desk drawer before walking away. She had been doing that a lot lately. Staring off into space letting her thoughts take over until she completely forgot where she was. Mostly, she was thinking about Edward. It was a good job Marcus hadn't really noticed, she wasn't sure if she could answer any of his questions yet.

"Quick, take these off the top before I drop them all!" Marcus wheezed; his face red as he held a pile of books in his arms.

Bella quickly took some off the top and Marcus instantly relaxed as the weight lessened on his arms.

"You should have put them in the cart then you could push it around," Bella suggested.

"Yeah I might do that, I'm an old man Bella…can't do it like I used too."

"Why don't you let me do this and you can go have a quick break?"

Marcus looked at her for a moment before sighing, "Fine fine, but shout me if you need any help too."

He put the rest of the books on the floor and patted her shoulder as he walked past and out the aisle. Bella shook her head fondly and smiling to herself she placed the books she was holding next to the pile on the floor. Unbeknownst to herself, she started to hum. It wasn't any particular tune, just a gentle sound that was pressed between her lips as her delicate hands organised the books that she loved so much.

"Bella are you ok?"

Bella jumped again and clasped her chest to calm her racing heart. Marcus had popped his head around the aisle and was looking at her strangely.

"I'm fine."

"It's just…you were humming."

Bella raised her eyebrow, "Humming?"

Marcus grinned at her, "Yeah, you must be in a good mood."

"Yeah…maybe I am." Bella said quietly to herself and continued to put some of the books back in the right place.

"I'll leave you to it then."

-xoxo-

"How was work then?" Edward asked on the phone later that night.

"Good, lots of books to organise as usual." Bella tucked the phone under her ear as she sat at her small dining table ready to eat her meal for one.

"You better have done a good job!" He teased and Bella grinned,

"I _always _do a good job thank you very much mister."

"Okay okay, I'm sure you do." He said laughing and she giggled in return. She had never felt so carefree. It was nice and she felt light.

"I like hearing you giggle."

Bella wondered if he knew that her cheeks were blushing as per usual, "You do?"

"Of course. I'd spend the rest of my days trying to hear that sound." He replied seriously and Bella felt her throat tighten with emotion.

Worried by her lack of response he backtracked, "I'm sorry that was too forward."

"No, no. That sounds nice. I'd like that." She replied softly and she heard his sigh of relief. He always treaded so carefully round her, like the fragile being she was. She wondered if she was delicate now.

"So, how would you feel if I told you I spoke to my parents today?"

Bella's eyes widened in surprise, "You did? Already?"

"Well…I kind of already mentioned you." Edward said sheepishly, "They really want to meet you, especially my sister Alice."

"That's good right?" she asked, feeling apprehension and excitement bubble in the pit of her stomach.

"Of course it is."

"I hope you've only said good things about me," she teased quietly and she was surprised at herself how comfortable she was making jokes with him.

"Trust me. There's no need to worry…at least not yet anyways"

"What? Why?" Bella said, her voice rising and Edward chuckled over the phone.

"Hey, what did I just say?"

"Sorry, sorry. So why am I going to be worrying later then?" Bella asked before chewing on her meal.

"They want to meet you, like soon. The wedding is coming around though so might as well see them as soon as possible, make it easier for you." Edward explained as Bella swallowed.

"How soon are we talking here?"

"Next week possibly, is that ok?"

Bella's eye widened again. "Wow. That soon?"

"Did I mention that they _really_ want to meet you?"

"Yeah you did." Bella forked more food in her mouth to distract herself. She had a week to prepare herself. The nerves were already taking over.

"Try not to panic Bella please, it's just my family. It's going to be fine I promise."

"Ok I'll try." She replied quietly.

"Besides, once you've met mine I should probably introduce myself to yours obviously."

With that, Bella's heart dropped to her stomach along with her fork that clattered onto her plate and onto the floor. Her throat constricted and she closed her eyes to regulate her breathing. She knew she could not avoid this forever, but she did not want to face it either.

"Bella! Are you ok?" Edward became alarmed when he heard a noise over the phone.

"Y-yeah…sorry. I've got to go." Bella replied shakily, she couldn't talk to him about this right now and especially not over the phone. This conversation had to be done face to face but she just didn't feel ready. Not yet. The scary thing was she was not sure if she would ever be able to confront the memories of her childhood. The one that has shaped who she is.

"What's wrong Bella?"

It was amazing how Edward could tell straight away how Bella was feeling. He noticed the shortness of her breath and how she stammered.

"Nothing. I'm fine. Look I'm really sorry I have to go."

"Bella, please talk to me!" Edward pleaded, knowing that he was losing her. Something had upset her, he could tell through her voice.

"I will…I just can't right now. Just let me know about the details for next week please. I'll speak to you soon ok?" Bella said slowly and measured, trying to keep her voice in check and failing. She knew he suspected something was wrong. But to divert him now would be enough to sort herself out.

"Right ok. I'll see you soon Bella." Edward said sighing and ended the call regretfully.

Bella put the phone down and closed her eyes momentarily breathing through her nose and out her mouth. Once she felt calm again she bent down and replaced the fork on the table next to her half eaten meal. She had suddenly lost her appetite. She had to talk to Edward about her parents eventually. That was one thing she could not push away anymore. She only hoped that it did not ruin things, not just for Edward but for her own emotional sanity.

She would tell him. Soon.


	21. I Hope Your Right

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.

WARNING: This story does NOT have a beta. All mistakes are my own. This story is also not perfect and I never claimed it to be.

**A/N: I finally reached 100 reviews; you guys have no idea how much that means to me! Thank you to all the people who have taken the time to press that button and write me a line or two. Sending lots of love and kisses to you all! **

"What if they don't like me?"

"Don't be silly, of course they are going to like you. In face they are going to love you."

Bella looked at Edward with her eyebrows raised, "How do you know that?"

Edward smirked as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, "I just do" he said before flashing a smile. She instantly blushed.

"You've been worrying about this all week. Don't you think it's time you took a break from all of that?" Edward advised and Bella nodded, knowing that he was right. They were nearly at his family home where his parents still lived. His sister Alice was going to be there along with her fiancé Jasper and she was apparently very excited to meet her in the flesh.

Over the past week she had been bugging Edward with questions about his family, their life and his. She had been so wrapped up in her own head and dealing with her own demons she had no stopped to ask anything about him. His sister Alice was in the process of setting up her own fashion business with a collection of her own designs with one of her friends, hence why she was so interested in shopping according to Edward. Edward's father Carlisle was a doctor at the local hospital, while his mother Esme was into interior designing which Alice occasionally helped out with. They all sounded like a tight-knit family and Bella could not help feel a deep seated longing within her chest. Bella was intrigued from the stories he told her. One thing was for certain, his family were completely different to hers and their upbringing couldn't be denied as polar opposites.

As for Edward, she discovered that he was in the real estate business with Alice's fiancé Jasper and earned his money from investing in properties that needed a little TLC and renting them out or selling them to the public for a higher price than first brought. According to Edward, it was a business to get into if you knew what you were doing and did it right. Sometimes the workload got busy but Edward found it rewarding. She could see it in the sparkle of his eyes when he talked about his work. He clearly enjoyed it just as she loved working in her small book shop with Marcus. At the moment, they had been working on a run-down family house that had been left in bad condition. They were hoping to restore it to its natural beauty and sell it on again. Her small little job in the book shop paled in comparison to hers and yet she did not feel inferior. They had grown much closer and had learnt a significant amount about each other. For once she felt like she knew a small part of him and he wasn't a stranger.

"Hey, we are nearly there." Edward grasped her hand over the console reassuringly as he slowed down to drive smoothly with one hand. Bella squeezed it back gratefully and gave a small smile. The drive had not been that long but she could tell they were away from the main streets and the bustle of the shops. The traffic had become quieter the further they drove away.

"My parents like the peace and quiet." Edward explained as she looked out the window at the passing scenery.

"What about your sister?" She asked as Edward chuckled, his eyes crinkling in the corner.

"Definitely not. She likes the noise and plus it's good for her business. Esme travels into town to open up shop but other than that she likes to leave it behind at the end of the day."

Bella nodded and stared out the window again. She said nothing for several minutes and watched the world rush by as they continued to drive.

"You're quiet." He observed, though his eyes never left the road.

"I'm nervous." She admitted quietly.

"I know you are. Would it make you feel better if you knew I was a bit too?"

"Why are you nervous?" She asked confused.

"My family are important to me…but I care very much about you as well. I just want both in my life at the same time."

"That's really sweet of you."

"I try." Edward said smiling whilst still looking at the road ahead.

However, the closer they got to his family home the more nervous she became. Her mind wondered to their last phone conversation where Edward had mentioned meeting her own family. The thought still sent shivers through her and she clasped her hands tightly in her lap to stop them from shaking. She knew it could never be possible for Edward to meet her parents. It would be her worst nightmare to face them again. She had to tell him soon though as her avoidance around the topic was becoming obvious and he would frown every time she deflected.

"So what have you told them about me?" She asked curiously.

"I told them the truth. That I have been seeing a beautiful and an amazing young woman who I enjoy spending my time with."

Bella blushed and looked away. Her heart jumped at his words. She liked that he enjoyed spending time with her as much as she did with him.

"Bella, we're here." Edward said quietly as he placed a handle gently on her knee to stop it bouncing.

She looked at the house that was standing on its own surrounded by trees and gardens. She could tell even from the outside that it was a large building and she guessed it would just be as luxurious inside. For the first time she felt uneasy about Edward's lifestyle compared to her own. The windows were large with gleaming glass as the little sun that shone through the trees reflected. Edward promptly parked the car outside and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before exiting the car and quickly running round to open her door for her.

Bella tugged on the blouse that she had decided to put on that morning that she had paired with her favourite pair of skinny jeans and boots.

"Relax, you look beautiful as always." Edward said as he affectionately thumbed her rosy cheeks.

"Shall we?" He asked before offering his hand out towards her which she hesitantly took.

They walked across the gravel and up the three steps in front before Edward opened the door and let Bella go in first. She faintly heard him shut the door behind her as she took in her surroundings. The house was just as big inside as it was outside. The colours were all creams, light yellows and gold that the light reflected off.

A woman appeared with a gentle smile on her face. Bella could tell straight away she was Edward's mother. The similarities between them were undeniable. She was small and petite, with the same unusual hair colour as her son. It reminded Bella of caramel.

She approached them swiftly before hugging Edward tightly and kissing both his cheeks.

"It's been too long! Where have you been hiding?" She playfully scolded her son as Edward rolled his eyes and gestured to Bella who was standing awkwardly to the side as she watched the display.

Bella was in a state of shock as his mother beamed at her like she was a long lost sibling and hugged her tightly. Bella immediately stiffened at the contact but his mother didn't seem to notice. She pulled back and held her by the shoulders as Bella managed to give a small smile.

"You must be Bella." She said before releasing her grip on Bella.

"Yes, it's lovely to meet you Mrs Cullen."

"Call me Esme. Mrs Cullen is much too formal." She said smiling before giving Bella a wink.

"Where's dad?" Edward asked.

"He's in the kitchen but I probably shouldn't have left him alone with the food. You know what he's like." Esme joked and ushered the couple to take off their coats and through the hallway into the large kitchen.

Esme noticed Bella's eyes widened at all the cabinets and the amount of counter space.

"I like to cook. So I convinced Edward to help expand it for me."

A man was attempting to prepare salad near the sink and was chopping up some peppers and throwing them into a bowl.

"Darling, I hope you're being careful." Esme said affectionately as she patted him on the shoulder.

The man turned round as he was wiping his hands on a dishcloth. He was slightly older but still attractive just like his son.

"Bella, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. I'm Carlisle." He said, holding his hand to shake Bella's.

Bella grasped it firmly and smiled. "You too."

"Edward has not stopped talking about you, so it's finally nice to put a face to a name."

Bella looked at Edward quizzically, and he looked away embarrassed his cheeks starting to redden.

"Anyways, you two go take a seat and make yourselves comfortable." Esme said smiling at them before stirring something with a spoon.

-xoxo-

"Hey, are you ok? This isn't too much is it?" Edward asked once they were seated on one of the larger sofas. He rubbed his thumb over her hand soothingly and Bella instantly felt calm.

"No I'm fine. Your parents are really nice." She said truthfully. Underneath though, she could feel stirrings of jealously.

"Thanks. I think they like you already." He said with a twinkle in his eye.

"Probably with all the non-stop talking you have been doing from the sounds of it." Bella teased and she revelled in Edward's blush again.

"I don't do it…that often."

"Just as long as you say nice things about me."

Edward chuckled before kissing the hand he was holding. "Of course, I would never say anything else."

They eventually went back into the dining room. Bella was seated next to Edward opposite Esme and Carlisle as she dished out the pasta, chicken pieces and the salad on the dining table.

"How's the work coming along on the house Edward?" Carlisle asked as he poured more wine into his glass.

"Slowly, but it's starting to take shape. It will be beautiful when it's done." Edward said.

"It will be when I'm finished with it. I've already planned the interior design for it." Esme said cheerfully.

"We thought Edward would follow in my footsteps and become a doctor, but no he was more interested in building things as child rather than my stethoscope." Carlisle joked and Bella tried to imagine Edward as a doctor, saving lives and working long shifts.

"So Bella, Edward tells us you work in a book shop." Esme said, switching the conversation to her.

Bella nodded. "Yes. I'm very good friends with the owner and I'm there most days."

"I just love books. Have you published any of your own?" Esme asked.

Bella shook her head and laughed nervously, "Oh no. Never crossed my mind to try."

"That's a shame. They always say everyone has a novel in them."

Bella smiled weakly before sipping her wine. She hated the spotlight being on her.

As they ate, Bella was quite content to listen to stories of Edward's childhood, Esme's passion for design and Carlisle calm nature when dealing with difficult situations at the hospital. There were times when they were more interested in listening to her talk. So she told them about her friend Angela, her job at the bookshop and about herself in general.

"Are you coming to the wedding? You're more than welcome." Esme said kindly and Bella smiled easily.

"Edward's already asked me." Bella said shyly.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could feel Edward's eyes upon her. She had meant to tell him in private that she was accepting the invitation but Esme had done it for her. She hoped he was happy.

"Speaking of weddings, where is Alice?" Edward asked, "Wasn't she supposed to be here?"

"She's running a little late. She'll be here in a bit." Esme explained before patting her mouth with a napkin.

"Well, I don't know about you but I'm full." Carlisle patted his stomach and drained the rest of his wine.

"It was lovely Esme, thank you." Bella said politely but Esme waved her off and ushered all them back in to the front room.

Edward pulled Bella's hand so she fell onto the sofa they occupied earlier and flung his arm behind her. She felt uneasy being so close in front of his parents but he insisted she scoot over closer to him. She caught Esme smiling at them both and quickly looked away embarrassed.

They continued to chat for a while when they heard the front door shut and a voice that echoed throughout the house sweetly.

"It's only me!"

Bella turned around to see a small, slim woman bounce into the room. She looked about Bella's age but was the complete opposite in presence and personality. Her hair was styled in a pixie cut with black strands framing her small face that was pale just like Bella's. As soon as she was close enough, Alice fixated her gaze upon Bella.

"Oh my god! Bella it's so nice to finally meet you, I'm Alice…obviously!"

Bella was taken aback at her confidence and even more surprised when Alice quickly rushed to give her a hug like she was her long lost sister.

"Hi." Bella said quietly, feeling instantly shy and nervous. She felt Edward's hand grip her shoulder in comfort and she tried to relax.

"Sorry I'm late. There was an emergency with one of the designs." Alice explained and dumped her bag on the window seat near her.

"I saved you some food if you're hungry." Esme said, getting up off the sofa next to Carlisle and hugging her daughter.

"Thanks mom. I'm starving." Alice plonked herself down opposite Bella and Edward and pulled her feet up underneath her.

"Have you shown Bella the baby pictures of Edward yet?" Alice said mischievously and Edward gave her a warning look.

"Alice, no."

Alice stuck her tongue out at him in reply. "Whatever. I was the cuter one anyways."

"Do you have any siblings Bella?" Carlisle asked curiously.

Bella shook her head. "No just me."

"Lucky. You should have seen these two constantly bickering as kids." Carlisle chuckled.

"They still do it now." Esme said laughing. "They love each other really."

"Sometimes." Edward said with a roll of his eyes.

"Shush you. Trying to make me look bad in front of your girlfriend." Alice teased.

Bella blushed and looked down.

_Is that what we are? Is that what this is? _

"You two look so sweet together. Such a good looking couple!"

Edward gave his sister a subtle look. "Alice."

"Okay okay! Just saying." Alice said holding her hands up.

"See what I mean?" Esme said smiling at the two of them fondly and Bella just nodded in response.

"What do your parents do for a living Bella?" Carlisle asked innocently.

Bella felt her heart pound and her palms start to sweat. She clenched her hands tightly in her lap and out of Edward's reach. This was her worst nightmare coming true. She could feel herself starting to panic as everyone looked at her expectantly for an answer.

"Bella dear, are you quite alright? You've gone pale." Esme asked concerned.

"Y-yes…I just. Excuse me." Bella stuttered and quickly stood up from the sofa.

She quickly excited the room and grasped her chest that was hurting. She wanted to leave but at the same time she didn't want to be rude and make what she was doing worse. She looked to her left and saw a grand staircase. Without thinking she quickly rushed up the stairs. Her torment increased when all of the walls were covered with family photographs. Pictures of Edward and his sister Alice as a baby. Posing with Esme and Carlisle. Family holidays. It made her head spin. Their love was evident through the photos and it made her miserable that she never had anything like that. She missed what could have been.

"Bella! Are you ok?"

Bella gasped as Edward startled her. He looked at her, and then the pictures then back at her again.

"I'm sorry I left." Bella said quietly and Edward took a step closer to her. He put his hand under her chin and lifted it so she was forced to look at him. He saw so much pain that it made him breathe out.

"Talk to me. What's wrong?"

"It hurts." She confessed.

Edward frowned and stroked her cheeks lovingly. "What does?"

Bella closed her eyes tightly before opening them again. "To see you so happy with your family."

"Why? Bella, I don't understand." Edward said confused and she wished that she could bottle up this secret. But she had kept it long enough and it was slowly eating her up. If she didn't tell him now she never would. Then there would be no hope for this relationship. It would be constantly looming in the background.

"Did you see any pictures of my family at my place? Any portraits, family holidays?" She asked desperately. She could see Edward's mind working. Looking back on his visit and how he had took in her living room and only saw landscapes in frames.

He eventually shook his head. "No, I didn't."

"That's because I don't have a family. Not really." Bella said eventually.

"Are you saying they passed away –"

"No!" Bella cut him off. "As far as I know they are very much alive. I just haven't spoken to them for a couple of years."

"Why?" Edward pressed. She was finally opening up and he didn't want her to stop now regardless of the bad timing and location.

"They didn't love me." She said with a gasp and she quickly looked away.

Edward grabbed her face gently again and made her look at him again. "That's ridiculous."

"No, you have no idea what my life was like with them. What they did, what they didn't do." She pleaded with him to understand.

"Bella. I'm not going anywhere. Just tell me and I promise it will be ok."

Bella shook her head. "It won't."

"Ok. We're leaving. Now." He said adamantly, "We can finish this another time."

"I'm so sorry. I feel so bad."

"Don't be. It's not your fault. I shouldn't have brought you here, if I had known…" Edward trailed off and Bella could see he was feeling guilty.

"I should have told you earlier that I have issues." She said regretfully.

"You're telling me now." Edward said. "Look, we'll go back downstairs and say goodbye."

"If you sure. I'll be ok just give me a minute –"

Bella was cut off by Edward putting a single finger to her lips. "Stop it. You've done nothing wrong. We can come back anytime ok?"

Bella sighed, "Ok."

They walked back downstairs holding hands and back into the front room. Bella had never felt so embarrassed in her life so she tried to hold back and stand slightly behind Edward. Esme, Carlisle and Alice all looked concerned about her.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah fine. Sorry, we are going to have to rush off. Thanks for dinner mom." Edward said before leaning down and kissing her on the cheek.

"Well it was lovely to see you and finally meet you Bella." Esme said kindly and Bella gave a weak smile.

"Thank you for having me." She said quietly feeling all the more guilty as Edward's family looked at her with kind faces.

"It was our pleasure. You are welcome anytime." Carlisle said with his arm around his wife.

Alice got up from her seat and quickly walked over to Bella before giving her a quick hug. "We definitely need to meet up and go shopping."

"That sounds good." Bella said truthfully.

"Good, I'll get your number off Edward and text you." Alice said cheerfully.

After saying goodbye, Edward led Bella to his car and opened the door for her before getting into the driver's seat. Once Bella was out of the house she managed to take a deep breath and let it out.

"Relieved?" Edward asked once he had pulled onto the main road again.

"Yes. But not in the way you think. Your parents are lovely."

Bella looked in the mirror as she watched the house get smaller as they drove away.

"Do you want to talk?"

Bella looked at him. "I think we should."

Edward quickly glanced at her and nodded. This talk had been a long time coming.

"Edward, I really liked your parents and Alice."

Edward smiled and held her hand gently across the console. "They like you too."

"How do you know?" Bella asked curiously.

"I just do." Edward replied grinning as he repeated his earlier words before they arrived.

_I hope your right. _


	22. Bare

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.

WARNING: This story does NOT have a beta. All mistakes are my own. This story is also not perfect and I never claimed it to be.

**A/N: Your reviews make me happy! Hello to all the new followers and the people who put me on alert/favourites. As some of you might know I finally have a blog so if you want to keep up-to-date with UMH, with me and have access to teasers then visit the link below by taking out the spaces or by accessing it on my profile. **

** scribbledwordsblog. wordpress. com **

**This chapter is dedicated to the soldier that cruelly lost his life in my country (UK) May you rest in peace. **

Edward drove Bella back to her place which she was grateful for. She needed to be in familiar surroundings and a place where she felt comfortable. Throughout the journey back, Edward did not pry or bother her with questions. He let her sit quietly and stare out the window as they left the peace and silence behind to return back to the busy streets. Bella was trying to keep her mind and her heart calm it was beating that fast. She knew this conversation could no longer be avoided, not if it was going to affect her relationship with Edward and his family. She had never felt as embarrassed as she had nearly half an hour ago when she left the room to have an emotional breakdown. She was supposed to the image of control and it had shattered when she saw and felt the love Edward's family shared. She regretted not telling him sooner. Maybe then she could have avoided all the fuss she had caused. She wondered to herself how she was going to put her story into words. Even Angela did not know all the details just the basics. She was unsure how Edward would react. Would he see what her parents and James saw?

Edward managed to find a space right outside her home and together they walked up the stairs and into her flat. She felt timid and shy when Edward looked at her expectantly.

"I think I'm going to have a very large glass of wine, do you want one?" Bella asked hesitantly, gesturing towards to the kitchen.

"Sure, whatever you're having."

Bella nodded and took off her coat before hanging it up on a peg. She quickly got two glasses and filled them generously with white wine. Edward was seated on her sofa patiently and she handed him a glass and sat down on the opposite end keeping some space between them. If she was any closer she would not be able to concentrate let alone tell him her past.

"You don't have to do this now." Edward said trying to give her an escape. But she had been avoiding this for too long to take it.

"No, I have to or I never will." Bella said determinedly.

"Ok. I'm listening." Edward said. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious in what Bella was going to tell him.

"This is…really hard for me." Bella said quietly taking a deep breath to calm her racing heart. Her palms were starting to sweat and she curled them into fists and unclenched them.

"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere, I'm staying." Edward said his eyes wide and honest.

"Ever since I can remember…my parents have never…" Bella stammered then took another deep breath, "Never really cared about me."

Edward said nothing and stared at her intently.

"They aren't like Esme or Carlisle. They were…are the complete opposites of what parents should be."

"Ok…what do you mean?" Edward asked confused.

Bella gulped some of her wine down. "God, I used to think it was me. That there was something wrong with me." She gave a harsh bitter laugh and shook her head. "All the times they disregarded me, blamed me and then made me feel guilty for it…as if it was my fault. As if I was a mistake. I just wanted their love. Was that too much to ask for?"

"Of course it isn't. No child should need to ask for their parent's affections." Edward said moving closer to her on the sofa but still not touching.

"I used to sit there, trying to understand why they treated me the way they did. Especially my….She used to be so controlling and strict with me. For a while I thought it was normal. But then at school, I'd look at the other kids with their moms and notice that she never hugged me the way those moms did."

She didn't look at Edward; she couldn't for the fear of pity on his face. "Do you know why she was like that?" he asked.

"No and I still don't. She used to make me feel so small and insignificant. I was weak and vulnerable in her eyes and I didn't know what I could do to change that." Bella said sadly.

She felt Edward move even closer to her their knees now touching. "You are not weak."

"I was Edward. God, back then I was. She manipulated me and I let her…every time. Every time she would do something wrong she would blame me. That time when she dropped her glass on purpose and she made me clean it up as If I was the one who knocked it out of her hand."

"Bella…I'm so –"

"Don't." Bella said quickly holding her hand up. "I don't want your sympathy. I wallowed in my own enough when I was younger."

Edward nodded and said nothing else allowing Bella to continue with her story.

"You know what the worse thing was? He never said anything. He just…let her. And I think that is what hurt me the most." Bella said almost in disbelief.

"Who's he?" Edward asked confused.

"My…my...never mind." Bella said giving up. Charlie didn't deserve that title and neither did Renee.

"I can probably guess who your referring too if that helps." Edward suggested with half a smile.

"Yeah." Bella said running a hand through her hair frustrated.

"Is that why you got upset today at my parents?" Edward asked before sipping his wine.

Bella nodded. "Yes. It made me realise what I never had with them. I guess it made it all more real rather than just a bad memory."

"You should have said something."

"I know and that's my fault and I'm sorry for that." Bella said apologising.

"Stop it. I was too forward and pressured you. I should have kept my distance but I was being selfish because I wanted you." Edward explained with guilt in his voice.

"If you hadn't I would never have taken the chance I have with you. I'm grateful for that." Bella said facing him.

"I wish I could do something." Edward said helplessly.

"You are. You're listening and your here. And that's the one thing Renee and Charlie never did for me. I had a lonely childhood and that has made me bitter for so long." Bella's voice cracked at the end and she found it hard to swallow the lump in her throat.

Edward reached over and grabbed her hand in his own.

"There's more isn't there?"

Bella looked at him and nodded her heart heavy and an ache in her stomach. "Yes."

"You told me enough for tonight."

Bella shook her head and sighed out loud. "No I need to do this before I lose my nerve."

"After the treatment I received from my parents I guess I was vulnerable. I just wanted to be loved but obviously they never approved of anyone and I got used to being alone and unattached. I wasn't looking or anything. Then I met James and I thought all my Christmases had come at once….literally." Bella tried to speak calmly, but as she continued she could feel her throat becoming tighter and dry.

"Is he the reason why you kept pushing me away in the beginning?" Edward asked immediately.

"Yes." Bella replied with a small voice that had an undertone of guilt. She hated that James was the reason she couldn't get close to Edward in the first place, along with the neglect she received from her parents.

Edward squeezed her hand gently in comfort, "What happened?"

Bella laughed to herself quietly. "He was so sweet in the beginning, the perfect gentleman."

_And you were an idiot to fall for it. _

"Most importantly Renee and Charlie approved of him. He was the first guy to ever be considered good enough for me…." Bella closed her eyes and tried to swallow again with difficulty.

She then looked down unable to face Edward, "I thought things were changing for the better. I should have known it was too good to be true… He was my first boyfriend. Of course I fell for him, it was as easy as falling." her voice now almost inaudible.

"Edward, I was so stupid. So stupid!" She cried in frustration, holding her head with one hand and her other gripping Edward's tightly.

"Bella…" Edward said quietly, hoping she would calm down.

"I was incredibly naïve. I gave him everything of me. I trusted him!" Bella snapped. She could feel herself getting angry. The hate that she had been repressing was bubbling to the surface and she didn't know how to stop it. Years of blocking it out had taken its toll.

"As soon as we were engaged that was it. He changed…right before my eyes. He was a completely different person!"

Edward's eyes widened in shock and surprise, "You were engaged?"

"I don't understand what I did to deserve the way he treated me, like I was beneath him. And I let him. I let him walk all over me and talk to me like shit. He disrespected and humiliated me every chance he got…like he enjoyed it. God maybe he did?" She ranted.

"Bella – "Edward tried to speak.

"I was the candy on his arm that he could show off to all his friends. Why? Why did I let him do that?" Bella cried and she could feel herself getting more and more worked up, but she couldn't stop. Now that she had started everything was coming out in one big rush.

"Maybe you should think about calming d-"

"I must have been blind. Absolutely blind!" She fumed.

"I'm sure you weren't Bell-"

"He changed me. He made me the way I am now, closed off and unapproachable. I hate the way I am. What I've become." She said with defeat in her tone.

Her mouth parted in horror when she realised that her eyes began to glisten with unshed tears. She would not cry. She had not cried ever since he left. Not once.

"That night. In a way I'm grateful for what happened because it gave me the kick I needed."

Edward looked at the side of the face and resisted the urge to touch her face. She looked so sad.

"Bella, what did he do?" He said, trying to keep his tone in check. He was surprised at how angry he felt towards people he had never met. But the way Bella looked broke his heart and he realised the damage those three people had done had left deep scars.

"He didn't like what I was wearing. So he ripped it and slapped me across the face." She said with an air of finality.

"Jesus." Edward breathed.

"I don't know why I'm making a big deal out of this. I got lucky. I left him that same night while he was sleeping. None of them know where I am."

"Just because you left doesn't mean your pain isn't any less." Edward reasoned.

"It's with me always though. I've been this way my whole life." Bella said closing her eyes in defeat in attempt to stop herself crying.

"Don't you know how much different you are now than you were just a couple months ago?" Edward asked in disbelief.

Bella finally opened her eyes and her vision was blurry. She looked at Edward through watery eyes and a single tear fell down her cheek. Edward brushed it away with the pad of his thumb but more tears leaked out of her eyes and before Bella knew it, she was crying.

"I…." Bella gasped and more tears began to flow down her face.

Edward held her face between his hands and stroked her cheeks to wipe away the tears.

"I wish you could see what I see. Yes you've been hurt badly. But you're a strong and beautiful woman. You have a job you love with Marcus and you have Angela and me." Edward said firmly.

Bella began to sob and Edward pulled her to his chest and held her. He gently rocked back and forth and rubbed her back soothingly as she cried. She didn't care that she could be ruining his shirt.

"A couple of months ago you wouldn't have let me hold you like this. You've come so far." Edward said comfortingly.

"I…I hate them for…what they did to me." Bella gasped as she tried to fight the emotions that were overwhelming her.

"I know you do. I don't blame you either but you need to let go Bella. You need to let go of the past otherwise you're going to have this hate for the rest of your life." Edward said quietly into her ear.

Bella gripped Edward's back tightly in response. "I'm not sure how." Her voice shook.

"You said you would try with me. So try at moving on." Edward said before kissing the side of her head.

Bella relaxed her grip on his back. "You're the first person I've ever told." Bella said sniffing and wiping her nose unattractively.

"What?" Edward exclaimed and leaning back to look at her in shock.

"I mean, I told Angela basic details but never the full story." Bella said ashamed.

Edward looked at her in shock. "So you've never spoke to anyone else about this?"

Bella nodded in confirmation.

"God Bella, you need to talk to someone about this other than me…a therapist maybe." Edward suggested.

"I don't like the thought of telling a stranger the private details of my life." She said looking away.

Edward pulled her tear-stained face gently back so she was facing him again. He hated to see her so broken. "Maybe that's something we should think about doing."

"We?"

"Yes we. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying." Edward said determinedly.

Bella looked at him with fear and hope in her eyes. A small part of her jumped at his words. The rest doubted him as she had doubted everything in her life.

"You've had to deal with this pain on your own. But you're not anymore. Don't suffer in silence." Edward said seriously.

"I'm not sure where to go from here. What the next step is."

Edward sighed and stroked her hair lovingly. "The first step is you need to talk to someone professional. I know you don't want too but I think it's for the best."

Bella nodded and rubbed underneath her eyes, feeling wet smudged mascara.

"So, they have no idea where you are. You just left?" Edward asked.

"Yes." She replied her lip trembling.

"That's probably best."

She nodded as fresh tears began spilling from her cheeks. Edward pulled her close again and she began to cry into his chest. She couldn't deny that it felt good to cry and let it all out. Her pain, her anger and the young child deep within her that was still so confused.

"I-Im…s-sorry." Bella gasped and struggled for air as she continued to breakdown.

Edward soothed Bella was quietly whispering in her ear and rubbing her back. He kissed the top of her head and rocked her gently as she wept. She was cried for herself. She sobbed for the childhood she should have had and the love that never was. Each tear was a representation of everything that had gone wrong and everything she had kept locked up inside. With each gasp the wall she had built around herself and her heart so tightly completely demolished and she was bare.

"Stop apologising. We'll figure this out okay? Together." Edward said quietly in her ear.

Bella wasn't sure how long she cried for. It seemed to be never-ending. At some point, Edward picked her up bridal style in his arms and carried her to her bedroom before laying her gently on the bed under the covers. She worried he would leave but he quickly got in and held her again. Her last thought was that she hoped he would hold her like this for the rest of her life before she fell asleep and tumbled into darkness.


	23. Simple Things

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.**

**WARNING: This story does NOT have a beta. All mistakes are my own. This story is also not perfect and I never claimed it to be. **

**Check out my blog: scribbledwordsblog. wordpress. com (remove spaces)**

Bella's eyes felt heavy and gritty so she didn't open them. She kept them closed and continued to drift. She wandered through dark memories and dreams. Her parent's faces haunted her and James's laugh echoed throughout, taunting her even whilst she slept. She felt heavy on her bed and the softness of her sheets seemed to caress her. For once in her life she felt a sense of relief and that a heaviness that had weighed upon her was now lifted allowing her to breathe properly.

She sighed comfortably and snuggled into the warmth again. She felt safe and the nightmares of those three people faded away as if they never existed. Instead of running in fear her head was filled with blissful images allowing a contented rest. She was not sure how long she slumbered but it seemed that she was endlessly drowsy and she struggled to wake.

Her eyes half opened and she felt groggy and disorientated. She was definitely in her bedroom but she was not sure how she got there. She groaned softly and lifted up her head slightly to see that she had been lying on Edward's chest. She blinked and rubbed at the sleep that had gathered in her eyes. She finally regained her focus and looked at a sleeping Edward.

His eyes were closed and his lips were softly parted as he breathed softly. Bella studied his peaceful expression. Her stomach fluttered and twisted and she instantly felt her cheeks flush. It was stupid to deny how gorgeous he was and how she was attracted to him. How could she not be? It was obvious he cared for her and in turn she cared for him as well. The realisation hit her that Edward had become a big part of her life. She felt an odd sense of comfort that he was here with her and she did not feel nervous or regretful that he had obviously slept next to her in her own bed. He was right. She had come a long way from what she was like before. Her whole manner had altered and she was not as stand offish as she used to be. She liked to think she was now more approachable. Edward had helped her to change into something better and she could not thank him enough for that.

Edward stirred and pulled Bella closer to the side of him. She placed a gentle hand on his chest to steady herself and felt the steady thump of his heart underneath her palm. His chest rising and falling slowly. He shifted slightly and Bella lifted her hand off him in surprise. His eyes opened and she was soon staring into green depths. He pinned her with his gaze and she couldn't help but stare back and notice how long his eyelashes were.

"Hey." He said quietly whilst looking at her intensely.

She wondered briefly how she looked to him right now, with her red eyes and messy hair.

"Hi." She finally managed croakily before trying to swallow and ease her dry throat.

"You sleep well?" He asked before sitting up slightly so he was hovering over her.

She did not feel intimidated that he was leaning over her and keeping her attention on him.

"I did actually," She said softly, "You didn't have to stay with me."

"I wanted too." He said as Bella bite her lip feeling embarrassed at the way she acted yesterday.

He quickly tapped her lip so her teeth would let go, "Don't do that. That's my job." He teased and Bella blushed.

Edward studied her a moment before speaking, "Are you feeling okay?"

"Better than yesterday," She replied honestly and Edward nodded in understanding.

"Thank you." He said quietly leaning closer to her face so that she could smell him.

Bella looked at him confused, "For what?"

"For telling me about your parents and James."

Bella rubbed her hands down her face slowly, "I should have told you sooner."

"Maybe so, but the point is you did." Edward said smiling at her.

"I didn't want you to think differently of me just because of my past." She explained.

"Silly Bella," he said before touching his forehead against her own, "You need to trust me a little more."

"I know I do and I'm going to work on that amongst other things." She said firmly.

"That sounds like a great idea." Edward said comfortingly

Bella sniffed and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, "I don't regret telling you. I feel relieved actually to get all that off my chest."

"You've been holding it in for much too long." Edward said concerned as he looked at her with worry in his eyes.

"Yeah, I think I just let it overwhelm me." She said rubbing at her dry eyes.

"You're not alone anymore. You can talk to me."

Bella nodded and couldn't help but stare at Edward's mouth as it hovered about her own.

"I hope you don't mind that I slept over." He said with guilt on his face.

Bella shook her head and raised her hand to the back of his neck, feeling the softness of his hair and reassure him that it was ok.

"No, I liked sleeping next to you." She smiled and he couldn't help but smile back.

"Me too." He whispered as she continued to stroke the back of his head.

"I hope I didn't ruin things with your parents." She frowned and Edward quickly touched the line that had formed between her brows.

"They will understand. Don't worry about it. They loved you anyway." He said reassuringly and quickly kissed her on the forehead.

"I want to do what you said. I think I need to speak to someone professional about my issues." Bella said confidently.

"I think it will be good for you….and us." Edward said nervously.

Bella looked at him in confusion.

"Don't look at me like that. I've told you, I'm staying and if you want to do this then I'm going to be right there."

Bella couldn't believe that this man wanted to stay with her. "Really?"

Edward sighed and looked at her tenderly, "Yes. I want you to be happy, to be happy in yourself and…with me."

"You do make me happy." Her smile could not deny that. "You scared me at the beginning though."

"That wasn't my intention." He said with a pang of guilt in his stomach.

Bella could see it straight away and gripped his neck tighter, "I know. It wasn't you I was afraid of. I was afraid of what could be, and in some weird way I was afraid of myself."

"And now?"

Bella breathed out as she looked at him, "Now…I don't even know what I was afraid of."

Without a thought she tilted herself up and sought his open mouth with hers. Her heart jumped as soon as they made contact and electricity ran through her veins. Edward was taken by surprise before he smiled against her lips and kissed her back more deeply. His lips were soft as usual and she automatically gripped the back of his head tighter losing herself in this kiss she had instigated. His hand was holding her waist gently and Bella craved his closeness.

Edward eventually slowed the kissed down and pecked her lips two more times before pulling back slightly. "I definitely was not that expecting that."

"I thought I'd surprise you and it's my thank you." Bella said and he laughed softly.

"Well, if they are going to be anything like that then you can carry on surprising me."

Bella grinned at him as she stretched out on the bed.

"I suppose we should get up." Edward said as he sat up in bed.

"You don't have work do you?" Bella asked not wanting him to leave just yet.

Edward watched Bella as she got out of bed and started pulling out clothes from her wardrobe. "Nope, you've got me all to yourself."

"You're in luck because I will be making you breakfast." She said playfully and disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

-xoxo-

After Bella had changed into some fresh clothes and washed her face in the bathroom. She quickly combed through her bed hair and sprayed a bit of perfume on just to be safe. There was nothing she could do about the redness around her eyes so she dab a bit of concealer on and hoped for the best. She came out of the bathroom and Edward was still sitting on her bed patiently.

"The bathroom's free if you want." She offered awkwardly.

"Thanks, I'll just freshen up." Edward got up from her bed and kissed her quickly on the head as he walked past. She couldn't help but watch him as he shut the door behind him and sighed out loud.

She heard the tap running and whilst she had a spare moment she texted Angela.

_I told him everything. – B_

Whilst making her bed her phone vibrated with a reply.

_Finally! How did he take it? X – A _

_Shocked and surprised but he accepted it. He's worried about me though. – B _

_I'm worried about you! But I told you that everything would be fine – A _

_Your always right – B _

_Meet up this week? X – A_

_Sure, talk to you later x – B _

Bella finished texting Angela and put her phone on the bedside table. She could hear Edward moving around in the bathroom so she left him too in and put the kettle on. She was glad her flat was not messy and that she had cleaned up the day before. As she was making two cups of tea Edward entered her small kitchen with his hair a bit more tamed but still messy.

"Milk and sugar?"

"Please." He said leaning against the door frame and watching her.

She could still feel his eyes upon her when she finished and handed him a mug. The meeting of their fingers set her alive. It was only a simple gesture, a simple touch. But the simplistic things could be more complex. Everyone craved the simplicity of life. That was what she wanted. To have the things other people did may it be happiness or even…love. She quickly looked away from Edward embarrassed when the last thought entered her head. Even though he couldn't read her mind he could definitely read her face. There was definitely a chemistry there that she couldn't deny. She was automatically drawn to him as he was pulling her by some invisible thread.

Edward watched her over his mug as he sipped at it carefully. In all his years of casual dating not one woman had captured his attention and fascinated him so much. He was captivated by her grace and beauty, but most of all her heart that was beginning to show more each time he was with her. In her presence he was taunted and teased by the blush that continued to adorn her cheeks repeatedly. It drove him mad even right now to not know what she was thinking.

"I haven't got much but I could do you some toast?" Bella offered shyly.

"Sounds good, just butter for me please."

Bella popped four slices of bread into the toaster and grabbed some butter from the fridge whilst they both waited. They sipped their drinks in silence, the popping sound startlingly them both. She buttered his toast generously whilst Edward watched.

"What are you staring at?" She asked self-consciously.

"You." He answered without hesitation.

"Stating the obvious." She said with an eyebrow raised at him.

He took a step closer into the kitchen and accepted the small plate with his toast. "Always."

"So, when were you going to tell me that you have decided to come to the wedding?" He asked curiously. When she had more or less said to Esme that she was attending he was quite surprised yet pleased nonetheless.

"I was going to tell you after dinner with your parents…obviously other things took priority." She replied embarrassed.

"Ahh."

"Are you happy that I've decided to come with you?" She asked nervously. What if he had changed his mind, she thought.

"Of course I am." He said quickly, seeing the doubt on her face. "I want you there."

Bella blushed and smiled at him shyly.

"Beautiful." His grin was infectious.

"Oh stop it. You can compliment me later but your toast is getting cold." She scolded him playfully and he pouted at her making her giggle.

They sat in her front room with the TV on in the background. They were both not really watching it though as it was only the breakfast channel. Edward looked around the room and noted the pictures that hung on the walls in silver frames.

"You won't find any pictures of them." Her voice was quiet as she caught him looking.

He coughed uncomfortably at being caught, "It seems you are right."

"I wouldn't be able to look at them. That's why I have landscapes instead of photos of them as it doesn't remind me of anything." She explained.

"That makes sense." Edward said before taking a bite.

"Obviously Esme asking me about them set me off, and then I saw the pictures…I should have been more prepared." She berated herself.

"If I had known…"

"But you didn't. I shouldn't have assumed that my parents would come up, or that you wouldn't have family pictures. I was kidding myself." Her voice was laced with regret and he just sat there feeling guilty.

"Do you think it was too soon to meet my family?" He asked.

Bella looked at him. She wanted to be honest. "Probably," she admitted, "But it pushed me to tell you the truth about me and the way I am. I'm not sure how long I would have carried on keeping it to myself."

"Maybe it was a good thing that you met my parents."

"I'm definitely more prepared for the wedding though." She said before sipping her tea.

"I gave your number to Alice, I hope that's ok?" He confessed.

"Yes that's fine. I should probably get to know the bride of the wedding I'm attending." She joked and he smiled at her carefree nature she showed for half a second.

"She's dying to spend time with you anyways."

She sat back on the sofa and tucked her legs underneath her, "It will be nice to get to know your sister and spend time with her."

He pouted and leaned forward. "Even more then me?"

She rolled her eyes at him, "You know I like spending time with you."

"I know…I just like to hear you say it." He spoke softly.

"Basically, you prefer me to feed your ego."

He shook his head. "Nooo."

"I got you all figured out." She stated confidently.

Edward moved closer to her on the sofa. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Be quiet and give me a kiss." He demanded humorously.

"Oh okay."

-xoxo-

"Then what happened?" Angela asked eagerly as she sat with Bella in the coffee shop the next day during her lunch break.

"Well, his mother asked what my parents did."

Angela eyes widened. "Oh boy, what did you do?"

"I…er…sort of excused myself and left the room." Bella explained uncomfortably.

"Could have been worse."

Bella rubbed her forehead. "It did get worse."

"What happened?" Angela asked.

"I saw all these photos of his family…all happy together and I just cracked."

Angela sighed, "Yeah that would do it."

Bella gave her a look. "Anyways, Edward took me home after our awkward goodbye to his family."

"And then you spilt the beans!" Angela cried.

"Uh-huh, pretty much. I told him everything about my parents and James."

"I'm so glad you did. I'm proud of you. You've been so brave and taken another step." Angela leaned across the table and grabbed her hand.

Bella breathed out, "I know."

"You're my best friend and I just want you to be happy. And I know I don't know everything that's happened in your past but the fact you have told someone is a good start."

"Edward makes me happy." Bella said confidently.

Angela beamed at her. "Great…so what happened after you told him?"

Bella blushed. "We slept together."

"WHAT!" Angela cried.

"Oh no no! We didn't sleep sleep together, we just slept next to each other." Bella said quickly.

"Burst my bubble there!" Angela complained and Bella just smiled at her.

"I'm not ready for that just yet."

"Hmm, good idea. Keep him hanging." Angela winked.

"How are you and Ben anyways?" Bella asked.

"We are good, he's been a bit quiet recently but I'm sure it's nothing." She said waving it off.

Bella nodded.

"So how was meeting the parents?" Angela asked.

"They are really nice. Such a loving family." Bella said wistfully.

"What about his sister?"

"I only briefly met her but she seems sweet."

Bella's phoned vibrated on the table and she picked it up to see she had a new message.

_Hey Bella, are you free this week? : ) xx – Alice_

"Who is it?"

"It's Alice asking to meet up." Bella said before replying back to the message.

_Yeah sure – B_

_Okay we can meet up and go shopping! xx – A_

"She's keen."

"I need to get to know her though." Bella said typing out another message.

"I think you should." Angela leaned back and sipped at her coffee.

_Let me know when – B _


	24. Everything Is Ok

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.**

**WARNING: This story does NOT have a beta. All mistakes are my own. This story is also not perfect and I never claimed it to be. **

**Check out my blog: scribbledwordsblog. wordpress. com (remove spaces)**

**A/N: Hello to all the new followers! Sending you love (: I'm going on holiday for 2 weeks so I'm not sure when the next update will be, probably when I have returned so watch this space!**

After replying to Alice, Bella waited patiently for a reply. She distracted herself by continuing to talk to Angela and people watching in the small café. She had used to do this a lot but she found since meeting Edward that she neither had the time nor desire to watch other people especially couples. She was tired of it all. She wanted her own happiness instead of observing it.

Her phone vibrated with a text and she quickly grabbed it off the table.

_This weekend in town? xx – A _

_That's fine. – B _

_Meet at 1 for lunch? xx – A_

_Where? – B_

_The entrance to the indoor shopping centre xx – A _

_See you then – B_

_Can't wait! xx – A_

Bella locked her phone and set it back on the table again. The whole time Angela had been watching her face curiously.

"All sorted?" She asked.

"Yeah, we are meeting up for lunch."

"And shopping." Angela pointed out.

"That too." Bella bite her lip again. She was surprised she hadn't chewed it all off by now.

"I can see you are nervous already." Angela said as a matter of fact.

Bella nodded. "Yeah I am. What am I going to say?"

"Just make small chit chat." Angela suggested.

"You know I'm terrible at that." Bella said anxiously.

Angela shook her head at her. "You missy, need to stop being so negative. You are going to be fine. You've been doing so well lately. This get together with Edward's sister is nothing in comparison to what you have overcome so far. You just need to relax a little bit."

"I know. It's just my automatic reaction to situations I'm not used too. You know I don't socialise with people that often apart from you and Marcus."

"Once you get used to Alice, you will be fine. Just like you are now with Edward. It just takes time and some patience." Angela said kindly.

"What would I do without you?" Bella said with a small smile.

"You will never have to find out." Angela promised.

For the rest of the week Bella did her shifts at the book shop with Marcus. Business was going steady and more books were being sold. The weather was warming up a bit but it was still cold especially at night. She tried to distract herself and not dwell on her ever growing nerves about the upcoming weekend. When she had told Edward that she was meeting up with his sister for the day he was pleased that she was going. She couldn't let him down and she couldn't let herself down either. She wanted to prove that she could do this. The wedding was also looming. She contemplated whether to get a gift or to just stick to a card for the time being.

"Any plans for the weekend Bella?" Marcus asked when she returned to the desk he was sitting at.

"Yes, I'm going out with Edward's sister for the day." She replied politely.

"Anywhere nice?"

"Just into town for some shopping and lunch."

Marcus smiled at her. "You girls and you're shopping."

"Are you doing anything nice for the weekend?" Bella asked.

"Just relaxing and I'll come back into the shop for a couple of hours."

"Do you want me to pop in at all?" Bella offered.

"No, you enjoy yourself." Marcus said insistently. "You work too hard here anyway."

"I like it here."

Marcus looked at her with warmth in his eyes. "I know you do, and I like having you here."

"I'll just finish emptying the boxes and then I'll be going." Bella said.

"Sure that's fine, just leave the empty boxes in the back room for now."

Bella nodded and went to the back of the shop where she was halfway through alphabetically ordering the books.

-xoxo-

"Bella I know your nervous but Alice is really excited to spend time with you." Edward's voice came through the phone as Bella held it to her ear.

"I know and it would be good to spend the day with her but I'm just really nervous." She replied quietly.

Her nerves had been slowly building throughout the week. A part of her was shouting at her to get a grip but the other was throwing doubts around in her head. She wasn't going to cancel though. That was not her style.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Edward asked and she couldn't help but smile. He was always looking out for her.

"No, that's sweet of you but I think I need to do this on my own." She tried to sound more confident.

"Well I'm only a call or text away so if it gets too much then just contact me." Edward said softly.

"I appreciate that." Bella said gratefully as she sipped on a glass of wine on her sofa.

"I'm sorry I haven't come round, work on the house has just got really crazy at the moment." He apologised.

"I understand. How's it coming?"

"Good, it's starting to look normal again. Once we've finished restoring the structure Esme can start redecorating." Edward said joyfully.

"I'm sure it's going to look lovely."

"Well, you can come and see the finished product with me if you like." Edward suggested.

"That would be nice." She said softly.

"It won't be finished for a while but I'll try and see if I can pass some of the workload over to someone else so I can see you."

Bella couldn't help but blush, "Oh no, you don't have too."

"I want to see you silly." Edward laughed quietly.

"You missing me?" Bella joked.

"Of course, so I will be seeing you very soon Miss Swan."

"I'm looking forward to it." Bella teased as her smile grew bigger.

"I'll text you tomorrow first thing."

"Promise?" She said hopefully.

"You know I will." Edward said without hesitation.

"I'll send you a text when I'm with Alice." She murmured quietly before yawning.

"You sound tired. Go to sleep and we'll talk tomorrow." Edward said gently.

Bella rubbed a hand down the side of her face, "I haven't been sleeping very well," she admitted.

"You never said anything," He said surprised at hearing about this for the first time.

"I didn't want to worry you." Bella sighed wishing she had kept her mouth shut. Edward had enough going on without him having to fuss over her.

"Still should have said something. When did you start having problems?" He said sounding hurt.

After a slight hesitation she told him, "Ever since the night I told you about my parents and James."

"But, you slept really well that night," Edward said confused trying to work out what had changed, "I was with you."

"Yes, ever since then it's been a bit of a struggle." She sipped on her wine again and placed it on the table in front of her. She was not going to have any more tonight.

"Maybe you need me there." Edward joked.

"You are quite comfy." She said smiling again.

Edward laughed over the phone, "I have my uses then?"

"Definitely."

"I'll be putting myself to good use then soon." Edward chuckled.

"Night Edward." She said quietly.

"Night Bella."

-xoxo-

Bella took a deep breath and released it slowly. She had not long arrived at the entrance to the shopping centre but she was ten minutes earlier then the time that was agreed which she was now regretting. She hated waiting around as the seconds ticked by and her nerves grew. She had dressed casually wearing a pair of skinny jeans with her flat ballet pumps and a thin jumper. Of course it was still too chilly to not go out with some sort of jacket but it would be spring within a couple of weeks and Bella hoped for warmer weather. She hadn't slept very well again last night. She had tossed and turned for a couple of hours before drowsing a bit. The circles under her eyes had become darker and she had been in generous in her applying of concealer this morning. She still hoped to make a good impression though.

True to his word, Edward had texted her as soon as he was awake. She had woken to a sweet text that had made her smile and feel calmer. They had exchanged multiple texts as she had got ready to meet Alice. Even Angela had sent her an encouraging text. She was grateful for the support and courage she was receiving.

She had become very nervous though in the last couple of minutes and had started to plan out in her head what she was going to say and do when Alice arrived. She wanted to be liked and accepted by her. Edward's family was really important to him and thus she did not want her first meeting at his parents' house to taint her character or Alice's judgement, although she had seemed nice enough. She had complimented that Edward and her made a good looking couple so that was promising wasn't it? As Alice had teased Edward, Bella could see the loving brother and sister relationship between them and that Edward doted on her as an older brother would. Besides, Alice was the one who had suggested and instigated this meet up.

Bella ran her fingers through her hair again out of habit and bite her lip as she awkwardly stood to the side of the entrance. Several people walked in and out of the centre and a few gave her a curious glance as she continued to stand there hovering alone. At last she saw Alice walk towards her. Walk was probably the wrong word as she seemed to almost skip as her dainty feet barely touched the floor. She waved excitedly and Bella awkwardly raised her own hand in greeting.

"Hi Bella! Sorry I'm late." She called cheerfully before engulfing Bella in a tight hug.

"I was early." Bella said after Alice had released her from her grip.

"Nothing wrong with being punctual! I know I could do with being like that sometimes." Alice said laughing loudly so that everyone turned to look at her. She didn't seem to mind though.

Bella didn't know what to say so she just smiled.

Alice quickly touched her arm. "Relax Bella. I don't bite and I like you and I think you and my brother match."

Stunned by her bluntness Bella struggled to think of a coherent answer apart from, "T-thank you."

"I don't know about you but I'm starving, let's go eat!" Alice said smiling. She grabbed her hand and began tugging Bella inside the centre. It was obvious that Alice came here often as she was confident in the direction they were going. Bella hardly visited the indoor shopping centre unless the local town didn't have any of the necessities she needed or if it was too cold to stay outside. She found the place too big and crowded especially at Christmas.

They walked into the newly open food circle where several restaurants were stationed offering all varieties of food from Chinese to classic Fish and Chips with a seating area in the middle which was nearly full due to the lunchtime rush. Bella's stomach was in knots and she didn't really fancy a big meal so stuck with a simple jacket potato and melted cheese. After being served, Alice quickly grabbed a table and sat opposite Bella.

"I hope you don't mind but I just love the food here." Alice said before shoving a mouthful of salad in her mouth.

"No it's fine. I don't know my way around here very well." Bella explained.

"You will after today." She promised before winking at her. She was definitely Edward's sister. Their similarities were undeniable.

"I'm glad you wanted to hang out today." Bella said quietly after a slight pause.

"I thought it would be a good idea, our last meeting was quite short."

Bella immediately blushed. The embarrassment of last time still lingering. "I apologise for my behaviour. I was….caught off guard."

Alice waved her off. "You don't need to explain. It's obvious you were upset but it's not my business to pry into."

"My parents are…a touchy subject." Bella said eventually after an intake of breath.

"Well let's keep them off the topic for conversation today shall we?" Alice said unfazed.

Bella nodded gratefully.

"My brother is quite taken with you. He really likes you." Alice said bluntly.

"I like him too." Bella said honestly.

"To put your mind at rest, Mom and Dad approve as well."

Bella raised her eyebrow, "But they have only met me once."

"That doesn't matter. My parents are quite good at getting idea of people when they first meet them." She explained and Bella felt herself relax a bit more.

"They can't wait to see you again at my wedding." Alice said cheerfully and clapped her hands with excitement like a small child. Bella couldn't help but smile.

"Are you excited?" She asked.

"Of course. I've been looking forward to this for ages." Alice smiled showing perfect teeth and her eyes had widened with delight, "I think I've drove Jasper my fiancé and Edward mad with my demands but I want it to be perfect."

"Edward told me." Bella sipped her tea again to keep her hands busy.

"I hope he said nice things!" Alice stabbed at some food with her fork before slipping it into her small mouth.

"He speaks highly of you."

Alice grinned. "He loves me really."

"You're so lucky to have a sibling." Bella said suddenly that even she was surprised that it came out of her mouth.

Alice looked at her curiously, "Why would you say that?"

"I know that it's not the easiest thing all the time but sometimes when I was younger I felt lonely." Bella admitted as she thought about her childhood friends with their older or younger siblings.

"I guess that's one of the advantages of having a brother or sister. You always have someone there. He's my big brother and he always will be which is comforting to know he will have my back." Alice said softly.

Bella nodded unsure of what to say next.

"Have you seen the house Edward and Jasper have been working on?" Alice changed the topic.

Bella felt relieved for the light conversation, "No I haven't, but Edward wants to take me to see it when it's finished."

"It doesn't look much now but when Esme puts her finishing touches to it, it won't look like the same house." Alice said proudly.

"She has her own interior design business doesn't she?" Bella asked.

"Yep! It's only small but that way she can dedicate more time to her clients. I help out occasionally, fashion eye and all." Alice winked.

"How long you been into fashion?" Bella was genuinely interested as she found it fascinating how their whole family were dedicated to their careers.

"Ever since I could walk I was running into shops and trying on my mother's shoes. I did Art at college and started doing my own designs along with a fashion design course." Alice finished her salad and pushed it away from her. She patted her flat stomach comfortably.

"It sounds like you enjoy it."

Alice nodded vigorously, "I do. I've just brought some space in the centre actually and I'm hoping to open my own shop after the wedding and once my designs are complete."

"That sounds good."

"You'll have to come down here more often if you want to buy some of my pieces!" Alice teased.

"Absolutely, I look forward to it." Bella finished her jacket potato and drained the rest of her tea quickly, feeling better now that her stomach was full.

"Your definitely coming to the wedding then?" Alice asked for confirmation.

"I'll be there don't worry." Bella promised. She had no intention of backing out now. She was going with Edward. She wanted him to be proud to have her as a girlfriend whether she had several personal issues or not.

"Excellent! Right I'm stuffed. I say we go work off the food with a bit of shopping." Alice said cheerfully.

"Sounds like a plan."

They promptly threw away their leftovers and weaved their way out of the lunchtime rush. Alice pulled Bella in and out of several shops, forcing her into the changing rooms to try on tops and jeans that Alice had thrust into her arms.

Bella stared at a low cut that top that showed a little more cleavage then she was used too, "Alice…I don't usually wear this sort of thing." She said hesitantly.

"You can get away with it. You need to show off what you got there!" Alice pointedly looked Bella up and down and she blushed with embarrassment at the scrutiny.

"I don't know." Bella said unsure.

Alice put her hands on her hips and stared at Bella. "Don't make me drag you in there and undress you myself."

"I'm going, I'm going." Bella muttered. She was definitely facing the wrath of fashion Alice.

She locked herself in the changing room, not looking in the mirror as she removed the top half of clothing before slipping on the top that Alice had picked out for her. She opened the door and stepped out.

Alice's eyes widened. "Wow."

"Is it that bad?" Bella asked.

"Bella have you even seen yourself?" Alice said in disbelief, "Go and look."

Bella rolled her eyes and Alice pointed to the mirror. When Bella turned around she did not expect to see anything different. How much could one top change? She had never really been interested in fashion; she just brought things that she thought looked nice and serious. Looking at herself in the mirror was something she did not do often. To say she was shocked was an understatement.

The woman staring back at her was someone she did not recognise. Granted, her skin was still pale but there was a natural flush to her cheeks and her brown eyes seemed bright and alert. The top she was wearing was not as low as first thought and actually complimented her figure quite nicely. For the first time, Bella felt sexy.

"You look great Bella, truly." Alice's sincerity shone through her voice and all Bella could do was nod.

"Edward is going to love you in that."

Bella blushed and tucked her hair behind her ears. "I hope so."

"You are buying it, no exceptions!"

As they left the shop, Bella in possession of her item she felt a sense of peace and dare she think it, happiness. She felt content to be spending time with Alice and she was starting to enjoy herself. This was a much needed day out. Alice dragged her into more shops and she couldn't help but smile when Alice started picking up skirts with dated patterns on them. Bella's phone started to vibrate in her pocket and she pulled it out to see Edward's name on the screen. Sending an apologetic look to Alice she answered it.

"Hi Edward."

At the mention of her brother's name, Alice winked at her knowingly.

"Hello, I was just making sure you're alright. Is everything ok?" Edward asked nervously.

Bella smiled and looked at Alice who returned her grin.

"Yeah, everything is ok."


	25. Epiphany

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.**

**WARNING: This story does NOT have a beta. All mistakes are my own. This story is also not perfect and I never claimed it to be. **

**Check out my blog: scribbledwordsblog. wordpress. com (remove spaces)**

**A/N: I'm back from my holiday! I went to San Antonio Bay in Ibiza and it was amazing and I would go back tomorrow if I could but then I wouldn't be able to write this then would I? –wink- (p.s sorry for the delay things at home got crazy) **

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"We need to do this again." Alice said, looking at Bella expectantly.

Bella found herself agreeing without feeling any more nerves, "Sure anytime."

She clearly said the right thing as Alice's pixie face lit up and she flashed her a brilliant smile. "Fabulous!"

Alice had hugged her so tightly that Bella felt like her insides were being crushed but she said nothing. It was nice to be held by someone other than Edward and Alice was so small that she fit just underneath her chin slightly. She had patted Alice's back awkwardly before she released her.

Bella had then remembered she needed to ask Alice something and shifted uncomfortably. "Alice...I was just wondering…" she trailed off and Alice looked at her curiously.

"What?" She asked.

"I mean I know I'm going as Edward's date to your wedding but obviously he's going to be busy and everything so I was hoping I could bring a friend with me so I'm not on my own." Bella said quickly.

Alice had laughed at her nervous expression, "Of course that's fine you won't know anyone so it makes sense."

Bella had breathed out in relief, "Thank you so much."

When she had made the short walk home and collapsed onto her small sofa, bags in tow on either side of her, Bella felt content and sighed. Her feet ached and she kicked off her pumps. She had no idea how some of the women down there wore such heels walking around all day. After her short phone call with Edward she had brought the top after a persistent Alice kept on and on about how gorgeous it looked. She had also splashed out on a new pair of jeans which she did not feel guilty for.

Bella felt her phone buzz in her bag and she quickly pulled it out to see she had a text from Edward.

_You home? x – E_

_Yeah just got in 5 mins x – B _

_Did you have a good time? x – E_

_I did actually. It was nice x – B _

_Would you be mad if I said I told you so? :P – E_

_You just did (: - B _

_I'm always right! x – E_

_Yeah, you were in this case x – B _

_From the sounds of it, Alice loves you if her texts are anything to go by x – E_

_Really? x – B _

_Yep. She's already talking about the next trip x – E_

_Hopefully not anytime soon. My feet kill! x – B_

_Did you wear flats? x – E_

_Yep! x – B _

_Wow, you must have done a lot of walking! x – E_

_That's an understatement… x – B _

_Should never expect anything less from my little sister! :P – E _

_I won't anymore! Feel like I've had a workout x – B _

_Better get used to it (: Stuck with us! x – E_

_Oh really? x – B _

_Yep! Suck it up honey (: x – E_

_Righhttttttt… x – B_

_Hey! We was just saying how I'm always right, don't go back on that now! x – E_

_Ok ok Mr Right! x – B_

_Seriously? That's going to my nickname? x – E_

_No it was pretty crap. First thing that popped into my head! x – B_

_Disappointed! x – E_

Bella couldn't help but smile to herself. She loved how she was able to have playful banter with Edward. It was funny to think a couple of months ago she could barely form a sentence without being formal and cold. Now, joking with him came naturally to her.

_I'll make it up to you x – B_

_How? (: x – E_

_I'll be the perfect date at the wedding x – B_

_I'm sure you will be (: x – E _

_I asked Alice if I could bring Angela with me x – B_

_And? x – E_

_She said that it would be fine x – B_

_Now you have to come, can't back out at the last minute! x – E_

_I won't! Right I'm going to go in the shower and straight to bed! x – B _

_Sounds like a good idea x – E _

_Need my beauty sleep x – B _

_Your beautiful enough already x – E_

_I had a feeling you was going to say that x- B_

_You love it x – E_

_Maybe I do just a little bit :P x – B_

_I think a lot…. x – E_

_Ok byeee going shower x – B_

_Good job at changing the subject :P x – E_

_I don't know what you mean x – B_

_Hmm, go in the shower! x – E_

_I'm going I'm going x – B _

Bella could not help but sigh when the warm water hit her skin and aching muscles. Who knew shopping could be so tiring? She rubbed her calves to ease the tension before stepping out and wrapping a fluffy towel around her. The mirror above the sink was steamed up so she rubbed a hand across to see her face staring back. She had been surprised at her reflection in the shop today. She looked like a completely different person. Her eyes seemed brighter and she looked more youthful and relaxed rather than tense. When she eventually got into bed she was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Bella was back in the shop on Monday and Marcus seemed to be in a good mood which was infectious. It had been a quiet morning so she was able to sort out what had been left over the weekend. Some people had donated their unwanted books so she filed them in the right genre alphabetically and slashed the price. She was walking back to the front desk when Angela stepped through the door.

"Hey Honey!" she said before giving Bella a quick hug.

"Hi, what are you doing here?" Bella asked out of interest.

"It's my lunch break so I thought I would pop over and see what's been going on."

"Shopping went well with Alice." Bella said as she sat behind the till in case any customers wanted to purchase anything.

"That's good. You get on then?" Angela asked balancing two coffees in her hand. "Oh I got you one of these as well on the way."

"Thanks," Bella accepted the drink gratefully "Yeah it seems like it."

Angela looked around the book shop, "Seems busy in here today."

Bella nodded, "Yeah, it's lunchtime though. Oh by the way I asked Alice if you could come to the wedding with me."

"And?" Angela leaned forward eagerly.

"She said it would be fine."

Angela put her hand up to Bella, which she slowly hit back giving her a high five, "I told you!"

"So you are going to be my date then?" Bella joked.

Angela fluttered her eyelashes, "Obviously. We are going to make such a beautiful couple."

Bella rolled her eyes, "For sure."

"So, text me the details ok? Then we can get ready together."

"Will do."

Angela then frowned and looked at Bella, "Wait so if we are going to be a couple, who's the man in this relationship?"

Bella hit her playfully on the arm before Angela laughed loudly as she left with Bella shaking her head.

-xoxo-

The rest of the week passed quickly and before Bella knew it Saturday morning had appeared; the day of the wedding. She had got up earlier then she needed to because of the nerves that had been fluttering around her stomach. Edward had sent her a good morning text along with how busy everybody was trying to get ready for the afternoon ceremony. Angela was coming round just before lunchtime to get ready and Bella would be lying if she said she wasn't happy that her best friend was coming with her.

"You're wearing blue obviously." Angela said rolling her eyes half an hour after she arrived.

"Right obviously." Bella said jokingly.

"It suits your skin tone, trust me!"

It was nice to spend some girl on girl time with Angela as they both got ready for the afternoon. Bella received a couple of texts off Edward throughout the day which calmed her nerves. Angela curled her hair and helped her out with applying makeup. Before Bella knew it they were both ready.

_We going to start out soon x – B_

_Ok, I'll see you in a bit x – E_

Angela had pre-booked a taxi to drop the two of them off at the church so there was no hassle and they were soon sitting in the back on their way.

"You feeling alright?" Angela asked.

"I'm still nervous but I think I'll be ok once I see him." Bella said truthfully.

"I'm here with you so it's going to be fine, don't worry about it."

It was not long before the taxi pulled up in front of the church and they both got out onto the pavement. There was loads of people all dressed up hanging around outside the church laughing, talking and kissing each other on the cheeks. Angela and Bella managed to get through the crowd and take a seat in one of the nearly full pews halfway to the front. They had a decent view and they could see a photographer was going around and taking pictures of the guests before the ceremony.

Bella clasped her hands in her lap to stop them shaking and bite her lip out of habit. She couldn't see Edward anywhere so she assumed he was with the other usher's since he was the best man. She couldn't believe that she was actually here and that she had originally declined the invitation to attend as his date. Sitting here was a huge shock and a pleasant surprise.

The inside of the church started to get more packed and the priest finally appeared ready to start the ceremony. A man walked down the aisle, presumably the groom Jasper as he took his position at the front. He looked vaguely familiar but Bella couldn't place where she knew him from so she dismissed it. A hush came over the inside of the church as people stopped talking in the pews. The entrance at the back opened and everyone automatically turned including Bella.

Edward was the first to walk through with a beautiful young woman by his side. Her arm was linked through his and her perfect white teeth were on show as she smiled. She was the complete opposite to Bella. She was tall with strawberry blonde hair and immaculately groomed. In Bella's eyes she was perfect and she assumed that since Edward was the best man this woman was the Maid of Honour. It was natural for them to walk down the aisle together first but she could not help but feel a stab of jealously and insecurity. As if he knew what she was thinking, Edward caught Bella's eye and shot her a quick wink which she automatically began to blush at. The woman on Edward's arm flashed her a brief look then turned her attention back to the front, her hand gripping Edward's forearm.

Angela nudged Bella's arm gently and leaned her head closer, "Who is that?" She whispered.

"I have no idea." Bella whispered back and continued to keep her eye on them as they got towards the front and separated on each side of the altar.

Edward looked even more handsome in his suit so it was no wonder that Bella caught the blonde woman looking at him appreciatively up and down. Bella felt her hand clench tightly in her lap and she breathed out slowly. She was so busy focusing on Edward and the woman she did not notice the other bridesmaids walk up the aisle the same way. The room became quiet again as soft music began to play and Alice appeared with Carlisle at her side.

There was no denying how beautiful she looked as she seemed to glide down the aisle effortlessly. She had a simple diamond flower in her hair and had opted for a short dress rather than the traditional long princess gown which would have swamped her tiny frame.

Carlisle and Alice eventually got to the end of the aisle where Carlisle held her tight and kissed the side of her head before letting her go to Jasper who was beaming. They held each other's hand as they faced Priest who began the ceremony.

Bella listened tentatively as Alice and Jasper said their vows to each other which were tender. She swore that her eyes started to tear up a bit but she quickly blinked them away. Couple of months ago she hated the thought of weddings let alone attending one. She had not cried for years and suddenly she was attending one trying to stop herself from getting emotional. She also could not stop staring at Edward. It was hard to believe that this man was hers and wanted to be with her. The only thing that was dampening her mood was the blonde woman who was not being subtle about her feelings towards him. Bella couldn't help but wonder if Edward knew or had even noticed as he had not looked at this woman once. However, Edward did occasionally meet her eye and give her a small smile which made her flush again with embarrassment and giddiness.

"I do." Alice said smiling before offering her hand so the ring could be slipped onto her finger.

The priest looked at Alice and Jasper before speaking, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. Jasper you may now kiss the bride."

Everyone clapped and cheered as Jasper dipped Alice to kiss her. Bella looked at Angela who also had a smile on her face and was glad to share the experience with her. She looked at Edward again and beamed at her because the corners of her mouth wouldn't go down.

"How was that for you?" Angela asked as they made their way to the reception.

"Honestly, it was pretty good." Bella said as they followed the rest of the crowd. She hadn't been able to talk to Edward properly yet and she was getting slightly nervous again about seeing Esme and Carlisle.

"Of course it was!" Angela laughed and grabbed Bella's hand tightly pulling her along.

The rest of the wedding was going to be held in the posh hotel that was not far from the church. Luckily Bella and Angela had been placed on the same table together along with some other guests whereas Edward and the rest of the family were on the head table.

"Everyone, I'd like to introduce Mr and Mrs Whitlock!"

Bella and Angela stood up with the rest of the guests and clapped whilst Alice and Jasper took their seats with the rest of the family.

"She looks beautiful don't you think?" Angela asked as they sat back down again.

Bella nodded, "Yeah she does."

Their table was not that far from Edward and the Cullen family so Bella had a good view of the rest of the room. She saw that the blonde woman was seated with two other women who also had the same traits. Bella assumed they were her sisters as they were equally beautiful.

Bella felt her phone buzz in her handbag so she quickly got it out and saw Edward had texted her.

_You doing ok? x – E_

_Yeah I'm fine x – B _

_I'll come see you after we've had food ok? x – E_

_Take your time x – B _

"Was that Edward?" Angela watched as Bella locked her phone and put it away again.

"Yeah, he's going to come over when the courses have been finished." Bella explained.

Whilst the waiters dished out the courses, Angela made small talk with the rest of the people they were sharing the table with. Bella didn't say anything but she was happy to sit there and listen as her friend socialised. That was probably one part of her that would never change.

Edward suddenly stood up and started clinking his glass to get everyone's attention. Bella had completely forgotten that he would have to make a speech since he was the best man. A hush fell over the room as everyone gave Edward their full attention.

"Hello everyone…I'm not usually good at public speeches but for my sister I will give it my best shot. See, when Alice first met Jasper she said to me the same day that she knew she was going to marry him. Don't ask me how but I've never seen my sister so determined and so sure about something that I could not believe her. And she was right because today we are celebrating the start of their commitment to each other. I'm not sure how Jasper felt the day he met my sister but I guess to see him now sitting next to her probably says it all. I only hope that I'll have what they have one day because I'm definitely envious. Alice went after what she wanted and I think that should be a lesson to us all…to take chances and to not wait. So I'd like everyone to raise their glasses….to Alice and Jasper."

Edward raised his glass and everyone followed suit. Bella could feel her heart pounding and her eyes glisten as she processed the speech that Edward had made.

"Cheer's everyone!" Edward said loudly and before he sipped his glass he looked straight at Bella.

Bella raised her glass back along with Angela and drained the rest of it quickly. She caught Edward's eye and blushed before promptly sitting back down with everyone else. The empty plates and glasses were taken away from the tables promptly before Alice and Jasper made their way over to cut the wedding cake together. Bella watched as they posed for pictures for the photographer and family members. They truly made a beautiful couple, perfectly matched. She watched as they had their first dance and observed how they looked at each other constantly.

A warm hand landed on her waist suddenly and soft lips were at her ear, "You doing ok?"

Bella instantly knew by his voice that it was Edward and relaxed immediately into his hand which he tightened gently pulling her closer.

She turned her head slightly so it was tilted towards Edwards, "Yeah I'm fine," she whispered.

"Glad you came?" He asked quietly.

"I am actually it's been good so far." Bella admitted as she continued to watch Alice and Jasper dance.

Edward's other hand landed on her waist and Bella automatically leaned back into his hold, "Dance with me?"

Bella turned her head towards him with surprise and apprehension written all over her face, "Oh no…I can't dance."

"Didn't you know it's the man who leads?" Edward said with a smirk.

Bella raised her eyebrow at him, "Of course."

"Well, you have nothing to worry about then." Edward smiled and held out his hand.

Bella looked at his hand hesitantly.

"Trust me."

Bella met Edward's eyes that were pleading with her, whether he knew it or not it was what swayed her in the end. She placed her hand in his and he gently pulled her to the dance floor. Alice winked at her and smiled reassuringly which Bella returned uneasily. She felt sick and didn't like how everyone was watching.

"Just look at me." Edward said as he placed one hand on her waist and the other holding her hand gently.

They just swayed from side to side slowly with Bella doing what Edward had told her and just keeping her focus on him and not the rest of the wedding party.

"You look beautiful." Edward said smiling down at her and Bella blushed.

"Thanks, you don't look too bad yourself." Bella joked.

Edward tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, "I'm really glad you're here."

"Me too."

"Besides I'd rather dance with you instead of anyone else." Edward winked at her.

"Oh really?" Bella said in mock surprise.

Edward pressed his forehead against her own, "Yeah." He whispered and she giggled in response.

"It's a good job I'm here then." Bella teased.

They continued to dance slowly as more couples joined the dance floor. Bella leaned her head on Edward's chest eventually as he held her tight as they swayed from side to side. She felt warmth in her chest and she felt her mouth smile as she listened to Edward's heartbeat. She felt safe and cared for in his arms and there was no other place she would rather be. Bella was having some sort of epiphany as she realised that she could not imagine not having Edward in her life anymore and the thought of losing him made her stomach twist nervously and her heart pound. The song eventually ended and Edward led her off the dance floor back to where Angela was chatting to some people.

"Angela, I'm Edward Cullen it's nice to finally meet you." Edward said politely holding out his hand which Angela shook enthusiastically.

"Edward, I've heard so much about you from Bella." She said cheerfully.

"Likewise."

Angela quickly glanced at Bella before returning her attention to Edward, "I hope she has said nice things about me, I am her best friend after all."

"Don't worry she speaks highly in your favour."

Angela smiled and laid a hand on Bella's arm, "That's my girl."

"You know I would only say nice things." Bella said.

"That's what I like to hear." Angela grinned.

"Can I get you two some drinks?" Edward asked.

Bella nodded, "Yeah sure."

Edward touched her arm softly, "I'll be right back."

Both Angela and Bella watched as Edward made his way to the bar, only stopping to say hello to a couple of people.

Bella turned towards Angela nervously, "So, what do you think?"

"He's flipping gorgeous. You've definitely got yourself a catch there Bella!" Angela gushed.

"Do you think so?" Bella asked.

"Yeah! You two make such a good looking couple!"

Bella waved her off, "Yeah, yeah."

Angela mock glared at her, "I'm being serious."

Bella strained her head to find Edward through the crowd and saw him talking to the gorgeous blonde woman.

"He's with that woman." Bella said quietly.

"The Maid of Honour?" Angela asked trying to look as well.

"Yes, the one that kept looking at him." Bella couldn't help but feel sick as she looked at them together. It was seemingly harmless, they were not standing close together but the way the woman was looking at Edward made Bella uneasy.

"They obviously must know each other, don't worry about it." Angela said trying to reassure her.

"I know…it's just the way she looks at him." Bella said softly.

"Edward is with you ok? Trust that." Angela said sternly in Bella's ear.

Bella nodded silently and watched as Edward made his way back over with two champagne glasses for her and Angela.

"Here you are ladies." Edward said smiling.

Bella accepted the drink gratefully and took a big gulp to calm her nerves. "Thanks."

"Thanks for letting me come to the wedding Edward." Angela said kindly

"Oh no it's fine besides it's my sister who you should be thanking." Edward said with a chuckle.

"Everyone, the bride is ready for the bouquet toss so can the ladies please come to the floor." The DJ announced over the speaker.

Edward nudged Bella gently, "Go on."

Bella turned towards him confused, "I thought bouquet tosses is really only for single women?"

"It is, but they won't know that so go!" Edward winked and pushed her forwards.

"Come on Bella it will be fun." Angela said grabbing her hand.

Bella rolled her eyes and let Angela pull her, "Okay okay."

Bella and Angela joined the excitable girls and young women who had all gathered together in the centre of the floor with Alice standing with her bouquet ready to throw behind her. Angela somehow managed to drag Bella into the centre and only a few spaces away from the blonde woman who had also wanted to join in the fun.

"Ready girls!" Alice called to which girly screams were her reply.

"3….2…1!" The girls chanted and Alice threw the bouquet behind her to a dozen hands in the air ready to catch it.

Bella reached up along with Angela and was shocked and surprised to feel the bouquet land in her hands which she gripped tightly to her chest. She knew these girls could get nasty especially if they were desperate to get married.

"Oh my god Bella! You caught it!" Angela cried genuinely pleased for her whereas some girls begrudgingly congratulated her before walking back to their seats.

Bella caught the eye of the blonde woman that had been tormenting her all evening. She gave a small smile that did not reach her eyes and quickly looked Bella up and down.

"Lucky catch." She said with a glint in her and then walked away leaving Bella momentarily stunned.

"Bella, what did she say to you?" Angela said quietly in her ear.

Bella shook her head "Nothing," she replied as she continued to watch the back of the blonde woman's head.

Bella and Angela walked back to Edward who had been guarding their drinks and was beaming at Bella as she held the bouquet in her hands.

"Hey, look at who caught the bouquet!" Angela teased.

"I can see that." Edward said chuckling.

"I was just in the right place." Bella said modestly before placing the bouquet on the table next to her.

"I thought the rest of the girls were going to jump on you and demand the bouquet for their selves!" Angela cried.

"Just stab them with my heel." Bella joked and Edward smiled at her before handing back her half full champagne glass.

"Thirsty work catching a bouquet I tell you." Angela said before sipping her drink.

"Don't worry I'll keep your drinks topped up." Edward promised, "As long as your prepared to dance with me again Bella?"

Bella looked at him and blushed, "If you're lucky. I'm sure I can be persuaded."

"I'll hold you to that."

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**The chapter was getting a bit long so the wedding has been split into two chapters! **


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